


Laughter Lines

by TimmyJaybird



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, M/M, Pining, Rejection, background BirdFlash, canon character death, first time dad, post drug addiction Roy, pre and post alcohol addiction Roy, slowburn, teenage crushes, time jumps, timeline crunching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/pseuds/TimmyJaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy had fatherhood thrust upon him, and honestly, he's terrified. He doesn't know how to be a dad, he doesn't even know if he <i>can</i> be one. At least Roy doesn't have to do this alone- not as alone as he expected. Support from his friends brings the most unexpected bit of help Roy could have gotten-</p><p>Jason. Dick's <i>kid brother</i> who seems more than happy to spend every second he can with Roy and Lian. Who smiles when Roy laughs and looks genuinely <i>happy</i> when he's holding Lian. Who cares about Roy more than he should- and who Roy never wants to hurt.</p><p>And when he <i>loses</i> Jason, Roy is so sure he has. Sure he should have done something differently, somehow. So when a new face shows up in Gotham, and Roy gets wind of who he <i>might</i> be, he has no choice but to face the reality that Jason still needs him. That maybe he's got a second chance to do right by the kid he loved and simply <i>couldn't</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I received [an ask](http://timmyjaybird.tumblr.com/post/142432950840/i-had-no-idea-that-jason-had-been-there-when-jade) once (only click that link if you want a vague idea of where this fic is going. It'll have minor spoilers, but I have altered some aspects/ideas for the fic), regarding a panel from an issue of The New Teen Titans I posted on my blog, with a Robin!Jay being present roughly around when Roy found out he was a dad. And ever since then, this fic idea has been swimming around my head.
> 
> My goal will be to update every Tuesday with a new chapter. I do have the next two chapters complete, so I can at least guarantee those!
> 
> Also, this fic doesn't follow my usual timeline (hence all the damn tags). I am fully aware I'm crunching timeline and altering some things, no worries!

Roy looked around the room, felt like it was out of place in his small New York City apartment. It had been a haphazard job, turning the room into a nursery- he’d spent half the night up putting the crib together, had cursed out the instructions and thought that maybe he should have built one from  _ scratch _ instead. It would’ve been easier.

 

The bundle in his arms shifted, made a little whine, and Roy looked down, was met by Lian’s big, dark eyes. Eyes that echoed Jade’s in so many ways, made something in his chest curl up and  _ ache _ .

 

Two weeks ago, he hadn’t even  _ known _ he had a daughter. And now, here he was- alone with her. With no one to tell him what the hell he was supposed to do-

 

_ How the hell he was supposed to be a dad _ .

 

Lian squirmed again, and Roy turned from the room, leaving it be. He wasn’t sure- should he be  _ saying _ something? Should be he talking to her, it wasn’t like she’d  _ talk back _ .

 

“Sorry kiddo,” he finally said, stepping into his tiny kitchen. “I’m not… really sure what I should be doing. Did Jade- did your mom talk to you? I bet she did.” He had her carrier settled on the table, and carefully he set her in it. “Probably talked to you more than she ever really talked to me.”

 

Lian was watching him, and Roy figured that was what babies did, at this age. They watched and tried to understand-  _ right _ ? God, he didn’t know-

 

Lian sniffled, before she gave a little cry, and Roy shook his head, pulling himself back from his thoughts. “Right. Dinner. I… just gimme a second.” He opened one of the cupboards- which before had been a cluttered mess, mostly old mugs- how the  _ hell _ did he always end up with so many mugs?- but was now suddenly  _ organized _ . Bottles, brushes, everything had a  _ place _ .

 

Everything had to change.

 

He pulled one bottle down, set to warming up the formula Jade had told him Lian  _ liked _ . When it was done, he shook the bottle, let a few drops spill onto his wrist to check the temperature, before he grabbed the handle of the carrier, taking Lian towards his living room.

 

He hadn’t even  _ gotten _ to cleaning this up. There were papers, magazines, a stray book scattered on his coffee table. Damned if he knew where the remote was, and  _ no _ , he didn’t even want to check and see what was in the DVD player. It had been too sudden, he-

 

Roy hadn’t even gotten a chance to let it sink in that this was suddenly his  _ life _ . And did he even  _ want _ this?

 

He set the bottle down, Lian’s carrier- and plopped down on the couch. She was still fussing, as he lifted her up, tried to get her settled in his arms. Jade had  _ shown _ him. He could remember how to do this- hell, he could build technology to rival what Batman stocked in his damn  _ cave _ , he could feed a baby on his own-

 

But the first time he tried to offer Lian the bottle, she turned her head, and it bumped her cheek. She gave a little wail, and Roy huffed. “C’mon,” he said, not sure what he was doing wrong. “I know you’re hungry, it’s the right time.” He tried again, and Lian still avoided it, before she scrunched up her face and let out a loud cry. Roy cringed, dropped the bottle next to him on the couch and Lian hiccuped out her sobs. He lifted her higher, held her out with both his big hands around her, so that she was looking down at him.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, feeling a little frantic. What had he fucked up  _ now _ ? He should’ve known- should’ve known he couldn’t even do something as simple as feed a damn baby. Smart as he was, he knew in his gut he was still a  _ fuck up _ , at the end of the day. Probably going down as the worst  _ side kick _ in history- and what sort of dad could an ex-junkie, twenty-one year old expect to be? Why had he even  _ agreed _ with Jade when she said she thought it’d be better for Lian, to be with Roy-

 

_ What the fuck was he doing with his life _ ?

 

Lian continued to cry, and Roy pulled her in, settled her up on his chest. He rubbed her back, before she turned her head- and suddenly, the cries turned into sniffles, into little hiccups- and then Lian’s warm face, right into Roy’s neck, and she was just  _ breathing. _

 

He tensed, his hand still on her back, felt her give a little sigh. And… “Is this what you wanted?” he asked, shifting her down just enough that he could turn, look at her. “To be closer?” Lian  _ cooed _ , and Roy felt his mouth curling up into a smile, felt this sudden burst of  _ something _ in his chest. “I can’t feed you like this kiddo,” he said, as Lian’s little hand flexed on his chest. Roy shifted his hold on her, reached up to rub her hand-

 

She had the smallest fingers he had ever  _ seen _ .

 

“Try again?” he asked, very carefully maneuvering her to cradle back in his arm. Lian made a face like she was going to cry again- but only sniffled, didn’t sob. Roy managed to grab the bottle, and offered it-

 

This time, Lian latched on happily.

 

Roy sighed in relief, let his head drop back as the apartment was filled with nothing but Lian’s tiny suckling noises, the occasional shift of her legs.

 

It was a tiny victory, and maybe it was  _ ridiculous _ , but Roy didn’t care, in that moment. It was his first time feeding her alone. The first of many,  _ many _ times- and at least maybe he’d be able to do this right.

 

Roy  _ wanted _ to do this right.

 

*

 

It was three AM, when Roy heard Lian crying. The baby monitor next to his bed broadcast her cries right near his  _ head _ , but he could hear her through the thin wall that separated their rooms. For a moment, he grimaced, wondered what the  _ hell _ was that noise, and dragged his pillow to curve up over the back of his head, covering his ear.

 

It took another second, before he  _ remembered _ , and he was jumping out of his bed, sprinting from his room into the hallway, and into Lian’s.

 

She was on her back, kicking her little legs, sobbing in her crib. Her blanket had been tossed away, and her cheeks were going red from the effort.

 

“Shit,” Roy said, reaching down and picking her up, holding her out. “Oh god, what’s wrong?” Not that she could  _ answer _ , he knew, but it was  _ reflex _ , just to ask. “Do I need to change you?” He pulled Lian in, but she didn’t smell like anything except that strange  _ baby smell _ that was oddly soothing. Roy sighed, ended up simply holding her with her belly pressed to his face as he squirmed, wondering what he’d  _ done _ to deserve this-

 

Not that he wanted an answer. He deserved  _ a whole lotta hell _ , he was sure. He just didn’t  _ like _ not being able to figure something out.

 

He sighed, and Lian’s cries quieted. Roy furrowed his brow, and sighed again, with a little more force. The crying stopped completely, and Lian made a little happy gurgle.

 

Roy hummed, before he pressed his mouth to her little belly, blew a raspberry against her through her onesie. Lian erupted in coos and giggles, and Roy grinned, pulling back to look up at her.

 

“You just want daddy to make a fool of himself?” he asked, as she continued to giggle. “Is that it?” He leaned in, blew a raspberry on her tummy again, before he lowered her and kissed her plump cheek, her little nose. “That’s something I can do,” Roy offered as Lian squirmed, made a grab at all his loose hair. Roy let her give a tiny tug- there wasn’t much power at all in her yet- and spun around, lifting her up as he did so. She cooed, before he brought her down, was going for her tummy-

 

When he heard it gurgling. He paused, looked up, quirking a brow. “Or maybe you’re hungry,” he said, “and just taking  _ advantage _ of the fact that I make a pretty good idiot.” Lian kept her little smile, and Roy shook his head. “You know, I think you got that from your mom,” he offered, settling her to his chest and heading out of the room, “Liking when I’m an idiot.”

 

After her bottle- which she completely  _ finished _ , to Roy’s shock- he settled to walking around her nursery, had her up on his shoulder as he rubbed and pat her back.

 

It was true, he was fairly convinced Jade liked when he made a fool of himself. And he didn’t… he didn’t think it was  _ malicious _ , per say- maybe a little, at times, but that she honestly just liked the see him flounder.

 

He couldn’t think that  _ everything _ about her was bad. They might not be on good terms, but he had loved her, once. He’d been young and in love- and now, here he was-

 

With the outcome.

 

Her heard Lian gurgle, and realized all too late he hadn’t grabbed a burp cloth. He sighed, shrugged- decided a little spit-up on his tshirt  _ wasn’t _ the worst thing that could happen. “I’ve thrown up on plenty of people’s shirts,” he reasoned, when Lian seemed to be content again, “So we can only blame  _ me _ for this trait.”

 

She giggled, like she  _ understood _ , as Roy lifted her back up, settled her back in her crib. Her little legs gave a kick, before she yawned, and Roy got her blanket back up over her. He reached out, pressed the tip of his finger against her nose, watched her eyes falling shut.

 

He leaned against the crib, watched her fall asleep- and for a moment, in the dark, there was just the two of them. Just this moment, just the fact that Roy had made her  _ laugh _ , and for the first time, maybe he’d seen a bit of himself, in her.

 

He wanted to think he’d figure it out. He wanted to believe, in the end, this would work.

 

*

 

Jason had his hands stuffed in his pockets, one fiddling with the fairly flattened pack of cigarettes he had there. He was following behind Dick, up the stairs in the apartment complex- and wasn’t exactly sure how he’d gotten invited to come along on this little  _ excursion _ .

 

He barely got to see Dick, and that… that was a  _ shame _ . He looked  _ up _ to the first Robin, looked at him and saw a damn ray of sunshine and just wanted to be good enough to fill his boots. Wanted to  _ earn _ his suit. Wanted Dick to think he was doing alright.

 

But he knew Bruce and Dick… they weren’t  _ good _ , not right now. Hadn’t been since Bruce had made the decision to take Jason in, years ago- and even now, it was strained. Dick came around more often than not if he knew he wasn't going to run into Bruce  _ alone _ .

 

And today, it could’ve been one of those days. Could’ve been just the two of them- and not even  _ Nightwing _ and  _ Robin _ , just Dick and Jason- just  _ brothers _ . Jason wanted that, so damn badly-

 

And instead, he was in New York City, on a  _ house visit _ . And Jason wasn’t  _ opposed _ to it, but he hadn’t had any  _ warning _ . He woke up and got dressed expecting to be stuffing his face with junk food with Dick all day and laughing at all the stories he had, from his years with Bruce. He wasn’t expecting to see  _ Roy _ -

 

And Jason needed to be braced for that.

 

“Listen, Roy’s just… he’s stressed,” Dick said, as they hit the top of the stairs, heading for the door from the stairwell instead of heading up another floor. “This was just all thrown at him, and he needs some support. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, okay? And I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. He thinks you’re a good kid.”

 

Jason nodded, was afraid to actually say something. Afraid his stupid voice might crack or the way he said Roy’s name might give something away. It was just… Roy was…

 

Roy was  _ gorgeous _ , when it came down to it. Granted, Jason thought all of Dick’s friends were- which was a  _ headache _ for a fifteen year old who was  _ already _ so concerned over making an ass of himself- but Roy was just  _ something else _ . And every time Jason had worked with him, he’d  _ liked him _ . Liked to see him work, liked the way he held his bow and turned anything into a weapon, liked how  _ smart _ he was-

 

Liked the green of his eyes and the splattering of his freckles and the red of his hair and how  _ easy _ it was to think about getting wrapped up in those arms-

 

Jason nearly walked into Roy’s closed door, as Dick knocked. He tried to play it off, looking down and scuffing the toe of his shoe against the ground. Wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to expect, behind that door. He knew Dick was right, Roy was  _ stressed _ , he’d just found out he was a dad and now suddenly he had a  _ kid _ and no support-

 

The door opened, Roy leaning against it. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and Jason got a good look at those arms he could get lost thinking about, thanks to the tshirt Roy had chopped the sleeves off of.

 

“Dick, man,” Roy said, looking  _ relieved _ , “I could kiss you. Come in here.” He stepped aside as Dick laughed, getting a hold of Jason’s arm and dragging him in, before Jason could even tell his feet to move.

 

“I mean, you  _ are _ my type,” Dick teased, but settled for the hug Roy gave him. Jason envied Dick, in that moment. “How are you?”

 

“Alive, in one piece.” Roy looked over at Jason, his smile growing. “Shit kid, you grow since I last saw you?”

 

“Doubt it,” Jason said, trying to seem  _ cool _ , nonchalant. Roy kept his smile though, reached out and ruffled his dark curls.

 

“Looks like you did. You’re gonna be way taller than us at this rate.”

 

“I am seeing a very big lack of  _ baby _ ,” Dick said, putting a hand on his hip, “Roy-” he cut off when he heard a gentle cooing sound, and Roy jerked his head towards the living room.

 

“ _ Relax _ . I didn’t just like, up and leave her somewhere. She’s in the living room- and  _ yes _ , she’s secure.” Roy turned, heading towards the couch, motioning for Dick and Jason to follow. Around it, and there was Lian, sitting in a small bouncing chair, shaped like a large cartoon frog head. There was a tray attached to the chair, with a few toys scattered on it- mostly plush  _ blocks _ , all boasting bright colors and cartoon animals, numbers, or letters. They were scattered all around the chair, as well. Roy bent over, lifting Lian out of the chair and getting her cradled up against his chest. “Hey pumpkin, come say  _ hi _ to your uncle Dickie.”

 

Dick laughed, held his hands out when Roy passed Lian over, and lifted her up, got her to laugh with just a smile. Jason didn’t blame the kid-  _ everyone _ was happy when Dick smiled. He’d seen the way Roy lit up with ease around him, and it made him jealous, he could admit.

 

He was  _ envious _ of Dick and in awe of him, simultaneously,  _ endlessly _ .

 

“Aren’t you just the cutest jelly bean,” Dick said, lowering her down, kissing one of Lian’s round cheeks. “Oh my god  _ Roy _ , how the hell did you make something  _ cute _ . She’s all Jade.”

 

Roy flipped Dick off, before he took his daughter back, smiled at her. Jason inclined his head slightly, studied it. It wasn’t the sort of  _ smile _ he expected. Especially not when Dick made a point of acting so  _ worried _ about him.

 

Jason had seen a lot of kids happen on  _ accident _ , in his life. Hell, he was pretty damn sure he was one. He’d seen a lot of them go through hell, and as much as he  _ liked _ Roy, he’d had his own… concerns, about the kid. About what sort of dad, Roy might be. He had a history, and even if he’d kicked the heroin, there was the bottle Jason had heard he could hit pretty hard.

 

It could breed  _ disaster _ .

 

“And this,” Roy said, bringing Jason back to the present, as he turned, faced him, “is Jay.” Lian looked at Jason, with these big, dark eyes, and Jason felt his own lips curling into a smile. “You wanna hold her?” Jason nodded. Roy bent over, passed her over gently, “Make sure you give her head some support, she’s still-”

 

He cut off as Jason cradled her carefully, supported her head with his arm and held her partially against his chest. Roy clamped his mouth shut, smiling, as Dick watched as well.

 

“Jason, you think you can handle her for a minute?” Jason looked up, fought down the urge to blush, because they were  _ both _ smiling at him. He nodded, and Dick placed his hand on Roy’s arm, guiding him away, towards the tiny kitchen. Jason left them be, respected their privacy and headed for the couch, sitting down and keeping Lian close.

 

“You’re cute,” he said, looking down at her. He tapped her nose with his finger, and she giggled, grabbed at his hand and held onto it. “Your hands are so tiny.” It had been a little while since Jason had been around a baby- not since before Bruce had taken him in. There’d been a lot of kids wandering the place his mom and he had lived- a lot of families with too many kids, with kids they didn’t plan on-

 

He’d known how to hold a baby for years, because he’d helped to quiet so many whose names he never even learned.

 

He shifted Lian, got his hands around her and lifted her up. She cooed, kicked her little legs, one of her socks slipping off to fall into Jason’s lap. He grinned, lifted her higher.

 

“Uh-oh,” he said, “your little toes are exposed! You know what that means!” He kissed her little foot, and Lian squealed. Jason couldn’t help but  _ giggle _ over her, over the sound, the way she smiled and those plump cheeks pulled with it. He had always loved it, when the kids younger than him had smiled. When they  _ laughed _ .

 

He lowered her back down, kissed one of her cheeks, before he settled her in his lap, let her lean on his arm for support. He leaned over, managing to keep her upright as he grabbed at one of the soft blocks. He handed it to Lian, who squished it in her little hands, continuing to giggle. Jason smiled to the point that his cheeks hurt.

 

*

 

“Are you doing okay?” Dick asked, the moment he had Roy in the tiny kitchen. “I mean,  _ really _ . Be honest Roy.”

 

Roy sighed, let his shoulders slump a little. “I got through the first night,” he offered, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “She woke up once, and then was up pretty damn early. But, I mean… considering it’s my first night with a  _ kid _ , I lucked out sleep wise.”

 

“Roy… you know that’s not what I mean.”

 

“I know. I don’t know what to  _ say _ Dick.” He looked up, and Dick could see the confliction, working behind those green eyes. “I mean, two weeks ago I find out I’ve got a kid, and suddenly she’s living with me and I’m… I’m a  _ dad _ .”

 

“Jade-”

 

“Lian can’t stay with Jade. Even  _ Jade _ knows that. That’s why she… she  _ asked _ me to do this, Dick. She’s not about to give up what she does, and she knows I’m not either, but… well. I’ve got support here. I wanna think she’s doing this for our daughter’s well being.” Another heavy sigh. “Besides, I… it took  _ both _ of us to get here, Dick. I’m not gonna saddle Jade with raising a kid alone.”

 

Dick’s eyes softened and he reached out, squeezed Roy’s shoulder. “I think that’s about the most adult thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Roy rolled his eyes, before his face fell serious again.

 

“I just hope I can do this.” He glanced away. “I’ve fucked up a  _ lot _ before. But this… this isn’t something I can mess up. Shit, Dick.  _ I have a daughter _ . I’ve got someone who  _ needs _ me.”

 

“You’re gonna figure it out,” Dick offered, his arm sliding around his friend’s shoulders. “And you’re not alone. You’ve got me. You’ve got the  _ Titans _ , even if you’re not really working with us. We’re your friends, we won’t abandon you.”

 

Roy nodded, before they heard Lian squeal loudly. Roy turned, and Dick let him go, following him out into the living room.

 

All they found was Jason, sitting on the couch, Lian holding a block in her hands, cooing happily. One of her socks was missing.

 

“Everything okay?” Roy asked, and Jason looked up, nodded. Roy smiled, reached down and took Lian into his arms, kissing one of her cheeks. “You being good princess?”

 

“She’s a happy baby,” Jason said, which had Dick and Roy both looking at him. “She smiles a lot.”

 

“Wouldn’t have guessed that last night,” Roy admitted, looking back at his daughter. “ _ Someone _ would rather wail when it’s just daddy, wouldn’t they?” Another kiss, this time to the tip of her nose, and Lian kicked her legs, squirming and giggling. “You’re just putting on a show for these handsome gentlemen, aren’t you?”

 

Dick grinned, and Roy missed the way Jason’s cheeks tinged pink over the comment, the way it hid the dusting of freckles along them.

 

Roy walked back to Lian’s seat, settling her in it and giving her another toy. While he did so, Jason slid along the couch, until he was sitting at the end closer to her, folding his arms on the couch arm and leaning his cheek on them to watch. “You’re probably getting hungry,” Roy said, as Lian instantly stuffed part of the toy into her mouth. Dick turned at that, heading into the kitchen, and Roy turned, caught Jason watching. “You like kids?”

 

Jason jerked a little at being caught, and this time, Roy  _ did _ notice the color that tinged his cheeks. “Yeah,” he admitted, reaching out to stroke the top of Lian’s head, the soft dark hair she had there. It was rather thick for a baby her age.

 

“Well then, maybe the boy wonder wants to be the  _ babysitter wonder _ sometime,” Roy said, standing up. Jason looked up at him, before he glanced away. Roy added, without Jason having to say it, “I trust you’d take good care of her. I mean, I didn’t even need to tell you how to hold her.”

 

He left Jason at that, heading for the kitchen to get Lian’s bottle before she started fussing. He knew enough about Jason to  _ get _ the insecurities. Besides, he’d worked with Dick- he understood the pressure of following in his shadow. It was hard enough working on a team with him and thinking he couldn’t measure up. He couldn’t imagine trying to fill his shoes as  _ Robin _ .

 

*

 

Jason continued to watch Lian playing, his belly feeling light over the way Roy had just  _ trusted _ him. Without a question. It made him want to bury his face in his arms, made him want to fly out of skin and hide under the couch, at the same time.

 

“I can’t believe how clean your kitchen is,” he heard Dick saying, from the other room, “Like, is this  _ really _ the same apartment?”

 

Jason lifted his head, looking around. The living room was still cluttered, and now there were baby toys thrown into the mix- but honestly, he’d expected  _ worse _ . This just looked like someone lived there.

 

“Alright, who’s hungry?” Roy asked, walking back into the living room, testing the bottle on his wrist. As if  _ knowing _ that was directed at her, Lian tossed the toy she was holding, looking up expectantly. Roy glanced from her to Jason, before he smiled again- and god, Jason wasn’t ever going to get used to those smiles. “Do you wanna feed her Jay?”

 

“R-really?” he asked, sitting up straight. Roy nodded. “Uh, yeah. If you’re okay with that.” Jason reached for Lian, very carefully got her out of her chair, and settled her into the crook of his arm, supporting her head. He caught sight of Dick, watching, arms folded- looking  _ impressed _ .

 

Roy handed him the bottle, and Jason offered it to Lian- who took it instantly, sucking happily. Jason looked down at her, smiling, as her little hands pressed to the bottle, one brushing against his thumb.

 

“She officially eats better for you than she does for me,” Roy said, sounding a little exasperated. Behind him, Dick was still watching.

 

“You already knew how to feed her,” he mused, and Jason glanced up.

 

“Yeah. Used to be a lot of kids where my mom and I lived. The families weren’t ever in good places, and… ya know. You just learn how to calm a kid down or feed a baby, because no one else is doing it.” He shrugged a shoulder, and Dick and Roy exchanged glances.

 

“I’m dead serious,” Roy said then, “Dick, tell the old Bat I’m keeping your kid brother.” Dick laughed at that, playfully shoving his friend, and Jason watched, swallowing thickly.

 

“I wouldn’t mind…” he said, rather quietly- which got their attention. “I mean, if you wanted help…”

 

Roy folded his arms, and when he smiled, it made Jason feel like he might pass out. “I’d love some,” Roy admitted, and Dick leaned an arm up on his shoulder.

 

“You know, I bet Jason can sweet talk Bruce a little, get a night off here and there. Not a school night,” Dick pointed out, and Jason nodded. He looked back down at Lian, who looked so content in his arms- and smiled again, to the point that there were lines around his eyes.

 

*

 

Jason slumped down in his seat, arms folded, watching the traffic as they made their way out of the city, to make the drive back to Gotham.

 

“Sorry about today,” Dick said, merging into traffic as they hit the tunnels. “I know this wasn’t… how the day was gonna go. I really owe you one.”

 

“S’okay,” Jason offered, not looking over yet. “I don’t mind.” Dick nodded, glanced over.

 

“You know, I’m pretty impressed how good you were with Lian. I know Roy was.” Jason glanced over then, like he needed to see Dick’s face, to test if he was lying.

 

But Dick’s smile was sincere.

 

“It’s nothing,” Jason said, shrugging, and Dick shook his head, looking back at the traffic.

 

“No way, little wing. It’s not  _ nothing _ . You’re a natural. Maybe someday you’ll make a damn good dad.” He reached over, tousled Jason’s curls. “But if you were serious, and you ever want to drop by and give Roy a hand, I know he’d love it. Really. He’s doing this alone…” Dick sighed. “For the better in the long run. I mean, Jade’s…  _ Jade _ . I know Roy loved her and all, but she’s not about to give up her game, and that’s not really the type of world a kid needs to be in.

 

He paused, then added,

 

“Not that  _ this _ is exactly a world to bring a kid up in, but hey- we turned out alright.” Jason nodded, looking down at his hands now. He figured Lian could do a  _ lot _ worse-

 

After all, he’d seen the way Roy had smiled at her. Sure, he’d looked nervous, but that wasn’t the only thing in his eyes. Jason saw a bit of wonder, like he was looking at something he couldn’t exactly believe was real-

 

He looked at Lian like she was special.

 

_ And he was trying _ .

 

It made Jason’s earlier fears ebb. Like this kid wouldn’t end up like so many he had seen during his time on the streets. She had a chance. She had someone who loved her.

 

And knowing  _ that _ just made Jason’s palms feel sweaty, his heart do that stupid flip it always did when he got to be around Roy. Like, he was even  _ better _ because he was going to do what so many people couldn’t, in Jason’s experience.

 

He licked his lips, dragged his tongue along his teeth. He needed a cigarette. But he knew better than to  _ ask _ . Knew Dick didn’t approve- but he also knew that at some point on the drive, they’d stop- Dick would get some sort of junk to snack on, and he’d look the other way when Jason wondered, lighting up to get his nicotine fix. Dick was good like that, at least.

 

Jason leaned his forehead against the window, knitting his hands together, and wondered how soon he could make his way back to the city- how soon he could be around Roy again. Even if he knew it wasn’t what he  _ wanted _ it to be, at least being around the guy was  _ nice _ .

 

And he really did like Lian. Liked her enough to smile until his cheeks hurt, when she laughed. And if he could help to make sure a kid got the best life they possibly could- well, Jason would be there in a heartbeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said the update was coming Tuesday... but I actually have the majority of this fic written now, and I really didn't want to wait. Or drag out posting it _that_ long.
> 
> I'll still have another update going up Tuesday! Sometime in the evening, whenever I get home from work :)

It was two weeks later, when Jason finally got the  _ go ahead _ to visit Roy again. Dick showed up early Saturday morning, while Bruce was sleeping off the prior night’s patrol, picked Jason up and made the drive to the city.

 

Jason had been counting down to it, the whole week. Bruce had seemed rather  _ displeased _ about it, at first- and Jason wasn’t sure if he was afraid Dick’s own quarrels with Bruce were going to influence him, or if he was holding something against Roy- but either way, enough pestering, and he’d finally given Jason the okay. Especially when Jason showed him a picture of Lian that Dick had texted him, and went off on how easily she smiled.

 

Dick’s radio was up too loud most of the drive- and there was a stop for Dick to grab coffee, an hour in. Jason took advantage of it, wandered around the parking lot of the small rest stop and smoked a cigarette, trying to calm his nerves.

 

He was going to see Roy. He was going to spend a whole  _ day _ with Roy. And yeah, sure, Dick was going to be there, and Jason figured he’d mostly be helping out with Lian the whole time- but it didn’t  _ matter _ . He’d get to hear Roy laugh and re-catalog all those different smiles he knew Roy had.

 

He’d take what he could get. He’d take  _ anything _ , and it was pathetic, he knew. But he just couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

Roy met them at the door, tugged Dick into a big hug. Jason watched, a step back, expected maybe a hand in his hair- but when Roy pulled him in for a hug too, he swore his heart stopped.

 

“Still swear you grew again,” Roy said, both his arms around Jason. Jason forgot how to  _ breathe _ completely, and it took a good few seconds for him to even realize he was just  _ standing  _ there. Wasn’t hugging back.

 

Sadly, Roy was pulling away before he could make his arms move.

 

Roy ushered them in, and there was the sound of Lian cooing the  _ moment _ the door shut. “I was just doing some cleaning,” Roy said, and Dick quirked up a brow, following him into the kitchen.

 

“ _ Cleaning _ . Where the  _ hell _ is the real Roy Harper?” He shoved his friend, as Jason moved around them, went right for the kitchen table. Lian was in her carrier, reaching up and swatting at the toys hanging from the handle.

 

“She’s been a bit fussy,” Roy said, as Jason placed his hands on the table and leaned over to look at her. “We were up a lot of the night. I don’t know if she doesn’t feel good or what, but don’t freak out if she cries-”

 

Jason reached down, and Lian grabbed at his finger, tugged. He followed her movement, and she popped it into her mouth, drooled happily and kicked her little legs.

 

“-Or she’s going to be pleased as the damn queen to see you,” Roy added, shaking his head. Jason giggled, unstrapping Lian as she continued to try and gnaw on his finger. He pulled away only to maneuver the straps over her, and picked her up, getting her up to his shoulder and giving her a little bounce. “I can’t believe this,” Roy said,  _ gawking _ openly.

 

“Jason’s got a way with the girls I guess,” Dick said, settling his hands on his hips. Jason looked up, and had to look away- because Roy was looking at him like he was in  _ awe _ , and that made Jason’s stomach do a complete flip. “How about to keep her happy for a bit, little wing, and I’m gonna help Roy finish whatever he was doing.”

 

Jason nodded, heading for the living room, Lian giggling happily in his ear.

 

*

 

It was after Lian had eaten and Roy had settled her down in her crib for a nap, that Dick suggest he leave his apartment and get some air.

 

“You’ve got the most random list of shit you need,” Dick pointed out, in the kitchen, “and I know you only ever leave  _ with _ her. Take a half hour off dad duty.” When Roy opened his mouth to protest, Dick added, “I’ll stay here and watch her. Besides, you wanted me to look over some files and give you my  _ unofficial _ opinion. I can read up while you run out to the corner store.” Then, as an afterthought, “Take Jay with you, even. Let him see a little more of the city besides the trip from where I park my car to your apartment door.”

 

And Roy couldn’t exactly protest. Because there were odds and ends he needed, and the idea of getting out and just… getting some air, and not worrying about Lian  _ was _ nice. Plus, he had been working a case from home, had wanted some intel that Dick could offer, from his connections to the Bat. Except Roy didn’t want to drag him in  _ officially _ . Whatever he could remember would be enough.

 

Government work wasn’t something he wanted to tangle in with the  _ Bats _ . And while he would rather still be running with the Titans, or spending hours simply  _ building _ things he didn’t even understand himself until they were done- that didn’t pay the bills  _ and _ give him the chance to be home, with Lian.

 

A little self sacrifice, he figured, was good for his character.

 

Still, he didn’t turn Dick down, and within fifteen minutes was on the sidewalk with Jason by his side, taking a deep breath and enjoying the sun pouring down on him. He really hadn’t been away from Lian in the two weeks he’d had her- and while he found he wasn’t  _ looking _ for a reason to get away, it was still… relieving.

 

“You look like you could spread your arms an’ start singing,” Jason said, looking up at Roy, as the redhead folded his arms behind his head.

 

“It’s just nice to get a break. This is all… unexpected. New.  _ Not easy _ .” Jason snorted, fishing around in his pockets. Out of the corner of his eyes, Roy caught him pulling out a flattened pack of cigarettes, plucking one out and holding it in his mouth. Roy paused, arms falling to his sides, as Jason lit up, took a drag and blew the smoke purposefully away. “Dick know about this?”

 

Jason looked up at him as they started walking again. “What?” he asked, holding the cigarette up, “ _ this _ ? He pretends he doesn’t see.” Another drag.

 

“And  _ Batman _ .”

 

“I like to think I can keep at least  _ one _ secret from Bruce.” Jason took a long drag, holding the cigarette away, towards Roy. “You gonna  _ tattle _ on me?”

 

There was something…  _ playful  _ about the way Jason said it. Something like a glimmer in those grey eyes- and he really did have pretty eyes, Roy thought. The kid would grow up to break hearts, one day.

 

He reached out, made a point of keeping his face rather  _ stern _ , and plucked the cigarette from Jason’s fingers. Jason stopped, stared up at him, mouth falling open a little, like he expected Roy to chuck it away, like he was  _ shocked _ he’d reacted at all-

 

Roy simply wrapped his lips around it and took a drag. He tipped his head back, exhaled slowly, sighing a little as the nicotine hit his system.

 

Not the same, not even  _ close _ to the shit he’d jammed into his veins in the past. But it worked to keep his nerves relaxed.

 

“Keep it between us,” Roy said, taking another drag, before passing the cigarette back to Jason. “And my lips are sealed kid. Just promise not to get into the  _ hard stuff _ .”

 

Jason stared at the cigarette in his hand, before he looked up at Roy. “Hell no,” he said, “that shit ruins lives. Watched it kill me mom. I don’t plan to rot like her.”

 

There was venom, in his voice. But there was  _ sadness _ too, and suddenly Jason Todd seemed small. It was easy for Roy to forget that this kid, this  _ fifteen year old kid _ , lost his family, lived on the streets- that he’d only been with Bruce a few years. That his life had been  _ completely different _ .

 

He’d watched his mother waste away. He’d had to fend for himself and for  _ her _ . He’d grown up before he’d ever even been allowed to be a kid.

 

And he seemed so  _ small _ , then.

 

Roy reached over, slipped his arm around Jason’s shoulders and tugged him in, pressing him to his side. “You’ll be alright,” he said, as Jason took another drag. And he wasn’t even sure  _ why _ he was saying it- but from the way Jason looked away, maybe he needed to hear it.

 

Roy figured the world painted a picture of his new life as  _ easy _ , but he’d bet it was just as hard as it had been, before Bruce stepped in. Hard for different reasons.

 

He gave Jason a squeeze, and didn’t fail to notice that Jason smoked his cigarette until it nearly burnt his fingertips. Like he was reluctant to let this one go.

 

*

 

Jason would’ve been willing to burn his  _ lips _ on that cigarette. Hell, he’d almost wanted to let it burn his tongue, to swallow down ash, all because Roy’s  _ mouth _ had been there. And  _ god _ , it made him feel dizzy. Hadn’t helped, when Roy’s arm had gone around his shoulders, when he’d squeezed him. Jason wanted to touch one of his hands, wanted to study the calluses- wanted to kiss his fingerpads.

 

All these things he had to force down into his writhing gut, because he knew he couldn’t  _ have _ them.

 

It made him anxious. He was rather glad when he bought two new packs of cigarettes that the clerk didn’t  _ notice _ his anxiety. Even if Jason’s fake ID was air tight, he still hated when he was scrutinized. He was  _ good _ at making himself seem older, holding his shoulder and head differently, making himself look even bigger than he was- but it was never a good feeling, knowing someone was picking you apart.

 

He also didn’t fail to notice that Roy made a point of  _ not watching _ when he bought them.

 

“Accessory to the crime,” Roy pointed out, on the walk back. “I don’t want the old Bat after me.  _ Or Dick _ . How’d you get a fake ID anyway kid?”

 

Jason just  _ stared _ up at him, and Roy would’ve smacked his palm right up into his forehead, if his hands weren’t full, holding bags.

 

“Stupid question, you’re a Bat, nevermind. Dad brain is sinking in. Happens when you wake up at odd hours and start conversing in  _ baby talk _ . Especially when you don’t have someone around to talk to aside of your kid.”

 

Jason stuffed his hands into his pockets. “You can talk to me,” he blurted, before he could stop himself. And when he  _ realized _ he probably sounded like an idiot, he added, “I mean, I know I’m not Dick and all, but… I’d listen. Or talk back. Whatever ya want, really.”

 

He shrugged a shoulder, looked away- and felt an elbow suddenly bumping into him. “I’d mess with your hair, but I’d probably smack you in the face with a bag,” Roy teased, “I’d love to talk to you, kid. Don’t count yourself short-  _ no one _ is Dick Grayson except the man himself. And really, we  _ only _ need one of him.”

 

Jason glanced back up, felt himself blushing, and offered a sheepish smile. Because it was  _ hard _ to hide around Roy- especially when he kept saying  _ exactly _ what Jason wanted to hear. Needed to hear.

 

*

 

The first time Jason went to Roy  _ alone _ , Lian was already over four months old. She was growing so fast, Jason noticed, standing in Roy’s apartment while Roy tried to hush her.

 

“She’s been fussing a lot lately,” Roy said, looking a little tired, a little ragged, around the edges. He was in full gear, minus the mask, and most of his  _ toys _ , and Jason hadn’t  _ seen _ him in his get up in quite a while. Hadn’t really seen the new  _ Arsenal _ look, except for glimpses.

 

He was having a hard time standing upright.

 

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” Roy asked, trying to rock Lian. She sniffled, scrunching up her face- but the wail never came. Jason only nodded, dropping his backpack next to the couch and holding out his arms. Roy passed the baby to him, and Jason smiled down at her, rocking her gently. “Okay. I swear, I’m going to try and make this  _ brief _ . Dick  _ swore _ he would have me back, before the night was out. Even if he had to have Kori personally fly my ass home.”

 

“Relax,” Jason said, shifting Lian up to his shoulder. “I got nowhere to be. B  _ promised _ he wouldn’t let Gotham burn down while I was gone.” He rubbed Lian’s back when he heard her sniffle again. “And what’s the difference between her crying and Dick’s singing?”

 

Roy  _ laughed _ at that, a loud bark that had him doubling over, a hand pressed to his gut. “God kid,” he said, reaching out to get his hand in Jason’s hair- petting more than messing it up. “I could get used to you being around.”

 

Jason smiled, hoped it hid the way he wanted to jump out of his skin. How he wanted to turn his head,  _ just enough _ , to kiss Roy’s wrist despite his gloves and bracers. Wanted to feel his pulse against his lips, because it had to be some divine sort of rhythm that Jason could internalize, would replicate-

 

He was  _ pathetic _ and he wasn’t sure if there was a way for him to make it stop.

 

“Hey, pumpkin,” Roy said, leaning down a little. Lian shifted, looked right at him, and the way Roy smiled had Jason feeling mesmerized. There was so much  _ love _ in it that he could barely wrap his head around it. “Daddy has to go for a bit. Can you be good for Jay?” He leaned down, settled his large hand behind her head, kissed her cheek, her forehead- lingered there, like he didn’t want to leave. “I love you,” he whispered, and Lian  _ giggled _ , smiling at the sound of his voice.

 

When Roy did pull away, Jason didn’t miss the sadness in his eyes.

 

Once Roy had left the apartment completely, Jason settled on the couch with Lian. He had his back against the arm of the couch, was holding Lian facing him in his lap while she chewed enthusiastically on a toy. “You’re a lucky kid,” he said, as she squeezed the toy, hands learning the bumpy texture. “Your dad really loves you. He… he could’ve  _ not _ .”

 

Lian didn’t look up, even as she turned the toy, getting drool on her own hands as she chewed on a new part.

 

“I mean, he didn’t plan on this. Any of it. And the Roy I knew… god, he  _ lived _ for what he did, in his suit. He lived for chasing baddies half way across the world. Lived for a  _ thrill _ .” Jason sucked on his tongue. “Liked girls and the bottle, and once, stuff  _ way worse _ . Least he cleaned up from that.” Lian glanced up finally, and Jason added, “He’s cleaned up a  _ lot _ .”

 

And it was  _ true. _ Jason knew the path Roy could’ve taken. He could’ve been a real  _ shit _ dad- Jason would know, he  _ had _ one, he’d seen plenty. Didn’t plan on a kid, didn’t  _ want _ one, and wasn’t about to change life at all for said kid. But Roy… he  _ had _ changed. Everything.

 

He acted like Lian was his life- and yeah, he was learning, Jason knew. But he was learning fast and he was  _ trying _ .

 

And something about that, it made the butterflies in Jason’s belly act up even more.

 

“Your dad loves you so much,” Jason said, as Lian went back to chewing on her toy. “He’s gonna give you the world, someday. Just you watch. You’re gonna be alright, Lian.” He pulled her closer, and Lian bumped against his chest. She didn’t seem too concerned about it, but did drop her toy in favor of fisting Jason’s tshirt, feeling the soft texture and giggling over it. “And he probably  _ can _ . Roy’s just amazing. He can do  _ anything _ .” Jason sighed, and if he sounded like a  _ lovesick teenager _ -

 

Well, it was because he  _ was  _ one.

 

“If I was just in Dick’s place instead,” Jason mused, mostly to himself now. “If he didn’t look at me like I’m a  _ kid _ . I’d…” he paused, before he started blushing, and lifted Lian up, held her up over his head. “Aw, you don’t wanna hear how I wanna kiss your dad, do ya princess?” Lian stared down at him, before she clapped her little hands. Jason smiled. “I hope that’s you approving, ya know. Pretty sure you’re gonna control his life, and he wouldn’t  _ dream _ of bein’ with someone you don’t approve of.”

 

Jason lowered her back down, pushing off the couch. He settled her back in her bounce chair, so he could get her bottle ready- and told himself it wasn’t like any of it  _ mattered _ .

 

Roy Harper was out of his  _ league _ , and he was kidding himself with every moment he spent hung up on him.

 

*

 

Jason was hunched over the coffee table, glaring at his math book, when he heard Lian, through the baby monitor. He didn’t know what time it was, wasn’t sure how long he’d been working out these  _ stupid _ problems, but his head was hurting from it, and he was pretty sure he was pressing down so hard with his pencil in his notebook that he was tearing through the pages.

 

He dropped his pencil on the book, stood up and headed for her room. He pushed the door open, was hit full force with her wailing, and cringed. He hurried over to the crib, leaning over it and scooping her up. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at her face- now red from the strain. It was easy to tell she didn’t need to be changed, and she was getting to the point that she didn’t wake up, at night. He remembered Roy saying that- except she’d fussed a lot, last night.

 

Jason settled her to his chest and shoulder, held a hand against the back of her head, and bounced her a little, hushing her. When the crying didn’t stop, he sighed, heading back out of her room and towards the living room. He glanced at the clock, saw it was after eleven- and that would explain why his eyes burned a little. He’d spent hours on his homework, and he had been up  _ early _ -

 

And he hadn’t told Dick or Roy, but he’d been out  _ late _ patrolling, the night before.

 

Lian nearly shrieked, and Jason cringed, as he flopped down on the couch. “Hush babygirl,” he said, trying to stroke her back. “You’re okay. Your dad’ll be home soon I bet.”

 

She hiccuped, her breath coming unsteady from her crying, and Jason lifted her up, held her away for a moment to get a good look at her. She  _ looked _ alright, except for the tears on her cheeks- which made his belly ache.

 

He settled her in his lap, grabbed one of the toys she had been chewing on earlier, and offered it to her. She grabbed it, and the moment it was in her hands, it was in her mouth, where she gnawed as best as she could-

 

“You’re teething!” Jason exclaimed, eyes going wide- and he was flooded with  _ relief _ . The last thing he wanted was for something to be  _ wrong _ , especially when he was alone with her. Lian looked up at him, much more content with the toy in her mouth. Jason smiled, brushed his hand along her hair- and it was so  _ soft _ he couldn’t believe it. “Must suck, huh?” Lian kept staring, and Jason continued to pet her hair. “S’okay, this is a  _ good _ thing. Really. Your dad’s gonna be excited I bet. How cool- bet you got his smile. You know, that lazy, crooked half smile, the kind that-”

 

Jason paused, before he laughed at himself, almost bitter.

 

“You don’t know  _ what _ I’m sayin’,” he offered, turning Lian so he could look down at her properly. “And if ya could, you wouldn’t wanna hear this. Sorry… just sucks, you know? Really  _ likin’ _ someone and knowing it’s not gonna  _ be _ anything.” He helped turn the toy, so that the more textured portion of the ring was in Lian’s mouth, and she made a pleased little noise. “I’d be so good to him,” Jason said, like he couldn’t stop himself. “I  _ would _ . And I’d help with you and I wouldn’t be in his  _ way _ . I’d make sure he was happy.”

 

He lifted Lian, rubbed his cheek against hers, and she let the toy fall from her mouth long enough to giggle.

 

“I’d love you and him,” Jason said, holding Lian tight. “I  _ would _ . I know he thinks I’m a kid but… I’m  _ not _ . At least, not like all the other kids. I can be an adult.” He sighed, and the way he was holding Lian- it was as much for his own comfort, as it was for hers.

 

“I’d make him happy,” he said again, trying to not choke on the words- because it hurt. Hurt in the despairing part of his gut where he knew there was no chance, no way- and yet, he couldn’t  _ stop _ wishing there was. Couldn’t push off the desire to just push into Roy’s chest and never want to leave- couldn’t push off the desire to want to  _ kiss _ him.

 

To want to be a part of his life, a  _ lasting part _ .

 

*

 

Roy crept into the apartment, trying to make as little noise as possible. He ached in so many different ways, muscles pulled and used in ways he hadn’t since bringing Lian home- but it felt  _ good _ , to still have the ghost of the wind in his hair, on his face.

 

The apartment was dark, the only lights coming from the clock on the microwave, in the kitchen- and the clock on the DVD player, in the living room. He stood in the small limbo between the two, before he headed towards the living room, peeking around the couch-

 

Finding Jason curled up on it, sound asleep. Roy smiled down at him, tossed his bow and quiver into the empty chair and glanced at the coffee table. It was a littered mess, a couple open books and notebooks-

 

The kid had been doing his  _ homework _ .

 

Roy chuckled, reaching for the blanket on the back of the couch and tugging it down, over Jason. He tucked him in carefully, and Jason shifted, mumbling in his sleep. Roy studied him for a minute, and even in the dark, he could see the faint splotches of freckles, on his cheeks. Not nearly as many as Roy had himself, but just enough to be noticeable- especially when he smiled, and they rose up towards his eyes with his cheeks, were against those thick, dark lashes-

 

Jason was pretty. He was pretty in ways Roy figured most people didn’t see.

 

He broke off his thoughts and stood up, grabbed his quiver, his bow, and headed for his room. He tossed them haphazardly into it, before sneaking into Lian’s room. She was sound asleep in her crib, one of her toys in with her, left abandoned by one of her little hands. Roy plucked one of his gloves off, reached down and brushed at her hair, ran the backs of his fingers along her warm cheeks.

 

When he left her room, it was to head back to his own, to toss off his other glove, his mask- gather up another loose blanket from his bed, one of his pillows. He headed back for the living room, left the blanket on the arm of the couch and reached down, gently curled his arm behind Jason’s head and shoulders.

 

“Up a little for me, Jay,” he whispered, and Jason sighed, lifted almost  _ too _ easily. Roy slipped the pillow under his head, settled him back down, watched as Jason turned his head, pressed his cheek into it- sighed. Roy’s smile softened, and he reached out, gently stroked Jason’s hair. It was  _ soft _ , messy dark curls that felt like raw silk, trying to wrap around his fingers. Roy’s fingers moved down, to the base of Jason’s neck, felt warm skin-

 

And for a moment, for a mere  _ second _ , he wondered if he should leave Jason here. If it would be better to lift the boy into his arms and settle him in his bed. If Jason would wake up- if he’d turn his face into Roy’s chest and sleep away. If he’d curl up in Roy’s arms, for the whole night.

 

He imagined sleeping with Jason would be like holding a sunspark, all warmth and  _ awe _ , making him never want to open his eyes.

 

Roy pulled his hand back, frowning at himself.  _ No _ , the couch was just fine. Jason seemed comfortable and content, and there was no reason to ruin that.

 

He straightened up, grabbed the second blanket, and settled that over him as well. And then- because he couldn’t help himself- he dared to reach down, brush his hair back one more time.

 

He leaned over, and very gently, kissed Jason’s temple. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered, smiling a little- and the affection he felt, was enough to spill up from his belly all the way to his eyes, the sparkling there known to no one, except the shadows of his apartment.

 

*

 

Jason woke up with a comforting smell, enveloping him. Something he  _ recognized _ , and he buried his face into it, inhaled slowly, a smile creeping up onto his face. Made him feel secure, made his belly start to dilute, everything under his skin turning to liquid.

 

Slowly, he let his eyes flutter open. Roy’s apartment was blurry at first, but slowly, it began to clear. He yawned, tugging at the blanket around his shoulders-

 

_ Blanket _ ?

 

Jason sat up, braced himself with one hand and rubbed at his eyes with the other. Last thing he remembered was flopping down on the couch in the dark and thinking he’d get a blanket or something  _ in just five minutes _ . He yawned, sat up properly and stretched, arms up over his head so his tshirt rode up, away from the waistband of his sweatpants. He was just beginning to relax when it  _ hit _ him.

 

The pillow smelled like  _ Roy _ . The blanket smelled like Roy.

 

_ Roy had tucked him in _ .

 

A flood of color hit his cheeks, and Jason grabbed at the blanket, pulled it up over his head and completely hid beneath it- even if there was no one to see him at all.

 

Roy had tucked him in. Roy had come home, gotten a pillow under his head, had  _ wrapped him up in a blanket _ \- Roy had taken the  _ time _ to make Jason comfortable. Jason reached up, touched his mouth, wondered if Roy had touched his hair, if he’d look at him at all. He squeezed his eyes shut, grinning like a fool to himself, almost  _ giggling _ .

 

_ Roy Harper had tucked him into the couch _ !

 

Jason covered his mouth, almost wishing his grin away, before he tossed the blanket off. He flopped back down onto his belly, pressed his face into the pillow and hugged it, inhaling deeply. He sighed, flooded with the scent of Roy’s hair, his soap, that cheap cologne that  _ worked _ on him. Everything that made Jason giddy and mad with affection. He let himself giggle again, laughing into the pillow and actually  _ kicking _ his legs, like a damn child.

 

He didn’t care. He didn’t care in the  _ slightest _ .

 

It was only when he heard Lian, over the baby monitor, that he managed to pull himself together. He sat up, looking at it, and heard a little whine. He jumped up, raking his hands back through his messy curls as his bare feet padded across the apartment. He pushed her bedroom door open, was quick to scoop her up before she could really fuss and wake Roy up.

 

Once he had her all changed, he carried her back out to the living room, plopping down on the couch with her and kissing one of her plump cheeks. Lian giggled, reached out and got her hands on Jason’s cheeks, pushing against them. He let her, sticking his tongue out and making a face at her, and she  _ shrieked _ with laughter.

 

“Shhh,” he said, when her hands fell away, reaching for his hair. “You’re gonna wake your dad-  _ ow _ !” He cringed when she got a thick curl in her hand and  _ pulled _ . Jason sighed, and waited until her grip relaxed, before he lowered her down, into his lap. “You little monster,” he teased, “start pullin’ hair and your daddy is in  _ big _ trouble.”

 

After all, Roy did have all that long ginger hair, and Jason figured it wrapped around fingers and hands nicely-

 

He shook his head, and noticed Lian was looking up at him with those big, dark eyes. Like she was studying him. “What?” he asked, before he sighed. “Sorry. Just… a little out of it this morning. Your dad tucked me in. Do you know how  _ cool _ that is? Like, he  _ cared _ enough. I slept on his  _ pillow _ , Lian.” Lian made a little noise, babbling a little. “I woke up and everything smelled like him and it was like a  _ dream _ .” Jason sighed, before he shook his head. “Aw, here I go again. Sorry Lian. C’mon, you probably want something to chew on, right?” He held her up with one hand, reaching for her toys and finding one that looked suitable. He handed it to her, and as expected, she instantly popped part of it into her mouth, chewing. “Gotta help those little  _ teethies _ ,” Jason teased, booping her nose. She giggled, drooled on the toy as she shifted it, and Jason rocked her against his chest in a hug, kissing the top of her head.

 

He settled her in her little chair, shortly after, and once he was sure she couldn’t get into too much trouble, headed for the kitchen. Lian wasn’t whining about being hungry yet- and Jason decided to hold off on feeding her for the moment, deciding instead he’d worry about feeding the  _ other _ Harper in the house.

 

*

 

Roy woke up to the subtle sounds of movement, around the apartment. But no crying. He sighed, flopped his arm over his pillow, nestling into it, could have drifted back to sleep-

 

But the apartment shouldn’t be quiet,  _ and what time was it _ ? He lifted his head, fumbled for his nightstand and grabbed his phone, before he sat up, tugging at his hair. How was Lian not crying for him yet?

 

He tossed his phone down, threw his blanket off and was up, heading out his door in just his pajama pants. But the moment he stepped into the living room, he saw Lian bouncing happily in her chair, a toy in her mouth that she seemed  _ determined _ to chew  _ through _ if she could.

 

He smiled, walked over and bent down, kissed the top of her head. “Good morning buttercup,” he said, and she glanced up at him- before deciding her toy was far more interesting.

 

He let her be for the moment, turning and heading for the kitchen- where he found Jason, one hand on his hip, the other holding the fridge door open.

 

“Mornin’,” Roy offered, and heard Jason  _ huff _ .

 

“You need to  _ actually _ go grocery shopping,” Jason said, not turning around. “How do you even  _ feed _ yourself?”

 

“Check the freezer,” Roy admitted, heading for the counter and opening his coffee machine. Jason shook his head, grabbed the carton of eggs and shoved the fridge shut.

 

“How do you like your eggs?” he asked, heading for the stove, where he had a pan sitting, already warmed and greased.

 

“Uh, scrambled,” Roy said, watching him with a brow quirked. “You don’t have to make me breakfast, Jason.”

 

Jason only shrugged, ignoring him and cracking an egg into the pan. Roy left him to do it, focused on the coffee machine. The moment it was running, the apartment flooded with the smell of coffee, and Roy sighed. He was running on it  _ way _ more than he ever had.

 

He was hunting down mugs, when he heard Jason turning the stove off, moving the pan to a cool burner. Roy settled two on the counter, before he grabbed two plates, passed them to the teen. Jason took them, and Roy hadn’t even gotten the drawer open with the silverware, before Jason was trying to shoo him to the table. Roy managed to grab two forks, before he laughed, dropping down into a kitchen chair.

 

Jason set the plates down, but didn’t sit down himself. He turned, headed back to the stove, while Roy stabbed his fork into a very fluffy looking hunk of egg and popped it into his mouth.

 

And in that moment, he realized how  _ long _ it had probably been since he’d actually eaten a  _ real  _ breakfast. Pop Tarts or dry cereal probably didn’t count.

 

“Oh my god,” Roy said, trying to remember to  _ swallow _ before he spoke. “You can  _ cook _ ?”

 

“They’re scrambled eggs,” Jason said, dropping the pan into the sink before heading back over and settling in his own chair. “It’s not anything  _ special _ . Might’ve been, if you’d had real food.” He popped his own fork into his mouth.

 

“Okay, but these are still  _ great _ . You should see me try to cook- they’re either burnt or  _ runny _ and it’s just… gross.” Roy popped another fork full into his mouth. “I live on Pop Tarts, kid. By the time I’m done feeding Lian, all I really want is coffee anyway.” Jason shook his head, and Roy added, “Just tell Dick you’re never going home, because holy  _ shit  _ I could get used to real food.”

 

Jason’s cheeks tinged pink, and Roy smiled. It was  _ cute _ , when the kid blushed. Hid his freckles, which was a shame, but it made him want to touch Jason’s cheeks, feel how warm they were. “I like to cook,” he admitted, looking down at his plate.

 

When he didn’t lift his eyes, Roy wondered if he was somehow  _ embarrassed _ over that. “Yeah?”

 

Jason nodded. “Alfred let’s me help him with dinner, if I’m not running out for patrol and my homework is done. He’s been teachin’ me a lot. I used to do the cooking, when I lived with my mom. She… she’d forget to eat and all, if I didn’t.” Jason shifted, looked like he wanted to curl in on himself. “And we never had  _ much _ , but I did what I could to make it taste like  _ something _ . You get creative, when you don’t really have anything.”

 

Jason set his fork down, glancing up, and those  _ eyes _ . For a second, they weren’t the eyes of a kid, they’d seen too much- there was terror and  _ hardship _ reflected in them like Roy had never seen.

 

And yes, the following moment, that was all they were. The eyes of a kid who had grown up too fast, who was  _ scared _ of what he had survived. Who was still lost, at the end of it all.

 

Roy pushed his chair back, only to get off it and down on a knee, next to Jason. He reached up, got his hands on Jason’s biceps, and held him steady.

 

“Hey, Jaybird,” he said, and Jason’s eyes snapped to him. “You’re alright. You’re away from that, now.”

 

“She’s not,” Jason mumbled, sighing. “She never got away from it. It’s not really fair that I did, is it?”

 

“It’s absolutely  _ fair _ that you’re safe now,” Roy said, squeezing. “Listen to me, Jason. You didn’t do anything  _ wrong _ . You took care of your mom. She made her choices, and  _ you _ paid for them. But you still loved her and tried to take care of her- and the people  _ around _ you. You deserve so much for that. You deserve everything in the world.” Jason said nothing, sucked his lower lip into his mouth, and Roy swore he saw those eyes  _ shimmer _ .

 

He wasn’t sure what he’d do, if Jason started crying.

 

“Jay, kid, you’re a wonder,” he said, “Okay? You survived what would’ve had so many of us giving up. And you just want to  _ help _ people now. Look what you do as Robin. You’re  _ protecting _ everyone still. But you can’t save everyone- but lemme tell you. Your mom? You made her life a lot less of the hell it could’ve been. Remember- I’ve  _ been _ there.” Roy glanced down, at the crook of his elbow,  _ hated _ the sight of his track marks. “She made her choices. You can’t blame yourself for them.”

 

Jason took in a breath carefully. “I… I just wish I could’ve  _ saved _ her.”

 

Roy watched his head drop, watched his shoulders shake. The sob was nearly silent, but it tore at Roy’s heart like a damn knife. He stood up, got his arms around Jason and pulled him into his chest, one hand stroking his hair.

 

“It’s okay,” Roy offered, “let it out Jay. It’s alright.” The next sob came harder- wracked Jason’s body in a way that had Roy clinging to him, almost desperately. His chest ached, and he could feel Jason’s hot cheek, pressed to his bare chest- feel the tears from his eyes.

 

He wondered if Jason had ever been given the chance to  _ mourn _ . If he’d ever gotten to actually cry, or if these few years with Bruce, he’d just bottled it up. He knew he had a more  _ brutish _ streak than Dick- knew the kid punched  _ harder _ and meant it-

 

And Roy wondered if anyone had ever stopped to ask Jason is the fuel behind his violence, behind his bitterness- was his own  _ self loathing _ .

 

He wondered if anyone had stopped to ask Jason  _ if he was okay _ ?

 

Roy continued to stroke his head, let Jason cry himself out. When his breaths came slower, Roy kept his arm locked around him, whispered, “You deserve to be safe, Jason.” Jason carefully lifted his head, looked up with slightly red eyes, with wet cheeks. “Don’t let her ghost drain the life out of you. You’re alive, you’re here, and you know what?” Roy paused, let his hand slide down from Jason’s hair, cupped his cheek. “You’re a good kid. You’re going to do wonders, one day.”

 

Jason sniffled, and Roy stroked his cheek with his thumb, rubbed a tear away. Jason kept staring up at him, and he was so young and yet  _ endless _ , in that moment. So pretty it made Roy’s heart melt.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jason mumbled, reaching up and wiping at one eye, collecting the tears on the back of his hand. “You didn’t need to see that.”

 

“Don’t apologize.” Roy kept his hand on Jason’s cheek, like he couldn’t move, like their skin had fused, and Jason was just a part of him, now. “You can always break around me, okay? I’m not afraid to get cut picking your pieces back up.” He gave Jason a smile, and Jason returned it- tentative and small. “I’ll always be here if you need me.”

 

It was a promise Roy couldn’t see himself making, to people.  _ Always be there _ , when he’d fucked up and run off so many damn times. But this… this was  _ different _ . He’d sworn to himself he’d be there, for no matter what Lian needed. He’d promised himself to his little girl, for the rest of his damn life.

 

And with Jason, it felt just as  _ true _ . Like he’d crawl out of the damn Earth, for him. All he had to do was say his name.

 

All he had to do was hurt, and Roy would  _ find him _ .

 

Jason nodded slowly, turned and nuzzled into Roy’s palm. For a moment, Roy swore he felt his lips, on his wrist-

 

And then it was gone, and Jason was stepping back, wrapping his arms around himself. Cocooning into himself defensively, like he was letting pieces of him show that he’d buried so deep he’d forgotten about. Shards of a boy too broken to see daylight.

 

“Lian’s probably hungry,” Jason said, sniffling again, rubbing at his eyes for a second time. Roy nodded- but didn’t move right away. She wasn’t fussing, which meant she was alright-  _ he knew her _ well enough now. And he was still worried about Jason-

 

“Really, I’m okay,” Jason said, forcing a smile. Roy hesitated, before he nodded. He left Jason in the kitchen, headed for the living room and scooped Lian up out of her chair-

 

Paused to kiss her cheek, to smell her soft hair as he inhaled. To silently promise that he wouldn’t ever let her hurt, like Jason did.

 

He’d take care of her.  _ He’d never leave her _ .

 

When he carried her back into the kitchen, Jason was hovering by the table. “I know you started feeding her solid food,” Jason said, “And I… don’t know how you like it made.”

 

“I can do it,” Roy said, “You don’t need to do  _ everything _ , Jason. Really. Sit down and finish eating.” He kept Lian in his arms as Jason sat back down, silently eating his breakfast. Roy managed to shift her about, as he mixed some rice cereal with her formula into a very thin mix. He carried it back to the table in a little bowl, the spoon settled in it, and set it down, about to sit down himself.

 

“I can feed her,” Jason offered, and before Roy could protest, “that way  _ you _ can finish eating.”

 

“...Alright,” Roy agreed, gently passing Lian to Jason. Jason smiled at her, settled her on his thigh and gave her a little bounce, and Roy hunted down one of her bibs, got it fastened around her. She fussed a little, but ultimately let him. Roy sat down as Jason reached for the bowl, lifting the little spoon. “She’s still getting used to it,” Roy warned, “so she’ll probably end up with more  _ on _ her than she actually eats.”

 

“That’s okay,” Jason said, his smile warm as he looked at Lian. “You’re cute enough that you can be messy, huh?” He offered her the spoon, and after a little nudge she opened her mouth. True to her father’s words, she pushed with her tongue enough that a decent amount ended up back on the spoon and her chin- but  _ some _ remained, and she smacked her little lips and gums together. Jason cleaned her chin off, managed to get her to keep the rest of the food in her mouth, when he tried again. “There we go. See Lian? It’s yummy, right?”

 

Roy smiled, leaning his chin down onto his palm and just  _ watching _ . He still couldn’t get over how  _ good _ Jason was with her. How natural he seemed. And how well Lian took to him- like he was just destined, to be in her life.

 

Jason got another spoonful, and again, Lian got most of it on her chin, but he didn’t seem the least concerned. He kept laughing, smiling at her. And when he did, these little crinkles appeared around his eyes, laughter lines that made him seem too damn pure for this world.

 

“You’re so cute when you smile,” Roy offered, without even  _ thinking _ . Jason looked up at that, had this look of  _ me? _ plastered all over his face. Roy realized what he’d said, and quickly added, “Just means you should smile more.”

 

Jason looked back down at Lian- but the  _ smile _ on his face was so warm, so true, that Roy swore his heart was going to beat until it burst.

 

He cleaned up, while Jason continued to feed Lian. It was a slow process, but the teen didn’t seem to mind. If anything, Lian seemed to be lightening his mood. Roy was at the sink, washing the dishes, when Jason suddenly said,

 

“You know she’s teething, right?”

 

Roy paused, holding a plate in one hand, a sponge in the other. “ _ Huh _ ?”

 

Jason chuckled, as he set the spoon down in the bowl, using Lian’s bib to wipe her face clean. “She’s teething. That’s why she was fussing. And will continue to do so.”

 

“Kinda early,” Roy said, finishing washing the plate and dropping it in the strainer, before he used a dish towel to dry his hands. He turned, walking over, as Jason shrugged.

 

“Sorta, but hey- it’s different for all kids. I remember a baby that started getting teeth when he was three months old. He wailed like a  _ banshee _ .” Roy lifted Lian up, kissing one of her cheeks and holding her out so she could look right at him.

 

“That true pumpkin? Have we got little teeth makin’ a home in there?” Lian giggled, smiling over her father's voice, and Roy kissed her other cheek. “You’re growing too fast already,” he admitted, as Jason got up and dropped her little bowl and spoon in the sink. “Pretty soon you’ll be reading and cursing me out and asking for advice on how to kick boys’ asses.”

 

Jason snorted at that, turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. Roy glanced over at him.

 

“What? Like that?”

 

Jason nodded. “I do, actually.” He watched the two for a moment, before he pushed off the counter, headed for the coffee machine. “How do you like your coffee?”

 

“You made breakfast, let me pour the coffee  _ at least _ ,” Roy said, but Jason was waving him off, grabbing the pot and filling the mugs Roy had left out earlier. “Jason, c’mon. And you  _ fed _ Lian. I’ve been pretty useless.”

 

“You don’t really get a break,” Jason said, heading for the fridge and- thankfully- finding creamer, He headed back, pouring some into each mug, before he reached for the sugar. “You’re here all day and night with Lian, and you’re still working- and now the only time you are leavin’, you’re going out with the  _ Titans _ .” Jason glanced over at him. “Let someone take care of you, for once.”

 

Roy clamped his mouth shut, as Jason stirred the sugar into their coffee. Because… wasn’t that what he’d  _ wanted _ ? So many damn nights at the bad end of a needle- was just someone to care enough to take the world from him, for five damn minutes. Someone to make sure he was okay- someone to  _ care _ enough to think he  _ needed _ something.

 

He forced himself back from his thoughts, when Jason offered him one of the mugs. He held Lian in one arm, the mug in his free hand, and took a sip despite the fact that he knew it was hot.

 

“You got the coffee right too,” he said, a little awe struck, and Jason smiled over his mug.

 

“We like it the same way,” he said, and it was quiet,  _ sheepish _ , child-like and happy. Roy only smiled over that, took another sip.

 

“You ever think that maybe this is what you want, someday?” Jason stared at him, and Roy realized how  _ vague _ that was. “Uh, I mean- you’re good in the kitchen. You’ve got Alfred teaching you. Ever think this might be where you want to end up?”

 

“What, a chief?”

 

“Kid, you’d probably own a chain of five-star restaurants. And I’d go to everyone.”

 

Jason blushed over that, before he shrugged his shoulder. “I dunno,” he admitted, “I just do it because I wanna know how. I wanna help Alfred, and I have fun. I never thought about… later…” he sighed. “For a long time there wasn’t a  _ future _ , there was just a  _ maybe tomorrow _ . It’s still weird to try and look that far ahead.” Jason sipped at his coffee, was quiet for a minute. “I like languages.”

 

“Yeah? I remember Dick saying you’re pretty good with them.” Roy nodded towards the living room, and Jason took the hint, heading out towards it. He beat Roy, and was shoving the blankets and pillow towards one end, cramming himself against them, as Roy sat at the opposite end. “What did he say you were learning, German?”

 

“Learned it,” Jason said, getting his legs up on the couch, his feet planted on the ledge. “I learned German and Russian already. I can even read lips pretty well. And I already knew Spanish. B is trying to teach me Portuguese.”

 

“ _ Jesus kid _ ,” Roy said, as Lian leaned back against him, smacking her little hands against his arm and giggling over the noises. “You’re like, a genius.”

 

Jason shook his head. “Nah. Just good with words I guess. I dunno, at least I’m good at something.” He nodded down towards the book left open on the table. “I understand a lot of this stuff, but  _ doing _ it the way they want me to never  _ works _ ? I spent so damn long on my math and it just didn’t come out right. I get numbers, but they just… they put you in these little boxes and tell you how to solve things, and maybe my brain doesn’t  _ work _ like that.”

 

Roy set his mug down, leaning over and looking at the books. “Well, if you want,” he offered, “I can help you out.”

 

“Really?” Jason perked up, and Roy nodded.

 

“Sure. We’ll get Lian something to sink her little growing fangs into, and you and I will crunch some numbers.”

 

“I don’t wanna waste your time,” Jason said, and Roy turned, stared at him.

 

“Jason,” he said,  _ softly _ , like his name had a reverence to it. “You never waste my time. You’re  _ worth _ my time.” Jason looked down at his mug.

 

“If you’re sure.” And before Roy could even interject, “Will we have time? When is Dick comin’ to get me?”

 

“I think he crashed with Kori last night…” Roy said, and Jason made a little face.

 

“We have time,” he said, and Roy  _ laughed _ . He laughed with an ease he wasn’t used to- and when he caught another glimpse of Jason’s little smile, he knew the kid was smiling  _ because _ he was laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all the warm feedback!
> 
> I'll at least have an update for you guys on 5/10! Possibly before, depending on how much more I write :)

Roy dodged a box on the floor as he made his way from the kitchen to the living room, where Lian was laid out on her playmat, giggling on her tummy. He scooped her up, kissing her cheek as he did so and getting a louder giggle, as he flopped down on the couch. “Bottle time princess,” he said, getting her situated. She fussed a little, seemed more interested in trying to pull his hair or snuggle up into his shoulder- until Roy offered her the bottle. Then her attention was rapt.

 

Roy glanced around the living room as he fed Lian. His apartment was in utter disarray, boxes thrown  _ everywhere _ . He’d realized rather quickly that this apartment didn’t have enough space for he and Lian- and while he’d made it work at first, she was moving more now, and there just wasn’t the  _ space _ for that.

 

He’d found another apartment, bigger, and the lease had  _ just _ started on that. He’d managed, with some help, to start moving a few things over- non-essentials- but today was the  _ actual _ move-in day.

 

He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it.

 

He glanced down at Lian, who had almost finished her bottle entirely. He’d packed away almost the entirety of the kitchen, and knew she wouldn’t be thrilled about her breakfast not including her little rice cereal, but there wasn’t much of a choice.

 

“Just for today, pumpkin,” he said, when she finished the bottle and pushed it away. He lifted her up, got her on his shoulder so that she was positioned over the cloth he’d tossed there when he first got her bottle, and stood up. He gave her back a gentle rub as he headed back to the kitchen, leaving her bottle next to the sink.

 

Reinforcements would be there soon- namely, Dick and Donna. They’d taken the whole day to devote to him and the move, and Roy was just hoping they could get everything in the apartment and Lian’s room partially pieced together fairly quickly.

 

It’d be easier, if they had someone to watch Lian the whole time- but it was a school day, and that meant  _ no Jason _ . Which was a shame, Roy was always glad to see the kid. And he worked  _ wonders _ with Lian.

 

Plus, he seemed happy around her. Roy was beginning to think Jason was happy far  _ less _ than he ever let on.

 

Roy was strapping Lian into her bounce chair when there was a knock at his door. He left her with a few toys, found Dick and Donna smiling at him happily in the hallway. He let them in, got a tight hug from each of them, before Donna was off to check in on Lian.

 

Roy could  _ hear _ her cooing over how big Lian had gotten.

 

“You look tired,” Dick said, giving Roy’s shoulder a rub. “You alright?”

 

“We had a rough night,” Roy admitted, “teething and all. I’m still thankful Jason caught on to that so quickly- I didn’t even  _ think _ it’d be happening yet.”

 

“He’s a sharp kid,” Dick said, moving to rub Roy’s back. “Pissed he’s not here. I made the mistake of telling him I was helping you move. He asked to skip school and  _ everything _ .”

 

“I would have welcomed it,” Roy admitted, “someone to watch Lian while we do this would be a godsend.”

 

Dick shrugged a shoulder. “I wouldn’t wanna push it with Bruce. He and Jason aren’t exactly  _ agreeing _ on everything right now.” He pulled his hand back, heading into the living room, where Donna had promptly taking Lian  _ out _ of her chair, was making faces at her and getting the toddler to giggle. She  _ squealed _ when she saw Dick, making little grabby hands at him, and Dick took her with a smile, kissing her nose. “Hey there jelly bean!”

 

“What’s going on with him and Bruce?” Roy asked, trying to keep the concern he felt bubbling in his chest down.

 

Dick didn’t look at him, only shrugged a shoulder. “Oh, you know. The usual butting heads. It’s  _ Bruce _ we’re talking about, Roy. Only a matter of time until the kid got to see this part of him.” Dick kissed Lian’s cheek now. “I told Jason not to ask Bruce. Bruce threatened to bench him for a  _ month _ the other night.”

 

“Over  _ what _ ?”

 

“He broke a guy’s arm,” Dick said, as Donna pulled her hair back. “ _ Reckless use of force _ was how he quoted Bruce. I wasn’t there, I don’t know if the guy deserved it- but Bruce has been calling Jason out on how he fights.”

 

“Well, what does he expect? Is he  _ talking _ to the kid about why?” Roy moved into the room now, and Dick glanced at him, before he handed Lian to Donna. “God does  _ anyone _ stop to ask that kid if he’s alright?”

 

Dick quirked up a brow, folded his arms. “Something you’re not telling me?”

 

Roy paused, thought back to Jason in his kitchen, two weeks prior. Thought to the kid crying in his arms because he wanted to  _ save _ everyone, and he couldn’t. Saw the survivor’s guilt in those gorgeous grey eyes- and his chest ached, over the idea that Jason, that a  _ kid _ , could hurt so much.

 

“I just worry about him. He’s a good kid, and… maybe Bruce needs to step back and talk to him a little? About  _ real things _ . No just school or cases. Maybe he needs to ask Jason if he’s okay and remind him he’s  _ allowed to not be _ .”

 

Dick fidgeted under that, looked uncomfortable. Maybe he was feeling  _ guilty _ for not doing that either- and god, Roy wasn’t blaming him. Not at  _ all _ . Dick wasn’t on the best terms with Bruce at the moment, he knew. Which made it harder for him to even  _ see _ Jason. And when he did, Roy figured the last thing they wanted to talk about were the bad things-

 

But  _ still _ .

 

“We better get moving,” Roy finally said, realizing this wasn’t the time, the place, to have this conversation. “We’ve got a lot to do in one day.”

 

Dick nodded, while Donna eyed the two of them- obviously concerned, but keeping it to herself. She’d worked with Jason as well, and Roy knew she could see the kid’s potential.

 

He wondered if she’d ever noticed how badly his eyes looked like they were cracking, in the right light.

 

*

 

“I appreciate this,” Roy said, as he crouched down, pushing a socket cover into the wall. Behind him, Jason was holding Lian in one arm, against his hip. She seemed content to tug at his tshirt, happy the moment he had walked into the apartment and she had seen him. “It’s just nice to have an extra set of eyes on her while I make sure this place is  _ Lian proof _ .”

 

“Anytime,” Jason said, as Lian tugged at his shirt again, got it into her mouth. He looked down at her and only  _ laughed _ , shaking his head. “Sorry I couldn’t help you move and all yesterday. Dick said it was rough.”

 

“We managed,” Roy said with a smile, straightening up and walking towards Jason. “The three of us managed to get everything  _ in here _ at least, and keep Lian from  _ rolling _ off.” Jason snorted over that, and Roy reached down, gave his hair a good tousle. “Besides, you had school. That’s important kid.”

 

“One day won’t kill me,” Jason said, “‘Sides, B didn’t let me patrol last night.” Roy nodded, pausing to fold his arms.

 

“Dick said you and Bruce weren’t seeing eye to eye.”

 

Jason shrugged a shoulder. “Dick said he could be like this. You don’t do something  _ exactly _ how he wants it done, and he acts like you did  _ everything _ wrong. It’s like that math homework- I’m getting the right  _ solution _ , just not the way he wanted me to.”

 

“Dick said you’re being a little  _ excessive _ .”

 

“I’m not doin’ anything different,” Jason said, as Lian continued to chew at his shirt. “I know how to use my  _ body _ . I kept myself  _ alive _ way before Bruce ever took me in. He might have refined me, but I just don’t… I’m not the  _ same _ as him. I’m always gonna be different.”

 

He looked down, away- at the floor, and Roy felt his chest caving in a little. “Did the guy deserve it?” he asked. Jason was quiet for a second.

 

“He was  _ sayin’ _ things, Roy. Disgusting things. What he wanted to  _ do _ to this girl. Yeah, he wasn’t  _ doin’ _ them, and I probably could’ve scared him off but… would he  _ learn _ ? Besides, I don’t have time for shit like that. Thinkin’ someone else’s body is theirs for the taking. It’s  _ gross _ .” He looked up, and Roy reached for his shoulder, gave it a squeeze.

 

“I don’t want to make things worse between you and Bruce,” Roy said, “But… sometimes, some people- they  _ do _ deserve it.” Roy watched as Jason’s eyes lit up, over that. Over  _ validation _ , like this kid just needed to be told he could do something right.

 

Roy swore his ribs were piercing into his lungs, his heart.

 

“Just make sure you rein it in sometimes, Jaybird. You’re gonna be a  _ powerhouse _ someday, and you can’t forget that.” He gave his shoulder a little punch, and Jason laughed. Roy glanced down then, noticed that Lian had successfully drooled on Jason’s tshirt. “Lian,  _ honey _ .”

 

“S’okay,” Jason said, lifting her up and holding her out, sticking his tongue out at her. “I don’t mind. Baby drool’s not so bad.” He pulled her back in, following Roy into the kitchen. Jason’s backpack was on the floor by the- now larger- kitchen table, a few of his books already out on the table.

 

“If you wanna put Lian in her chair while you do your homework,” Roy said, looking at all the  _ child safety _ locks on the counter he had to install on  _ all _ the cupboards, “She’d probably be just fine. She’s been a bit cranky with her teething, but she’s always a  _ princess _ around you.” Roy glanced over as Jason tugged out one of the chairs, sitting down onto it, and added, “She must know a real knight when she sees on.”

 

Jason flushed, the color obscuring his cheeks, and when he spoke, Roy swore his voice almost cracked. “I can just hold onto her,” Jason said, “I just have to read a little. And if she fusses I’ll just do it after she goes to bed.” He settled Lian on his knee, cracking open one of the well worn paperbacks on the table.

 

“Read what?” Roy asked, tearing into one of the packages of locks.

 

“Shakespeare.  _ Macbeth _ ,” Jason said, smiling. “Read it already once, but I figure I should again.”

 

“Didn’t take you for a Shakespeare guy,” Roy said, and Jason shrugged a shoulder.

 

“I like him. He’s really cool in other languages. Alfred found a copy of  _ Hamlet _ in German and gave it to me a few weeks ago. B was mad because I stayed up all night reading it. S’good though. Really cool to know a story and get to hear it in your head, in another language. Alfred said he’d find me more, even if he has to smuggle them in behind Bruce’s back.”

 

Roy laughed at that- pictured the butler with the books in crinkly, old, brown paper bags- knocking on Jason’s bedroom door in the dead of night and passing them off like contraband.

 

He could  _ also _ picture Jason up, all night. Snuggled back into his pillows with a lamp on, unable to look away from the pages, even when his eyes ached. How dawn would come and wash over the manor and he’d still be reading- probably  _ rereading _ his favorite scenes, at that point. How he’d smile and the lines would tug at his eyes, the freckles lifting up to be dusted by his dark lashes.

 

How he looked like everything Roy wished he could see, everyday, for this kid. How he looked  _ happy _ .

 

“You’re too smart for your own good,” Roy said, dropping the package of locks and walking over. He dropped an arm down on Jason’s shoulder, leaned his chin right atop his head. Lian looked up and giggled over it. “Don’t ever stop though, okay? Don’t let anyone tell you you’re  _ not _ .”

 

Jason said nothing, and Roy lifted his head, got his arm across Jason’s shoulders and collarbone in an awkward hug. “They already do,” Jason said with a shrug. “The kids, at school. Talk ‘bout how  _ Mr. Wayne _ was just cleaning trash off the streets with me.” Jason sighed, and it was heavy,  _ too damn heavy  _ for a kid his age. “I’m not like Dick,” Jason reasoned, “My parents… I don’t even know if they really  _ loved _ me, ever. I doubt dad did. Mom, maybe. Once. But I loved her anyway. But… I don’t have that  _ charm _ and I can’t learn it, and these other kids, they don’t  _ get _ it. They don’t care if I get better grades than them, they just see the street in me.”

 

Roy said nothing for a minute, dared to hug Jason a little tighter. “Jay-”

 

“I don’t have  _ any _ friends,” Jason said, and now he sounded exasperated, at the end of his rope.  _ Hopeless _ . “The closest I get is Dick, and he’s not around. Not  _ enough _ . He’s… he’s so  _ amazing _ and I wanna be able to make him proud, but it’s so  _ hard _ when we’re so  _ different _ and I can’t even ask him for help.” Jason bowed his head. “Anyone else I see, they’re  _ his _ friends.”

 

“Hey,” Roy broke in, “Jaybird,  _ I’m _ your friend. I know I’m Dick’s too- but I’m not having you over because you’re his little brother. You’re here because I like  _ you _ .” He straightened up, and Jason shifted, looking up at him.

 

“...Really?” It came out  _ meekly _ , and Roy couldn’t believe Jason could be  _ meek _ . But…

 

“Really,” Roy said, smiling at him. And god, it was  _ true _ . It wasn’t just because yeah, he was Dick’s family now, so Roy trusted him. Wasn’t even just because Jason was so good with Lian, could make Roy's day a hell of alot easier.

 

It was because when Jason smiled,  _ Roy smiled _ . When Jason laughed, Roy felt  _ good _ . When this kid was sad, Roy wanted to  _ be there _ . Wanted to make him smile and study the laughter lines around his eyes, press his finger tip to each freckle on his cheeks and count them, until Jason was breathless with giggles.

 

Wanted this kid to  _ see _ his potential and know that no one could keep him from it.

 

Jason smiled at that, got his arms around Lian, and out of reflex, pulled her closer. “Thanks,” he said, and the  _ way _ he looked at Roy, like there was no one else in this damn  _ world _ , beyond this room. Like Roy was  _ it _ , the end all be all of the damn universe, the absolute certainty in Jason’s life-

 

He wasn’t sure  _ what _ he was feeling, over that. All he could do was give Jason an honest-to-god smile, and turn to go back to his project.

 

*

 

“C’mon Lian, you  _ like _ bananas,” Jason said, trying to get the toddler to take the tiny piece of fruit on his finger tip. She looked at it skeptically, and Jason sighed, popping his finger into his mouth. “See? S’good,” he said, as he chewed, swallowed the tiny bit, before carefully pinching another piece between his fingertips, offering it to Lian.

 

This time Lian took it, chewing it between her gums. The moment she swallowed she was reaching for the fruit, lying on the table against its peel, trying to grab for more. Jason laughed, pinching her off another piece, as he heard Roy banging around in her nursery.

 

“Sounds like your daddy is makin’ a mess,” Jason reasoned, as Lian ate happily. He’d pushed most of his books away at this point- the only thing left out was his  _ math _ , which he was avoiding. “Hopefully your crib is still in one piece and all.”

 

Lian giggled, and Jason gave her another piece, before Roy finally emerged. He had tugged his hair back into a ponytail over the course of the evening, and there were strands falling out around his face.

 

“Alright, that room is now baby proof. Possibly  _ Roy proof _ too,” he added, and Jason laughed.

 

“Is that even that hard?” he asked, and Roy mocked offense, pressing a hand to his chest.

 

“Y’know I’m  _ nice _ to you, and this is what I get?” He waved Jason off, dramatically dropping down into a chair next to him and reaching for Lian, lifting her up and letting her stare down at him. “Did you  _ hear _ him, princess? He’s being mean to your daddy.”

 

Jason kept laughing, rested his chin against his palm and watched as Roy kissed Lian’s cheeks, her nose- got her laughing when he blew a raspberry against one of her chunky legs. It was hard to believe that this was the same, clueless guy from two months ago- who’d had his daughter thrust into his life and didn’t know  _ what _ to do about it.

 

Roy was a good dad, Jason was sure of that. Not perfect, but no one was. But he  _ loved _ Lian, and he tried so damn hard, to give her everything she could want. Jason knew he was  _ different _ from the first Roy he’d met, the recovering junkie who could still  _ party _ . Who shouldn’t have been shocked about Jason’s fake ID when he knew Roy had had one at his age, too.

 

Roy hadn’t gone out a single damn night for  _ fun _ since Lian came into his life. There were those few times he went out for work, and Jason came over for the night, but that was it. Jason was pretty sure the bottle of Jack locked tightly away was still the same one Roy had had, when he first brought Lian home. That it hadn’t been touched, these two months.

 

And, as much as Jason had fallen for Roy when he’d been a little  _ bad _ , he was falling so much  _ harder _ seeing how good he could be.

 

He must have been staring, because when he came back from his thoughts, Roy was looking at him. Jason blushed, instantly looked away, expected Roy to call him out on it. Hoped for a joke-

 

“Your freckles disappear when you smile,” Roy said, instead. Jason looked back at him, didn’t even know what to say to that- rubbed at one of his arms nervously. Did Roy  _ notice _ the things about his face, like that?

 

Jason had spent time trying to  _ covertly _ count Roy’s freckles- and ultimately, failing. He wondered… could Roy ever do the same? To  _ him _ ?

 

The idea made his heart pound so painfully there was a moment he thought he might be  _ dying _ .

 

“And when you smile,” Roy added, “they disappear against your eyelashes.”

 

“You spend a lotta time lookin’ at my face,” Jason said, felt the waver in his voice. Roy laughed at that.

 

“Spend a lot of time with you now, kid. You notice things- I know you notice a  _ lot _ about people. Best thing about you though, is when you smile, you get these lines around your eyes.” Jason said nothing, felt his lips tugging, and Roy grinned. “Just like that.”

 

Roy stood up then, held Lian to his chest and leaned down, kissed Jason’s hair affectionately. Jason felt his heart in his throat, gripped at his jeans until his nails scratched against the texture of the denim- swore he’d claw right through them.

 

“Wanna help me with Lian’s bath?” Roy asked, like he couldn’t see what that did to Jason, inside. Which, Jason was sure he couldn’t, and maybe that was a good thing-

 

Except he  _ noticed Jason’s freckles _ . Except he looked at his  _ face _ and found things he liked and-

 

“You know how she fusses,” Roy added, “and she’s  _ always _ better with you. Swear maybe she’s meant to be your daughter.” He laughed, and Jason licked his lips, nodded and gave a quiet  _ sure _ . Roy smiled, headed off towards the bathroom-

 

And Jason tipped his head back, staring up at the ceiling. Wondered what it’d be like, if  _ this _ was family. If Lian could ever be his, too. If he and Roy-

 

He was crazy,  _ insane _ . He had to know that. Roy wasn’t- Roy wasn’t  _ looking _ for a kid and Jason knew that, had to know it. But sometimes it was easy to forget- sometimes he could just  _ ignore _ his own age, because he felt like he’d lived through lifetimes, by now.

 

But maybe… maybe at least in his  _ mind _ , it was alright to think of this as what he could want. In a fantasy, what he could have.

 

Roy smiling at him,  _ noticing him _ . Lian loving him, just because he was  _ him _ .

 

Family, where maybe he didn’t have to  _ earn anything _ .

 

*

 

Roy tapped Jason’s pencil on the book, as the kid stood at the stove, shifting the pan about. Whatever he was cooking smelled so good it was  _ distracting _ Roy from Jason’s homework, that he was trying to walk him through.

 

It was late, as it was. They’d put off dinner until after Lian’s bath, and she’d been tucked into her crib. As it was now, the apartment was quiet, except for the sounds in the kitchen.

 

“I dunno if I  _ get _ it,” Jason said, without looking back at Roy. Roy set the pencil down, raked his hands back through his hair, which he’d let down.

 

“That’s because you’re not looking,” Roy chided, but kindly. “I said we should wait until  _ after _ dinner. Which, by the way, you didn’t have to cook.”

 

Jason shrugged a shoulder, moved the pan to a cool burner and shut the stove off. He turned, walked over to Roy, leaning over the table and looking at the example problem.

 

“Here,” Roy said, pushing the pencil towards him. “Sit down and give one a shot, while dinner cooks.”

 

Jason hesitated, and a moment later, instead of sitting in the chair next to Roy, he plopped right down in his lap, picking up the pencil and tapping it against Roy’s arm. Roy had a moment of pure  _ shock _ , before he realized Jason was speaking.

 

“If I didn’t cook we’d be eating a pizza or somethin’, and you do that enough.” Jason shifted, seemed completely  _ comfortable _ \- and out of reflex, Roy got his arm around his waist, helped to hold him steady. He leaned forward, pressed his forehead against Jason’s shoulder blade-

 

And god, he was  _ warm _ . Solid in a way that reminded Roy there was so much  _ power _ in him, even if he was still shorter than Roy, than most of the Titans. He could feel the muscles in Jason’s thighs flex, he’d  _ seen _ them flex in his shorts-

 

And when he inhaled, Jason smelled so good that Roy swore his mind was evaporating into utter  _ nothing _ .

 

“Still don’t get it,” Jason said, dropping his pencil. “Maybe you were right and I needed to  _ watch _ you solve it.”

 

Roy lifted his head, bit at his cheek to snap himself back to reality. “After dinner,” he managed, as he unhooked his arm. “Now get off me before you crush me. You’re not  _ tiny _ .” He managed to make it sound like a joke, and Jason’s scoff made him think Jason  _ believed _ it.

 

In reality, Roy’s heart was hammering, and that wasn’t okay.

 

“I’m gonna check on Lian,” Roy said, as Jason headed back for the stove. He stood up, made his way out of the kitchen and through the apartment, slipping into Lian’s room and tugging the door shut behind him. The moment it clicked shut, Roy leaned back against it, scrubbed his hands up over his face.

 

That was  _ not _ okay, whatever that moment was. Whatever he thought he’d felt, for a second, with Jason so close. That flip in his chest-

 

He groaned, pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, until he saw sparks behind his closed lids. Jason was… Jason was a  _ kid _ and he  _ knew _ that, and it was  _ fine _ to be affectionate, to care about him- dammit, he  _ did _ . He just wanted him to be safe, to be  _ happy _ .

 

But… but  _ that _ … it was something else, something Roy couldn’t  _ believe _ . Something he couldn’t  _ allow _ .

 

He let his arms fall down to his sides, pushed off the door and headed over to Lian’s crib. She was sound asleep, on her back. He leaned against the crib, reached down and brushed his fingertips against her hair. Took solace in seeing the serenity in her face, when she slept.

 

That was how he had to look at Jason. The same way.  _ That was the only way he could look at Jason _ .

 

Roy hated himself, in his gut, that he had to say that. But Jason didn’t  _ feel _ like… like he was any different from Roy. He’d seen too much, he’d  _ lived _ through too much- felt ageless-

 

He wasn’t. Roy knew he wasn’t. And he’d be  _ damned _ before he ever forgot that.

 

*

 

Jason tightened his hold on his bag, as he boarded the subway. A quick look at the map had told him the best route to take, to get to Roy’s apartment.

 

He wasn’t used to doing this, on his own. Normally Dick gave him a ride- but Dick was  _ busy _ , and Jason was supposed to be  _ grounded _ , as it was. Bruce had benched him for the rest of the week, had told him he wasn’t to leave the Manor except for school.

 

Jason had gone to school, like usual. He’d lied that morning, told Alfred he was staying after to work on his math homework with his teacher- and god, he  _ hated _ lying to Alfred, but he didn’t feel like he had a choice. And the moment school had ended, he’d gotten on a bus. Chained them all afternoon, to get to the city.

 

It was dark now. Chilly outside. And while the subway was a little unsettling, Jason would take all of that for a little escape. He just couldn’t go back to the Manor, not with the way Bruce would stare at him, wouldn’t  _ talk _ to him. At least, wouldn’t listen. He’d lecture and then that was  _ it _ .

 

God forbid Jason got a word in. Ever.

 

Jason adjusted his bag again. He just wanted to see Roy. He wanted someone to notice something good about him, for just a minute. And he wanted to see Lian- to snuggle her, smell the baby shampoo scent that clung to her hair. He felt  _ good _ with them. Better than he was sure he ever had.

 

He let himself get lost in those thoughts, as the subway rattled through the tunnels. Let himself get lost in how good it felt to even  _ think _ about Roy and Lian.

 

When he climbed off the subway, heading up top, it was definitely  _ dark _ . He stuffed his hands into his pockets, walking with his head slightly down, through the streets. He had a mental map of the city. Had made a point to look it up, before leaving- so he’d know where he was going. Wasn’t hard to remember, was just like learning pipe and duct work in various buildings in Gotham, so he wouldn’t get lost, when breaking in.

 

He had paused at a corner to read the street signs, thinking back to the map he was visualizing in his head, when he  _ heard _ it. Voices in a low commanding cadence that was  _ never _ a very good sign, in his life. He lifted his head, listening- before he was turning, heading around the corner, his steps quick, towards the opening of an alleyway.

 

What he found, inside, were two rather  _ large _ men, crowding around a woman who had backed herself into a corner. She was glaring at them- and Jason gave her credit for that, she looked like she might be ready to smack one of them with her purse, throw a decent shot to a jaw-

 

Still, he could read these guys. This wasn’t their first-  _ whatever _ . Jason wasn’t sure if they planned to mug her or do  _ worse _ , and he didn’t plan on waiting to let them show him. He dropped his backpack at the start of the alley, rolling his neck- before he  _ wordlessly _ ran forward, barreling right into one. Centering all the anger he had, in his chest, from his disagreements with Bruce, recently. From the fact that he felt like no one was  _ listening _ to him, when he spoke.

 

Channeled that into these two idiots, without a second thought.

 

*

 

Roy heard the knock at his door from where he sat on his couch, his laptop on his lap as he worked out the files for a new case. He frowned, glanced at the clock- he wasn’t  _ expecting _ anyone. He shoved his computer onto his coffee table and headed for the door, undoing the chain and the lock and pulling it open-

 

And finding Jason, standing at his door. Jason, was a busted lip and an eye that looked like it would  _ definitely _ bruise within the next few hours.

 

“Jesus kid,” Roy said, gawking for a moment before he stepped aside, let Jason in. “What the hell  _ happened _ ?”

 

“Nothin’,” Jason said, wiping at his mouth. There was a splotch of dried blood, on his hoodie sleeve. He’d probably wiped his mouth a few times.

 

“This isn’t  _ nothing _ ,” Roy said, getting his hands on Jason’s shoulders and bending down. “Are you hurt? More than this?”

 

Jason shook his head. “It’s not serious,” he said, and Roy nodded, kept his hands firm on Jason’s shoulders.

 

“Still… can I take a look? Clean you up a bit.” Jason nodded, took his backpack off and dropped it on the floor by the couch, as he followed Roy through the apartment, towards the bathroom. Roy flicked the light on, and Jason sat down on the toilet seat, folding his arms as Roy dug out his first aid kit. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

 

“Do I have to?” Jason asked, not looking at Roy. Roy frowned- this wasn’t his usual Jason. Usually, even if the kid was in a piss-poor mood, there was a smile for Roy.

 

“I’d like you to,” Roy said, opening the kit and grabbing a piece of gauze. He poured a little peroxide on it, brushed Jason’s hair away from his eye and dabbed at a few small abrasions around it. Jason winced.

 

“Saw two guys cornering a lady,” he said, fingers playing at the ends of his hoodie sleeves. “And I couldn’t just  _ walk away _ , even if I didn’t have my suit. I might’ve been a little careless.” Roy pulled away, tossed the gauze in the trash, went to get another piece.

 

“And what were you doing in the city?” Roy asked. Jason slumped forward a little.

 

“Needed to get away. I… I wanted to see you.” He didn’t look up, when Roy turned to stare down at him. Jason was letting his hair flop into his face, trying to hide behind those messy curls.

 

“Jason…” Roy said, quietly. When he didn’t look up, Roy moved around it, crouched down so he could look up at him. “What happened?”

 

“ _ Bruce happened _ ,” he said, showing the points of his teeth. “He benched me for the week,  _ grounded me _ . Thinks I’m outta control. He wants to take me off the streets completely, I think. He can’t  _ do _ that, Roy. I gotta be there. I’m  _ helping _ .” Jason shook his head, his shoulders shaking a little. “He’s not  _ listenin’ _ when I talk to him. He’s not  _ seeing _ that what I’m doin’ makes sense. Sometimes… sometimes people have to  _ hurt _ a little.”

 

Roy reached up, rubbed one of Jason’s knees, watched his shoulders shake again.

 

“He doesn’t listen. No one does. The only person who ever hears me is… you.” Jason glanced up then, and Roy saw so much agony, in those eyes. He wasn’t even hiding it. “I just… I wanted to see you.”

 

Roy sighed, softly, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Jason. He gave him a firm squeeze, dared to stroke a hand over his hair, as Jason clung to his tshirt. “Okay,” Roy said. “Okay. You’re here now, Jay. It’s alright.” He stroked his hair again, before he pulled back a little. “How about you let me clean up that lip, get you a new tshirt, and we’ll clear this up.” He looked down at Jason’s open hoodie- and his tshirt had a bit of blood sprayed on it too, dirt shoved into it.

 

Jason nodded, and Roy stood up, grabbed the gauze he had been pulling from his first aid kit before, and got Jason’s chin in his hands. He tilted his face up, carefully dabbing at his lips, cleaning the blood off so he could see the cut clearly. It wasn’t bad- just a split. It’d heal on its own.

 

He tossed the gauze away, let Jason for a minute and headed to his bedroom. He dug his phone out of his pocket without turning his light on, headed for his dresser as he clicked on Dick’s name. It rang a few times, before the voicemail picked up.

 

“Dick, it’s Roy,” he said, tugging a drawer open. “Look, Jason showed up at my apartment. I don’t know exactly what happened between him and Bruce, but he’d not happy. I just… I want someone to know where he is. Fight or not, I bet Bruce is worried. If you can just… let him know the kid is safe. I’ll make sure he gets back to Gotham in the morning. I think a night away might be good for him.”

 

He ended the call, shoved his phone back into his pocket, and grabbed one of his tshirts. He left his room, headed back to the bathroom, found Jason had stood up, stripped of his hoodie and left it thrown across the toilet lid. He was looking at himself in the mirror, tilting his head to examine his split lip.

 

“Put this on,” Roy said, from the doorway. He held his tshirt out, and Jason turned, walked over and took it. Roy left him as he was peeling off his own, heading back for the living room. He dropped down on the couch, pulled his phone out and tossed it onto the coffee table. Wondering if he’d get a frantic call from Dick, or if he’d just  _ trust _ Roy and not need to check in.

 

He glanced up, when he finally heard Jason shuffling into the room. Roy’s tshirt was too big on him, a little long- made him look smaller than Roy knew he was. He stood awkwardly, staring at the couch, at the space next to Roy- until Roy lifted his arm, stretched it out across the back of the couch.

 

“C’mere,” he said, rather softly, and Jason walked over- tentative. He settled onto the couch, averting his eyes from Roy’s.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, knitting his hands together in his lap. “I… I probably shouldn’t have just shown up like that. I just… I didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t  _ wanna _ go anywhere else.” He shifted, tried to slide a little closer. “No one else listens to me, Roy. No one else  _ sees _ me, anymore. Just… you.”

 

He looked up, and there was something in Jason’s eyes- something Roy swore he had seen, that he had been trying to convince himself he  _ wasn’t _ seeing. Something that made his entire body feel like it was at war, with his mind. Like his common  _ sense _ was at war with this affection, bottled up in his gut.

 

“You actually look at me,” Jason whispered, “You act like you see all these different parts of me. Parts no one  _ bothers _ with anymore. They used to- I used to be  _ happy  _ with B. Used to live for every time he told me he was proud. Hell… I remember bein’ sick one night, and Alf told me I couldn’t go on Patrol… and B, he sat right down on the couch with me, full suit, and stayed until I just passed out on his shoulder. He doesn’t… I bet he doesn’t even  _ remember _ . But that… it meant the world to me. He saw past the damn  _ boy wonder _ and saw…” Jason trailed off, and Roy could fill it in, in his head.

 

_ He saw a kid _ . A kid who needed comfort. A kid who needed someone to protect him.

 

“I’m happy with you. With Lian. Like I… never wanna leave.” Jason bit at his lip, and Roy saw so much truth in his eyes, so much raw honesty.

 

And he knew, in his chest, in the pit of his gut, what was coming. Yes he couldn’t bring himself to even  _ breathe _ .

 

Jason lifted up, onto his knees, shifted one leg over Roy’s lap, until he settled on him. He reached out, placed his hands flat on Roy’s chest, staring up at him. Roy was  _ sure _ Jason had to feel his heart hammering, in his chest.

 

“I want this,” he said, his voice wavering. “You, Lian. What this could be. I don’t wanna  _ leave _ , ever. I… I look at you and I see so  _ much _ . I see the world.”

 

“Jason,” Roy whispered, voice a little hoarse. Jason stared at him, those eyes gorgeous, baring his soul right through them. Ready for Roy to sink his fingers into it, test the very essence that made Jason Todd  _ who he was _ \- that held the potential for all he could become.

 

“Even when you say my name,” Jason said, his voice utterly cracking, “Roy, please.  _ Please _ . I can be anything you want. Just… don’t ever stop looking at me, like you do. Just love me…”

 

Jason bowed his head, and Roy got an arm around his waist, held him steady as the other reached up, stroked over his cheeks. Up along those dots of freckles, by the corners of his eyes even. Jason turned, nuzzled into his palm, and Roy felt his body cracking in two, his ribs splitting and his belly  _ tearing _ .

 

“Jay, you have to… listen to me.” Roy swallowed, felt the heat of Jason’s lips, against his wrist. “This… it  _ can’t _ happen.”

 

“Why?” Jason whispered, looking back- up, through those thick lashes. “Why  _ not _ ? I  _ love _ you. That’s what this has to be. It makes me feel  _ stupid _ and happy at the same time. I just… I always wanna be around you. I smile  _ because _ you smile.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what it is, it can’t happen.” Roy pulled his hand back- and god, it was one of the hardest things he’d done, breaking the contact with Jason’s warm cheek. “You’re a  _ kid _ . I’m an adult. It’s not right.”

 

“I’m not a  _ kid _ ,” Jason said, frowning. “You know that. You  _ know _ .”

 

“You  _ are _ . Jason you’re  _ fifteen _ . I’m six years older than you- Christ, Jay, just think about it. Were this  _ anyone _ else, you’d be mortified.” Jason said nothing, sucked on his tongue for a minute.

 

“But it’s not anyone else. It’s you. It’s me. And we just… we’re  _ good _ , Roy. Can’t you feel it? Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t  _ want _ this?”

 

Roy bit his cheek, let the pain sharpen his mind, focus him. Because it didn’t  _ matter _ what he felt about Jason, didn’t matter what a part of him wished this was possible- because it simply  _ wasn’t _ , and he wouldn’t do that. Wouldn’t take so much from Jason. Wouldn’t be something he despised.

 

“I’m not what you need,” Roy said, and Jason reached out, shoved at his shoulders.

 

“How the  _ hell _ do you know what I need?” His voice had gotten louder, and there was a fire in his eyes. Anger. The beginning of understanding- the knowledge that this was rejection, at its very core. And Roy knew,  _ knew _ , that rejection was the last thing Jason ever needed.

 

Except in this case. It was what he  _ had to have _ .

 

“You need to grow up,” Roy said, “You need to have the  _ chance _ to. Jason… you can’t do that, with me. You’re a kid, you don’t need to try and help me raise a kid. And even if that  _ wasn’t _ a factor- you can’t understand all of this, right now. You just… you’ve gotta live a little, Jay. You’re a  _ kid _ .” Roy felt like he couldn’t say it enough. Like if he repeated it until his tongue was numb, maybe Jason would believe it.

 

“I’m not a  _ normal _ kid,” Jason countered- and god, it was true. It was painful, how true that was. How much Jason had seen, how much he had  _ done _ , the world he lived in now-

 

“But you deserve to be.” Roy reached out again, brushed a few stray curls off of Jason’s forehead. “God Jason, you  _ deserve _ to be normal. You deserve to worry about school and asking some kid to a dance. Not about saving the damn world, or how you’re going to raise a baby. You deserve to be fifteen.”

 

Jason’s eyes broke, then. Roy swore he saw thousands of shards, millions of cracks- swore he saw into the very pit of him. There was so much hurt, there. And Roy was  _ causing _ it.

 

Roy had to keep telling himself, over and over again, that it was what Jason  _ needed _ . That this hurt, it was better than all he’d get, if Roy gave him what he wanted.

 

“Won’t you just kiss me,” Jason said, “and tell me that’s not what  _ you _ need?”

 

Roy felt his breath catch, in his throat. He fought to keep his face stoic, prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that Jason couldn’t feel the way his heart was hammering. Because… because a part of him  _ wanted _ to kiss Jason. A part of him- no,  _ all _ of him, loved this kid, into a sort of oblivion that Roy hadn’t known existed. But it was that, it was  _ love _ for him, that let him answer the question without a hitch in his voice.

 

“No.” He held Jason’s stare, tried to not notice the fact that his lip quivered. “I can’t kiss you, Jason. I won’t.”

 

“ _ Why not _ ?” Jason’s voice was wrecked, was cracking and desperate, like he had put his everything into his.

 

Roy didn’t doubt he had, he was.

 

“Because it’s not  _ right _ ,” Roy said. Didn’t add that if he kissed Jason, if he gave himself even a moment of weakness, he wouldn’t want to stop. And he’d hate himself, for the rest of his life- for taking childhood from this kid.

 

Enough people had denied that to Jason. Roy wouldn’t be one of them.

 

Jason pulled back then, looked away from Roy- pointedly towards the door. Roy frowned, kept his arm tight around his waist, kept him steady so he couldn’t topple back, off the couch.

 

“Jason,” Roy said, clearer now. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want things to change. You’re my  _ friend _ . I want you to stay that way. You’re still… you’re always welcome here. I still care about you, I still want to see you… but I want to see you  _ grow up _ . We can’t be more than what we already were. I’m sorry.”

 

Jason bowed his head, his shoulders shaking a little- and Roy couldn’t fathom the ache, in the kid’s chest. Everyone else was letting him down, and in that moment, Roy was too. Even if Roy knew in the long run, this was what Jason needed. This was what was  _ right _ .

 

He’d done enough shit in his life, fucked up enough. And he swore, silently, to himself, there were two people he would  _ always _ do right by. Lian-

 

And Jason.

 

“Can you,” Jason whispered, pausing, sniffling- and Roy didn’t need to see his eyes, to know he was crying. “Can you at least hold me?”

 

Roy carefully wrapped both his arms around Jason, guiding him so he was leaning against him, cheek pressed to Roy’s chest. Roy squeezed him, and felt Jason shudder completely- felt the tremors like when Jason had cried in his arms, in his kitchen.

 

He swore he’d always be there, if Jason needed to cry. Needed to let go. That, he could give him. That he could  _ always _ give him.

 

“I know it hurts,” Roy whispered, one hand reaching up, stroking Jason’s hair. “I know Jay. But it’s… it’s better. I promise. Years down the road you’re going to laugh over this crush. You’re going to wonder what you  _ saw _ in me.” Jason shook his head, didn’t utter a word. “You will. Trust me. And you’ll be happy, that I told you no. I promise you. There’s better things out there. And you’re gonna get to experience them.”

 

“Maybe I don’t wanna,” Jason mumbled.

 

“You say that now. Maybe you’ll say it tomorrow. But eventually, you’ll be happy. You’ll understand why we can’t do this. And I’ll still be here, when you do.” Jason lifted his head, slightly, glanced up at Roy. And Roy smiled, as much as it hurt. “You’ll laugh, and I’ll see those pretty laughter lines right around your eyes.”

 

Roy slipped one hand from Jason’s hair to his cheek, silently wiped a trail of tears away. Jason glanced at his hand, then back at his face. “Promise you’ll be there?” he whispered, and Roy nodded.

 

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Roy said, his voice nearly cracking,  _ nearly _ . “I’ll see you in the future, when we’re older. And you’ll be  _ happy _ , Jason. You’ll see. You’ll be happy.”

 

Jason lowered his head down, and Roy bent, dared to kiss the top of his head. He kept his arms around him, protectively, and hoped for just one night, he could keep Jason safe from the world. Could give him a future that he  _ deserved _ . And he believed, even as Jason’s breaths came a little ragged, as his tears soaked into Roy’s tshirt- believed that Jason would be happy, when all was said and done.

  
Because he’d get to  _ be a kid _ , he’d get to grow up- and he’d get to understand, one day, why Roy couldn’t let himself love him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! (I mean, is it so happy with _this_ chapter?)
> 
> Since I've finished writing this fic, I've decided on Sunday/Tuesday updates- because I'm waaaay too impatient to only post once a week and see it drag out that long.

Roy never thought Jason wouldn’t actually get the chance to grow up.

 

He was home- god, where else would he be?- when he got the call. He hadn’t heard from Jason in weeks, and he had assumed the kid was taking the space he needed. He didn’t want to intrude, didn’t want to smother Jason- and if Jason had to be away from Roy for a while to be okay, to deal with the fact that Roy had ultimately  _ rejected _ him, Roy understood.

 

Sure, he’d sent him a few texts, had thought it was strange he didn’t hear  _ anything _ back at all, but he never imagined it was because Jason was  _ gone _ .

 

The call had been from  _ Donna _ . Because Dick was in no shape to even  _ speak _ . Was going from lapses of heavy silence to  _ fits _ , and it was a miracle she could even step away for the few minutes it took to call Roy and to tell him that Jason was dead.

 

That the kid who had confessed his love to him just a few weeks before, that Roy had planned to see grow up, that he had hoped would remain one of his best friends- had died. Had died and had a funeral and  _ he had no idea _ .

 

Roy stood in the dark of his kitchen, his phone left on the counter. He’d been standing there for ten minutes, just… staring. At nothing. Trying to  _ understand _ how Jason was gone-

 

He was  _ just there _ , Roy swore. Just there, with his busted lip and those gorgeous eyes. Was just there making Roy’s heart stop.

 

And now he was…  _ gone _ …

 

Roy swallowed thickly. He should call Dick. He should check in on him. Be the  _ friend _ Dick needed- after all, Dick had been there for him. He’d seen him with a damn needle in his arm and hadn’t left. He’d shown up to help with Lian- if it wasn’t for Dick, there wouldn’t have  _ been _ Jason-

 

But Roy couldn’t. He looked at his phone before turning and leaving the kitchen, heading for the living room. He dropped down on the couch, didn’t bother turning a light on. It was dark, overcast outside- and all the windows were in the bedrooms, so Roy could have  _ believed _ it was night, if he tried hard enough.

 

He tipped his head back, closed his eyes. Could hear Jason, if he thought about it. Could hear his laugh and the way he spoke to Lian. Could hear him reading outloud to himself, not even realizing he was saying the words. Roy had stopped to listen, a few times- heard Jason speaking beneath his breath in German, while he read from one of the books Alfred had bought him.

 

Could hear him  _ pleading _ with Roy to just  _ love _ him. And if he’d only known how much Roy  _ did _ .

 

Roy reached up, scrubbed his hands over his face, paused to press the heels of his hands into his eyes, until he was seeing sparks against the black velvet of his eyelids. His chest ached, felt like it was trying to invert- his entire insides were cramping, caving in. He took a breath and choked on it, and swore he  _ wouldn’t _ do this. He wouldn’t  _ break _ .

 

It was Lian, that gave him the distraction he needed. The sound of her little whines over the monitor as she woke up from her nap. Roy let his hands fall to his sides, took a minute to retake his breath- and when it rushed into his lungs, he forced himself up from the couch, heading towards her room. He pushed her door open, didn’t flick on the light, and headed for her crib. He glanced down, and she was awake, scrunching her face in discomfort.

 

“What’s wrong princess?” Roy asked, bending over to scoop her up into his arms. He got her up against his shoulder where she liked to be. “You’re awake early.” She whined, buried her little face against his shoulder, and he rubbed her back. “Not feeling so good?”

 

Of course she wouldn’t  _ answer _ , but Roy had taken to having full conversations with Lian. After all, who else was here to listen to him constantly? The only other person he saw enough to converse with beyond small talk was-

 

_ Had been _ Jason.

 

Roy gave Lian a little bounce, and she began to settle. He figured it was her teeth bugging her again, and headed for the door of her room, out to the kitchen for one of the iced teething rings he’d bought her. He managed to get the freezer open and get one out, shifting it around in his hand a bit so it wouldn’t be freezing when he gave it to her.

 

Back to the living room, and once he was on the couch he dropped it on his thigh, settled Lian so her back was against his belly, and handed her the toy. She took it, popping it in her mouth, made little cooing noises over the comfort of its chill on her aching gums. Roy smiled, a little brokenly, and stroked one hand back over her hair.

 

“Jason would’ve already known,” he said, “that it was your teeth. He would’ve been in that room with this toy the moment you woke up, I bet. He was just… so in tune with you.” Roy sighed, and Lian looked up at him, following the sound of his voice. “He would’ve made a good dad, someday. When he grew up.”

 

Lian squirmed, her little feet moving, and she reached one hand up, grabbing at the air. Roy offered his hand, and she grabbed a hold of his finger, tugged until he let his arm flop down, and she was simply holding on. His mouth twitched, trying to allow a bigger smile but failing.

 

“He loved you pumpkin,” he whispered, “He loved you, and you’ll never know him…”

 

And  _ that _ was a big part of what hurt. Roy was  _ angry _ about what was taken from Jason, yes- but he was angry for what his daughter was losing as well. She would’ve  _ adored _ Jason- she already did. She perked up for him like she had with no one else. Seemed soothed by the mere sound of his voice. She’d acted as if he had always been there, always been a part of her life.

 

And it wasn’t  _ fair _ that she’d never get to see him, to get to make a single  _ memory _ of him.

 

It wasn’t  _ fair _ that Roy was never going to get to see Lian laugh and say Jason’s  _ name _ and make him smile.

 

It wasn’t  _ fair _ that Jason didn’t get to grow up like Roy had promised, it wasn’t-

 

Roy’s thoughts broke off, and a choked sob came out of his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it didn’t seem to matter. The tears at the corners of his eyes slid down his cheeks, and his next breath shook so much he felt his lungs rattling. In his lap, Lian tossed her toy away, leaning back against him and trying to look up. When he opened his eyes, she was staring with the big, dark gaze.

 

Roy lifted her up, turned her around- pulled her close and hugged her tight. She squirmed until she could get a hold of his shirt, and he kissed the top of her head, her temple, showered her in them. Because he didn’t know what else to do- he didn’t have anyone else to cling to.

 

And he hurt. He hurt down in his bones and he simply wanted to disappear, for a minute, an hour, a damn week. Wanted to fade away and let it consume him, and come back fresh. Wanted to  _ grieve _ .

 

He didn’t know  _ how _ to, though. Didn’t feel like he could, because Lian  _ needed _ him. She needed him, even more than ever. Because the only other person she had seemed so attached to was  _ gone _ .

 

And god,  _ Roy needed her too _ .

 

*

 

Roy spent a week letting it all soak in, before he made the drive to Gotham.

 

It had been hard to make a connection- he had never made a point to just  _ call Bruce Wayne _ . He’d had to call Dick- had to say he was  _ sorry for his loss _ , and could hear the hollowness in Dick’s voice. He was  _ angry _ , Roy knew. Angry because no one had  _ told _ him, when Jason died. He’d found out on  _ accident _ .

 

Roy was fairly sure he would be walking into a warzone.

 

Roy wanted to see Jason- or, see his grave. He wanted to make peace and move on. At least Dick understood that. He’d needed the same thing- and, admittedly, had gone at it with Bruce  _ after _ . They weren’t talking  _ at all _ , but Dick said he would let Alfred know that Roy would be by. He’d probably be the only one there, anyway.

 

Roy pulled up to the manor, killing the engine and climbing out, leaning against his open door and just looking at it. He’d been there before, remembered a few times with Dick, running the halls when they definitely  _ shouldn’t _ have been. And it still felt surreal, like a damn castle.

 

He shut the door, turned and opened the back. Lian was tucked into her car seat, looking as alert as ever. Roy smiled at her, unbuckled her and lifted her up, cradled her as he headed for the door. He hit the doorbell and waited, feeling a little awkward-

 

But he  _ needed _ this.

 

The door opened, shortly after- and there was Alfred, almost exactly as Roy remembered him, from when he was younger. A few new lines to his face, a little thinner hair- but still the same man.

 

Except he looked immensely  _ tired _ , and those eyes were  _ sad _ to their core.

 

“Hello Mr. Harper,” Alfred said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut.

 

“Hey Alfred… long time no see.” Alfred gave a nod, and Roy shifted Lian a little, who was being shockingly  _ quiet _ for her. “I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”

 

Alfred gave a heavy sigh. “You may follow me.” Roy didn’t fault him for his lack of  _ charm _ , in that moment. Wondered, as he followed Alfred down the steps and around the hulking shape of the manor, how he was even functioning. Sure, Bruce had tried to step in, to be a father to Jason-

 

But Roy  _ knew _ what these boys meant to Alfred. Knew how much he had adored Dick. Couldn’t fathom he had had any less love for Jason.

 

They treaded through the grounds, pausing at the edge of the private cemetery. “He is easy to find,” Alfred said, looking at Roy, before glancing down at Lian. “And this is the young lady our Jason was so smitten with, I see.”

 

Roy smiled at that, giving Lian a little squeeze. “The one and only.”

 

“He spoke so much about her,” Alfred said, “wasn’t a moment that boy could keep his mouth shut about you and your daughter. I swear most dinner conversations were about the two of you.” Roy watched Alfred’s mouth tug into a smile. “The only way to get the boy off the topic was with a  _ book _ .”

 

“He told me you were buying him Shakespeare.”

 

“In any language I could get for him. His room is full of them. He would stay up all night reading them, when I brought them home. Master Bruce was not pleased about his lack of sleep, or that I would  _ encourage _ , as he would say, the behavior by giving young Jason coffee when I made it for Master Bruce. But I saw no harm- he was  _ happy _ when he read, and he so loved learning languages.” Alfred paused, and quietly, whispered, “he was a smart boy.”

 

Roy nodded. “...That he was.”

 

Alfred gave Lian another look, and then asked, “May I hold her? So that you may… say your goodbyes.” Roy nodded, handing Lian off to him. She looked up at him, reached for the lapel of his jacket and clutched it with one hand- giggled when he gave her a small smile. “Take your time,” Alfred said, not looking up- and there was a little light in his eyes, when he looked at Lian.

 

Like she was a bandage, for the gaping hole in his soul.

 

Roy nodded his thanks, turning away and heading up through the grass. He glanced along the headstones, but reading them wasn’t even necessary- there was only one fresh grave, among all these ghosts. Roy headed for it, pausing in front of the mound and staring at the headstone, reading it over and  _ over _ again, like it had to be wrong.

 

Jason’s name screamed at him, like it was painted in blood.

 

Roy shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, wasn’t sure if he should be speaking or thinking or just staring blankly at the stone. At the dirt. At everything that was now  _ Jason _ .

 

“I wished you’d talked to me,” Roy finally said. “About this. Wished you’d  _ called _ me, Jay. Dick said you… you were looking for your  _ mom _ . That the one who died, she’d adopted you.” It had all come out of Dick, in an emotionless voice- Roy assumed he had gotten the information from  _ Alfred _ , because he didn’t see Dick and Bruce having this conversation. Didn’t see them talking long enough for that. “I know… I know you probably didn’t want to see me for a while kid, but I would’ve  _ listened _ . I would’ve helped you. Gone halfway around the world with you, if you asked.”

 

Roy wanted to think it was true. He  _ wanted _ to think if Jason had called him, he would have dropped everything and bought a damn plane ticket. But he knew, in his gut, it was a lie. He would’ve told Jason it was crazy, that he had to stay- Lian needed him home, he didn’t want to leave her for that long. That Jason needed to  _ reason _ through what he was thinking.

 

And Roy didn’t think that was what Jason would’ve needed to hear. Not when he had a chance to redeem himself, in his own eyes. Find the second chance at a mother and  _ protect _ her-

 

What he’d  _ died _ doing, Roy knew.

 

“You had nothing to redeem,” he said, stepping around the fresh earth, getting closer to the stone. “ _ Dammit Jason _ , you had nothing to  _ prove _ . No one blamed you for your mom’s death- you spent your life trying to take  _ care _ of her when you could’ve left. You didn’t need a second chance, didn’t need to prove to any of us that you could protect the people you thought you needed to.” He pulled his hands free, curled them into fists. “We believed in you.  _ I believed in you _ !”

 

His voice rose, and Roy fell down to his knees, reaching a fist out and pounding it against the stone.

 

“ _ Dammit Jason _ you had nothing to prove!” Roy gritted his teeth, felt the tears in his eyes, squeezed them shut. Thought of what it must have been like, for Jason. Beaten and betrayed and  _ still _ refusing to leave the woman who had left him, once. Who had given him up to the Joker so  _ easily _ .

 

Thought of Jason throwing himself in front of her, even if it was in vain- thought of Jason  _ dying _ with smoke in his lungs, unable to breathe. Choking and fucking  _ alone _ because they had all failed him, when he needed them most.

 

No one had come for him. And Jason had died  _ alone _ .

 

Roy sobbed, felt the sounds choking in his throat. Couldn’t regulate his breaths and stopped bothering to care. “I wish I could’ve saved you,” he whispered, “we all do. We  _ love _ you, Jason.  _ I love you _ .” He confessed to the damn stone like Jason could hear him. Like Jason could rise from his grave over the words and find a reason to live again.

 

Like it mattered at all.

 

  
“I fucking love you, and I… I’m  _ sorry _ you ever loved me too.” Roy’s shoulders shuddered. “Sorry you loved me because I had to  _ hurt _ you, Jason. But god you deserved to be a kid. You  _ deserved _ that chance.”

 

And he wasn’t ever going to get it.

 

Roy choked, covered his mouth with his free hand, his sob echoing inside his own skull. If he had  _ known _ , would it have changed a damn thing? Would he have told Jason he  _ loved _ him, would he have given him hope- would he have  _ kissed _ him and held him like he  _ wanted _ to?

 

Roy knew he wouldn’t have. Roy knew nothing would change that- he would have always told Jason  _ no _ .

 

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ease the burning behind them. He pulled his fist from the grave, let his arm hand limply at his side. Let himself hurt in every crevice between his bones, because he had  _ lost _ .

 

Let himself hurt for everything Jason would never have.

 

He was slowly regaining his breath, when he heard footsteps, quietly, behind him. He lifted his head, looked over his shoulder- and it was Alfred.

 

“I do not mean to intrude,” Alfred offered, “But… it would have meant something to Master Jason if… if Lian was here.” The girl was still content in Alfred’s arms, but Roy nodded. He stood up, wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, before he took the few steps to Alfred, lifted his daughter back into his arms. He kissed her cheek, before he turned back to the grave, standing so she could see it.

 

“He loved you, Lian,” Roy said, his voice still wavering, cracking at the edges. “This is Jason, this is  _ our Jason _ , and he loved you like you were his  _ own _ .” He kissed her hair. “And I know you love him too. I know you won’t ever remember him… but we wouldn’t be where we are, without him.”

 

Roy paused, and then,

 

“We’re going to miss you, Jason. More than you’ll ever know.”

 

Lian squirmed, and Roy pressed his cheek to the top of her head, held her tightly and simply stared at the grave, hoping it would change, the name would be wrong- wishing for a miracle, so that Jason would come back to him.

 

*

 

“Master Bruce refuses to go in his room,” Alfred said, pushing at the heavy door. “He refuses to do anything other than run himself ragged at night. He could be in the city now, full suit, and it would not matter that it is daylight. He hasn’t  _ stopped _ since we lost Jason.” Alfred sighed. “I fear I’ll have a second grave to tend very soon, if things don’t change.”

 

“He’s grieving,” Roy said, looking at Jason’s room. “...Are you sure this is okay?” Alfred nodded.

 

“Please. I… I am having trouble entering it myself. And Master Dick was not here long enough to come in. I… I would appreciate it if you would just  _ move something _ so that I can finally disturb it.”

 

Roy nodded, stepping in, Lian up against his shoulder. The toddler was watching Alfred, who remained in the doorway. Jason’s room was shockingly  _ neat _ . There were books and notebooks scattered all over his desk, but the floor was free of clutter, the bookshelves in order.

 

Roy headed for the desk- and there was Jason’s math book. His notebook boasted scrawled numbers and problems- done  _ twice _ . Once, in a way that made sense to Jason, and then again in the way Roy had explained to him, how his teacher had wanted it. Both yielded the same answer.

 

Roy reached out, ran his hand over the notebook, had enough memories of Jason hunched over his kitchen or coffee table now to be able to see him, sitting up here after dinner, rushing to get it done before he donned his suit for the night. Getting up early to finish it and running to school on little sleep.

 

Because he was  _ that _ dedicated. Roy knew it didn’t matter what people thought they knew about Jason- most of them didn’t know the truth. Most of them didn’t know the real life he’d led, before Bruce. Didn’t know what he sacrificed, to keep their city  _ safe _ . How  _ hard _ he worked, to be everything the world wanted from him.

 

And they never would.

 

Roy turned away from the desk, heading towards Jason’s bed- and god, he  _ made _ it. What fifteen year old actually did that? He would have bet his damn arm that Alfred didn’t even have to tell him.

 

He set Lian down on it, at the center, where she flopped onto her tummy and tried to grab handfuls of the blanket. He sat on the edge, reaching for Jason’s nightstand- where a few already worn paperbacks sat. They were thin, and despite not being able to read them, Roy was sure he knew what they were.

 

Some of the plays Alfred had bought. Roy lifted one up, flipped through it- there were pages that were dog eared, and Roy wondered what Jason had been doing. Was he marking his favorite scenes? Were there words here he had trouble with? Was he looking for  _ differences _ ?

 

What he wouldn’t give, to be inside Jason’s head. What a wonderland it must have been.

 

“He really was amazing,” Roy said, glancing back towards the doorway, where Alfred was still hovering.

 

“That he was,” Alfred agreed, daring to take a step in. Roy turned back to the nightstand, set the play down- thought to pick up another, when he saw Jason’s phone, laying there.

 

“It was brought home with his belongings,” Alfred said, noticing Roy’s gaze, as he paused at the foot of the bed. “I… I brought it in here when I thought I would perhaps try to… dust, but all I could do was leave it where Master Jason always did and leave.”

 

Roy nodded, picking it up, pulling it off the charging cord. He almost felt  _ wrong _ , unlocking it- but a part of him was screaming it didn’t matter.

 

Jason would never get the chance to chide him about  _ privacy _ .

 

Roy froze, the moment he saw Jason’s background. Saw the kid’s smiling face, those freckles pushed up towards his lashes- the subtle lines around his eyes- and Lian, held in one arm, her back to his chest, looking up too. Plump, rosy cheeks, mid giggle- she was smiling just as hard as Jason.

 

Roy felt his hands shaking, and Alfred walked around the bed, glanced down- and paused himself.

 

“As I said,” he offered, “Master Jason loved your daughter very much.”

 

Roy nodded dumbly, simply kept staring at it. Jason looked so  _ happy _ . And Lian- god, that was the sort of smile she had only ever boasted in Roy and Jason’s arms.

 

Roy worried he’d never make his daughter smile the way Jason had.

 

There must have been something on his face, because Alfred reached out, gently pushed the hand holding the phone towards Roy’s chest. “Take it with you,” Alfred said, and Roy looked up, through the hair falling into his face.

 

“Alfred, I can’t-”

 

“I insist. It has no use to us. I… I have pictures of Jason. I know Master Bruce does as well. Take this, so you have something to show your daughter, one day.” Alfred looked at Lian, who had managed to push herself closer towards her father. “Make sure that she knows who Jason was. Do not let him be forgotten.”

 

Roy swallowed, looked back down at the phone. He dragged his thumb along the screen, along Jason’s cheek, before he nodded. “He won’t be,” he promised, closing his eyes, and for a brief moment, seeing an endless barrage of Jason, in his mind. Jason’s  _ smile _ , his laugh, those  _ eyes _ . Jason, happy. Jason, the way Roy would always remember him.

 

Beautiful and amazing and  _ endlessly laughing _ .

 

“Lian will know who he is,” Roy said, looking up at Alfred. “And I swear, I will  _ never _ forget him.”

 

Alfred nodded, reaching out to gently grip at Roy’s shoulder. “Something I hope none of us will ever do,” he said. “He was too wonderful to be forgotten.”

 

“That,” Roy said, feeling his throat closing again, as the screen went dark, locking again, “he was.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual reminder that Lian Harper is basically my favorite person on the planet.
> 
> Hope everyone is having a nice week!

Roy gripped the steering wheel of his car, speeding through the Gotham streets. He’d been driving like his damn skin was on fire all the way from the city. Couldn’t believe- couldn’t  _ fathom _ -

 

Wally’s voice was still in his head. Calling out of the blue, and Roy thought maybe it had just been an overdue  _ social _ call. Like it was time to get the crew back together for dinner or something-

 

Except he’d talked so damn  _ fast _ . And it should have been Dick, calling to tell Roy about the damn new ghost that Gotham was sporting. But Dick was  _ beside _ himself, was running on a damn week of almost no sleep and he had blacked out, barely made it into he and Wally’s place.

 

_ Jason _ . A name that Roy hadn’t heard someone  _ else _ say, outside his apartment, in a very long time. Gotham had a new friend, and Dick,  _ Bruce _ even, were convinced it was  _ Jason _ .

 

The dead son. The pariah. The guilt that rested on the family’s conscious.

 

Roy took a turn rather sharp, gritting his teeth. He glanced at the seat next to him, at the tracker that he had reprogrammed to follow one of Bruce’s signals. Dick said the  _ Bat _ had landed one on this guy’s jacket- and if he was Jason, he’d  _ know _ , Roy figured.

 

Unless he wanted to be found.

 

Roy gripped the wheel until his knuckles went white. Jason… Jason  _ couldn’t _ be alive. He’d stood at his grave, all those years ago. He’d seen the pain the family went through, the  _ hell _ Bruce became for a while, over losing him. He’d seen the apprehension in him to ever have another Robin- how Tim had to  _ take _ the role for himself, and give Bruce little choice in the matter.

 

Roy had  _ mourned _ Jason, and whoever the  _ hell _ thought they could just dig him up and wear his skin like a fucking  _ suit _ , well- he’d break every bone in their damn body for that. He’d made  _ peace _ with these demons, and he wouldn’t see them coming back, to terrorize his friend, and Dick’s family.

 

The tracker pinged, and Roy jerked the car to the side of the road. This part of Gotham was… unsavory, to say the least. Nothing but decrepit buildings used for pandering whatever wares you  _ didn’t _ want anyone to see with a fine light. Roy was sure there was a plethora of costume  _ freaks _ that liked to call these parts of the Narrows home, too.

 

He left the tracker in his car, pulled the rim of his hat down as he headed down the street. There was a chill in the air, one that made him want to shiver, beneath his jacket. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, focused more on  _ listening _ to the city around him.

 

He should have come in costume. Should have come in full gear, ready for a goddamned  _ war _ \- but, as impractical as it was, there was a part of Roy that hoped…

 

That hoped maybe Dick, maybe Bruce- they weren’t crazy. That somehow Jason could be  _ back _ , after four long years. Like maybe he could breathe again- and Roy would be damned before he raised an arrow or anything against the kid he remembered.

 

He looped around the streets, no real pattern to his steps. He was using himself as bait, and it could be  _ lethal _ , but Roy had enough faith in himself- and was just desperate enough to really believe in it.

 

He rounded a corner for the third time when he  _ heard _ it. The gentle scuff of boots, landing on the street. Roy paused, didn’t turn around but  _ knew _ just a few yards back, someone was there. Watching.

 

“Last I knew, the only  _ ginger _ the Bat had was Barbie, and you  _ definitely _ ain’t her.”

 

The voice was muffled, had an almost mechanical feel, had more gravel than Roy remembered- but none of that mattered. Because the moment he  _ heard _ it, he saw Jason in his mind, saw Jason hunched over his damn kitchen table with his math homework, talking to Roy about whatever the hell he had done in school that week.

 

It was such a blast from his memories that Roy was  _ dizzy _ .

 

He straightened up, turned around, kept his cap down, shadowing his face. Still, he got a good enough look- taller than he was, more  _ bulk _ , but not  _ that _ much more. But there was a hold to his shoulders, a cock to his hips- and somehow,  _ somehow _ -

 

Roy didn’t think Dick and Bruce were so crazy anymore.

 

“I was  _ hoping _ for the Bat himself. Go figure, always sending someone  _ else _ in to get dirty.”

 

Roy exhaled, tried to find his voice. Tried to remember how to make his tongue work. And when he lifted his head, enough that his face was visible, all he could manage was his name. “Jason.”

 

The man tensed, the hand at his hip relaxing, pulling away from the gun holster. He stood there, and despite the damn helmet he was wearing, Roy could  _ feel _ those eyes.

 

Eyes he had  _ missed _ .

 

“My god, you’re…. You’re  _ alive _ .” Roy took a step towards him. “After all these  _ years _ -” Roy froze, after another step, when that hand moved  _ quick _ , unholstered one of Jason’s guns and had it pointed right at Roy. Roy pulled his hands from his pockets, letting his arms relax, turning them palm out- trying to show he had nothing to  _ hide _ .

 

“Not another step.”

 

“Jason, it’s  _ me _ . Do you remember-”

 

“ _ Or another word _ .”

 

Roy clamped his mouth shut, felt his pulse pounding in his temples. Jason took a step towards him, kept his gun raised.

 

“So, good old goldie called in reinforcements, huh? Couldn’t handle a little  _ family drama _ , could he? I know Bats didn’t do this, we all know he’s too damn  _ stubborn _ . Should I expect the rest of the  _ Justice Minor League _ too?”

 

Roy swallowed, as Jason continued to ease in, until the muzzle of the gun pressed right to his forehead, beneath the rim of his cap. The cold metal felt like a bite.

 

“Dick didn’t call me. He’s run himself ragged with  _ exhaustion _ . What are you  _ doing _ , Jason?”

 

“Making a fucking  _ point _ .” The gun pressed tighter, and Jason reached for Roy’s cap, ripped it off and tossed it aside. The moment he did, that hand froze, as he got a good look at Roy’s face, those eyes- things Roy hoped he  _ remembered _ .

 

“About what? What are you trying to accomplish? Jason-”

 

“Stop. Saying. That.  _ Name _ .” Jason pulled back, backhanded Roy with the butt of his gun. Roy’s head jerked, and he stumbled back a single step, reaching up to rub his jaw. It stung from even the impact of his fingers alone. He looked back up at Jason, who had the gun aimed at him again. “I don’t know why you’re here  _ Harper _ , but get the  _ fuck _ out of this city before it goes up in smoke. Like  _ I _ did.”

 

Roy cringed at that, his chest seizing up in agony. Flooded nightmares of Jason rushed his mind, things that had woken him up with a scream in his throat, years ago. He used to dream about Jason dying, on his worst nights.

 

“I just want to help!” Roy said, balling his hands into fists. “Dammit, kid, listen to me!”

 

Jason inclined his head, before the  _ bang _ from the gun was  _ deafening _ . The bullet hit the pavement, not two inches from Roy.

 

“Don’t call me  _ kid _ . Kids  _ die _ . I’m not dead.” He lifted the gun slightly. “And I don’t  _ miss _ . Consider that mercy.”

 

Roy gritted his teeth, knew he had to get the gun out of Jason’s hand. Needed to get him to  _ talk _ . And god, he didn’t want to hurt him-

 

But sometimes, it took a little blood to come to your damn senses.

 

He ran at Jason, was quick enough to get a hold of his wrist and squeeze, jerking his arm up. The pressure had Jason’s hand relaxing, and Roy knocked the gun from his hand, letting it clatter to the pavement. He shoved Jason, turning him so that he stumbled into the old brick building along the street, Roy pressing up tight behind him, pinning him to it.

 

“You’re out of your mind,” he said, “Jason, I just want to  _ talk _ to you.”

 

“No one  _ talks _ anymore, Harper.” Jason lifted his head, turning, his helmet pressed to the wall. “And talking doesn’t do  _ shit _ .” He jerked, and Roy nearly lost his balance and Jason shoved back against him. He let go of the man, and Jason turned, punched him right in the jaw and had Roy seeing sparks. Roy worked through the pain, charged him again, but Jason grabbed him at the last second, shoved him down to the ground-

 

And the kid had been  _ good _ , back in the day- but  _ this _ ? God, what  _ was _ this?

 

Jason crouched behind him, jerking his arm back and holding Roy steady. “This is your last-” his words cut off when Roy jerked back, let all of his weight push against Jason, forcing him to fall onto his back. Roy sprawled on top of him, took only a single breath before he was turning, pushing up to straddle Jason and grab his wrists, pinning them against the cold pavement.

 

“ _ I talk _ ,” Roy said, “Dammit, Jason, I’m not here because of Dick or the  _ League _ or even fucking  _ Batman _ . I’m here because of  _ you _ .” He leaned over Jason, his hair falling into his face, and when he spoke again, it was a choked  _ sob _ . “I’m here for  _ you _ , Jason.”

 

Jason stopped struggling, and Roy felt him relaxing underneath his body. He couldn’t read anything with that damn helmet in the way, and he needed to  _ see _ . Needed to make sure he wasn’t making an ass of himself-

 

Even if he knew, in his heart, this was  _ Jason _ .

 

Roy eased his grip on Jason’s wrists, pulling his hands back and settling further back on his thighs. Jason pushed himself up, and for a moment Roy was ready to  _ hurt _ again-

 

But he didn’t reach for Roy. Instead, his hands went to his helmet. He tugged it up and off, let it clatter to the street next to them. And god, this wasn’t the kid Roy knew-

 

Jason had  _ grown up _ . But those were his eyes, concerte and cool and  _ stormy _ \- those were his freckles, lining cheeks that had lost a bit of their roundness.

 

That was Jason… as he should have been, if he had never been  _ lost _ . Jason, if he’d gotten the chance to  _ grow up _ .

 

“How…” Roy started, reaching out without thinking. He cupped both of Jason’s cheeks, held his face in his hands, and swore this man was porcelain- that he was holding something he was terrified of  _ breaking _ .

 

Because if this was real- if he didn’t wake up screaming… that meant something had given him Jason  _ back _ .

 

For a moment, Jason just looked at him, his eyes a little wide- before he reached up, shoved Roy’s hands off his face. “Get off of me,” he said, and Roy swallowed, nodded dumbly. He pushed himself up, stood- and reached down.

 

Jason didn’t bat away the hand he offered.

 

Roy pulled him up, watched Jason brush the dust off his jacket. “You were holding back,” Jason said, leveling his stare. “You hit harder than that.”

 

“I’m not here to  _ hurt _ you,” Roy said, “I never wanted to hurt you, Jay.” Jason closed his eyes for a moment, and Roy wondered what he was  _ feeling _ , having Roy say his name again. “Talk to me.”

 

Jason brushed a gloved hand back through those messy, dark curls. There was a streak of white, in them now, a shock of pure  _ lack _ of color. “I’m not here to talk. I’m here to set things  _ right _ .”

 

“By doing what, exactly?” Roy noted the  _ obvious _ arsenal Jason still had on him- but at the moment he didn’t feel like he risked Jason pulling a second gun on him. Not that he could see his face, could read him a little again.

 

“By making Bruce do what he should have done  _ years _ ago.” Jason lifted his head, and for a moment, he was terrifying- but he still wasn’t a  _ stranger _ . Roy didn’t think Jason could do a damn thing to make him completely lose sight of the kid Roy had known, years ago. “He’s got to set things  _ right _ .”

 

“And whatever the hell that means, you’ve gotta burn Gotham at the same damn time?” Roy glared, eyes narrow, going hard. “What happened to you, Jason? The kid I knew, he would  _ never _ have burned this city. It was shit down to it’s core, but he still knew where to find the sparks of  _ good _ . The Jason I knew, he loved-”

 

“The Jason you know  _ died _ .” Jason reached out, pushed Roy a step back. He shook his head, as if he was realizing he had been  _ talking _ , and he looked angry at himself over that.

 

“Then who are you?” When Jason didn’t say a word, Roy closed the gap, grabbed a wrist and jerked Jason in towards him. “You’ve been gone for  _ years _ , Jason. I don’t know what happened to you, but I  _ want _ to know.” Roy squeezed, and it wasn’t painful, it was simply  _ solid _ . “Gotham is  _ poison _ to you, obviously. I don’t know  _ why _ , but this isn’t what you need.”

 

“You don’t know what I  _ need _ ,” Jason spat, “You never  _ did _ , Harper.”

 

That stung, cut deep into Roy, as he remembered Jason so much  _ smaller _ wanting to  _ love _ him. Just wanting Roy to love him back.

 

And he  _ had _ , so damn  _ much _ , but-

 

“Come with me.” The words left Roy’s mouth before he could even  _ think _ on them. But it didn’t matter- he didn’t need to. This was  _ Jason _ , and he  _ trusted _ him. Didn’t matter that he’d held a damn gun to his head- at his core, he hadn’t changed.

 

Roy had to believe that, had to believe if he could get Jason to just open up, maybe he could figure this out.

 

“Just give me one night, Jason. Twenty-four hours. That’s all I’m asking- whatever hell you’re raising, it’ll hold until tomorrow night.”

 

Jason studied Roy, narrowed those eyes- but he unfisted his hand, and Roy- he almost took it, almost knitted their fingers together. 

 

He had to settle for rubbing the bone of Jason’s wrist with his thumb.

 

“...Fine,” Jason exhaled, the word ending in a sigh. “But only if you agree, when I come  _ back _ , you stay the hell away from Gotham, Roy. I don’t want to see your face in this city again.”

 

Roy swallowed thickly, nodded. He’d take that risk- because he  _ had _ to believe that he could get back to Jason, could get at his core. Had to have some blind faith in the fact that the kid he had known and loved and lost and  _ mourned _ was somewhere in there- and he could find him, again.

 

He had to  _ believe _ in Jason, like he had so many times before.

 

*

 

Jason didn’t feel like himself, sitting in Roy’s  _ car _ . Like this was a social visit. Like he hadn’t been plotting to blow a hole in half of Gotham, hours before.

 

At least, he didn’t feel like the man he’d been, lately.

 

Roy didn’t  _ talk _ in the  _ hours _ it took to get back to New York City. Jason was glad for that, because he didn’t trust himself to keep quiet, if prompted. Didn’t trust who he was, in that moment.

 

Roy Harper had been the  _ last _ person he’d expected to find in Gotham City. Any goddamn member of the bat family- Grayson or Bruce or even  _ Barbie _ , or  _ hell _ , that Replacement kid that left the sour taste of bile in Jason’s mouth-

 

But Roy Harper? That wasn’t his  _ place _ . He had his own hell, he didn’t need Jason’s.

 

Jason watched the city flash by, out the window- was holding his helmet in his hands, tightly. Part of him wanted to put it back on, wanted to security it offered. Didn’t need Roy looking into his  _ eyes _ , didn’t need him seeing Jason-

 

Maybe because Jason wasn’t the  _ kid _ he had known- and god, what if he wasn’t what Roy had  _ wanted _ him to be? Which was  _ foolish _ because Jason knew he  _ wasn’t _ , and he wanted to believe he didn’t give a shit about letting anyone down, now. Because they’d all let  _ him _ down.

 

Except… Roy was  _ different _ . And Jason had worked so  _ hard _ to push down memories of him, of everything he had felt, over all these years- channeled passion into  _ violence _ until that was what he  _ knew _ . But seeing Roy… hearing him say his name…

 

Jason swallowed, and told himself none of it mattered. Nothing he ever felt  _ mattered _ in that moment, like it hadn’t mattered back then-

 

He realized his eyes had gone out of focus, and that the city was a blur, as the car pulled up to the curb. Roy killed the engine, leaned back and looked at Jason.

 

“I need five minutes,” he said, “before you come in.”

 

Jason opened his mouth to ask Roy how the  _ hell _ he was supposed to know where he was going- but a glance at the building, and his words were dead and gone.

 

It was the same apartment Roy had lived in, the last night Jason saw him. All these years… and he was still here.

 

He managed a nod, and Roy opened his car door, heading through the crisp night and into the building. Jason straightened up, looked back down at his helmet, rolled it in his hands. Told himself this wasn’t an idiot move, that coming here… it was so that, when the time came, he knew he’d have one less wall between he and his  _ goal _ , between him and Bruce.

 

Roy would keep his word. He’d stay out of Gotham, when the time came. And  _ that _ , that was worth putting off terrorizing Bruce for a night.

 

Let the bastard sleep on his sins.

 

Jason sucked on his tongue, decided it had been  _ long _ enough, and shoved the car door open. He got out, slammed it shut, took a moment to stare up at the building. Remembered staring up at it, years before- with a bloody lip and an aching eye and a love that would have moved his feet even if his damn spine had been broken.

 

Jason took a deep breath, and in the dead of the night, headed inside. Up stairs he remembered, down a hallway that hadn’t changed in four goddamn years- pausing at a door that didn’t dwarf him, now. He lifted his hand, and what was he supposed to do- knock?

 

Roy had the door open before he could. He’d thrown his hair back, and was stepping aside, ushering Jason in and closing the door, locking it behind them. He was setting the chain, as Jason looked around the place.

 

Same layout. The couch hadn’t changed, and while he couldn’t see around it, see the floor, he assumed everything was exactly how he had left it, years ago.

 

“I can make coffee,” Roy said, leaning against the door. “I know it’s… late but I can.” Jason shrugged a shoulder- he didn’t plan on staying up, on  _ talking _ . Granted, he didn’t plan on sleeping, either. But if Roy wanted to sit in silence with him,  _ so be it _ .

 

Roy headed into the kitchen, and Jason followed. He paused in the doorway, as Roy fiddled with the coffee machine, looking at the table. Had memories of sitting there, with his homework, making dinner with Roy-

 

Memories of Lian in his arms-

 

And the moment he  _ thought _ her name, it was like rousing a ghost. A tangible ghost, one he heart with soft footsteps. When they paused he looked over his shoulder-

 

And the child standing there, she  _ couldn’t _ be Lian.

 

“Daddy?” she asked, leaning, not seeming even  _ phased _ by Jason, as she tried to peer around him. Jason turned to properly face her, as Roy rushed past him, crouching down in front of her.

 

“Pumpkin, what are you doing out of bed?”

 

“Heard you,” she said, “and I’m  _ not _ a pumpkin.” She shook her head, and Roy hoisted her up, turning and facing Jason-

 

And god, that  _ was _ Lian. That was the baby Jason had held in his lap who didn’t know how to keep food in her mouth, was the giggling little thing that he had  _ adored _ to no end-

 

His gut and chest seized up, realizing how many years it really had been.

 

“Lian, honey,” Roy said, “This… this is Jason.” Lian looked at him, before she frowned, twisting a fistful of Roy’s shirt in her hand. “You knew Jay, once…”

 

“ _ Jayjay _ ,” she said, still studying him. Her eyes were still dark as ink, gorgeous and all encompassing. Like she saw the entire world and sucked it right into her skull. “He can’t be.”

 

Jason’s mouth set in a straight line. She couldn’t  _ remember _ , she’d been six months old when he died…

 

“You said Jayjay went home, daddy.” Lian turned to her father, looking right at him and pouting. “You always told me I didn’t remember him because  _ he went home early _ .”

 

“Home?” Jason asked, his voice coming out almost  _ tentative _ . He cursed it, cursed the fact that he just wanted to reach out- wanted to touch Lian’s hair, her cheeks- wanted to know she was there, right in front of him.

 

Wanted to hold the little girl he had  _ missed _ all these years.

 

“Heaven,” Lian said, before Roy could stop her. Jason stared at her, before he glanced at Roy, who looked away. But Jason wished he  _ hadn’t _ . He needed to see his eyes-

 

Because Roy had taken the time to  _ tell _ Lian about him.

 

“Well, I came back,” Jason offered, his eyes going soft. He felt the tension easing inside himself, and for a moment, he chose to  _ forget _ why the hell he’d even come here. Chose to focus on  _ Lian _ . His voice came out somewhat soft, and when she smiled over it, he felt his heart  _ melting _ like it had, four years earlier. “I had stuff I had to do.”

 

“Can everyone come back?” Lian asked, squirming, leaning away from Roy and closer to Jason.

 

“No,” Jason said, honestly, and Lian  _ grinned _ .

 

“Then you’re  _ special _ , Jayjay. Daddy always said you were!” She reached out, and Jason dared to lift his hand, let her press her palm against his large, gloved hand. He wished he could tear that layer away, wanted to feel her little hand, wanted to try to reconcile the difference from how she had grown- how  _ he _ had grown.

 

Roy pulled her back, kissing the side of her head. “Let’s get you back to bed,” he said, giving Jason a quick glance, the kind that had Jason almost shivering, before he turned, carrying the little girl away. Jason stood there, for a moment, before he turned, heading back into the kitchen. He set his helmet down on the table, pulled a chair out and slumped down into it, dragging his hands back through his hair.

 

He’d thought about Lian  _ so much _ while he was away, and yet, when Roy had asked to take him home… he hadn’t  _ expected _ to see her. Hadn’t been braced…

 

He fisted his hand, pressed it to his mouth, dared to dig his teeth into his glove as he squeezed his eyes shut. His chest was hurting, on fire- and all he could think was how much he had  _ missed _ .

 

And how much he  _ cared _ .

 

“Sorry about that,” Roy said, walking back in, as Jason opened his eyes, let his hand fall to his lap. “Normally she’s a heavy sleeper. Helps when I’ve got friends crashing in at all goddamn hours.” Roy headed for the coffeepot, pulling down two mugs and filling them.

 

“She got so big,” Jason said, folding his hands, settling them on the table. Roy nodded, as he spooned sugar into both mugs. “Jesus… how-”

 

“It’s… it’s been four years, Jaybird. That’s how. Trust me, I’m not okay with her growing up either.” He headed for the fridge, opening it and grabbing the creamer. He poured some into the mugs, stirred the coffee again, before he headed for the table, sitting down next to Jason. He set one mug in front of him, as Jason pulled his gloves off, wrapped his hands around it and soaked in the heat.

 

“She knew who I was…”

 

“She’s known who you were her whole life,” Roy said, spinning his mug gently between his hands. “I wasn’t going to let her not know you, Jason. Not when you were so  _ important _ to us. God, without you… I wouldn’t have ended up the dad I am. You  _ helped _ me. You deserved to have her know who you are.” Roy took a sip of his coffee, as Jason simply stared down into his.

 

Roy had  _ talked _ about him. Roy hadn’t  _ forgotten _ him…

 

“I used to think about Lian a lot,” Jason admitted, “when I… came back. I used to lay awake and wonder how big she was, what it would be like to see her. Used to wonder how you were doing… how  _ everyone _ was doing. Until… I couldn’t…”

 

Roy took a sip of his coffee, before he set the mug down. “Jason… what  _ happened _ to you? Where have you  _ been _ ? You… you were dead…”

 

Jason shrugged a shoulder. “There’s a year where I have nothing,” he admitted, and he knew he  _ shouldn’t _ . Talking to Roy… it wouldn’t  _ help _ him.

 

But he couldn’t stop.

 

“I was with  _ Talia _ … Al Ghul.”

 

Roy stared. “As in… the one Bruce…” he waved his hand, and Jason’s eyes  _ hardened _ over the man’s name.

 

“ _ Yes _ . She found me. I don’t know how, I don’t really  _ care _ how. But I wasn’t… I wasn’t really  _ alive _ . I was a body and that was it. She shoved me into a damn Lazarus Pit, and I woke up screaming and  _ drowning _ .” Jasn clutched the mug tighter. “I stayed with her for years. She sent me all over the world, got me the best teachers in every damn field I could’ve ever dreamed up.” Jason looked back down at the coffee.

 

“You… you could have  _ come home _ .”

 

“No, I couldn’t. I was  _ dead _ , and you know what I found out, shortly after coming back? That Bruce let that fucking  _ clown _ walk away from what he did to me. He took me away from Bruce and did he even bat a fucking  _ eye _ ?”

 

“Bruce mourned you,” Roy said, one hand sliding off his mug, inching on the table towards Jason, but stopping short of touching. “Jason we  _ all _ mourned you. Bruce was a wreck. Dick was a ghost. Alfred thought he’d be burying Bruce right after you. I thought Dick was going to drive himself into the ground, trying to get over his own guilt.” Roy shook his head.

 

“But the clown is still  _ alive _ . I’m not expecting Bruce to just kill  _ any _ Gotham cancer. Just the damn  _ Joker _ . I heard what he did to Barbara… and he’s  _ still _ walking. And then I find out Bruce has got a new goddamn kid in the Robin suit-”

 

“Jason-”

 

“It didn’t take him long to  _ forget _ me. I died thinking he  _ loved _ me, Roy. And I woke up realizing he didn’t give a damn.”

 

“That’s not true,” Roy said, reaching out now, a warm hand curling around Jason’s wrist. “Jason, Bruce  _ loved _ you. Dick loved you. No one  _ replaced you _ . That  _ kid _ has a name- Tim. And he’s a damn good Robin, just like you and Dick were. Bruce didn’t give him  _ anything _ , he took it. He proved himself ten times over before Bruce was willing to really accept him. And he looks up to you.”

 

“Just a fuckin’ replacement,” Jason said, but didn’t pull away from Roy’s hand. It… it felt good, the heat of it. Felt good that Roy was touching him and didn’t seem  _ afraid _ . Which brought Jason to… “You brought me back here, even after I had a gun to your head… with your  _ daughter _ under the same roof.”

 

Roy pulled his hand back, chose to cradle his mug again. “Without a second thought. You’d never hurt Lian, Jason. I don’t care what you think you’d be willing to do to me… but you wouldn’t hurt Lian.”

 

Jason stared at him,  _ stared _ because Roy had… faith in him. After all these years, and someone still had unwavering  _ faith _ ? And he didn’t doubt Roy had heard all about what Jason had been doing, in Gotham.

 

Jason lifted his mug, needed to distract himself. He took a long sip of the coffee, before he stared down into the mug, said to himself more than anyone else, “You remembered how I liked it.”

 

“‘Course I did,” Roy said, “Same as me. Like we were meant to be.” Roy glanced down, after he said that- and Jason watched him push his chair back. “You can’t sleep in… that get up. Let me get you something.” He left his mug behind, leaving the room without looking back-

 

And Jason didn’t  _ dare _ to roll over  _ we were meant to be  _ in his head.

 

Except he couldn’t  _ stop _ it.

 

*

 

Roy tugged his bedroom door shut, leaning against it, scrubbing his hands up over his face. Jason was in his kitchen… after all these years, Jason was back in his  _ home _ . And he was opening up… he was  _ talking _ . God, even if it was only a little…

 

Roy wanted to  _ hope _ . Wanted to think that he could fix this, that he could  _ save _ Jason from whatever mistake he was going to make. He owed the man that much- owed him so much more.

 

He hurried to his dresser, tugged it open and found a pair of flannel pajama pants and a tshirt that he figured would fit Jason- and god, they were about the same size now. Hell, Jason was  _ bigger _ . He still could barely wrap his mind around it.

 

He headed back out of his room, found Jason still sitting at the kitchen table, finishing off his coffee. “Here,” Roy said, offering the clothing up as Jason set the mug down. “You remember where the bathroom is?”

 

Jason nodded, took the clothing and stood up. Roy figured he had a good few minutes, with all the gear Jason was wearing, and headed back to his room, grabbed a few pillows and blankets. He dropped them all on the couch, before heading for Lian’s room, peeking in through the door he had left cracked open. She was sound asleep in her bed, arm tossed over one of her teddy bears. He smiled to himself, pulled the door shut properly, before he headed back out to the living room.

 

He was rearranging the mess on the couch when Jason appeared, arms full of his gear. Roy nodded towards the chair in the living room, and Jason dumped it all there, dropping his boots on the floor.

 

“It’s nothing great,” Roy said, “But it’s the same old couch.” Jason looked at him for a minute, before glancing at the stack of pillows, the blankets Roy had piled together and had tossed up, like he had made it a bed just for Jason.

 

In the dark, Roy couldn’t read Jason’s eyes. He wished he could.

 

“If you want,” Roy started, paused to swallow, “I’ll stay up all night, if you want. Or if you just want to sleep… I don’t know  _ what _ sort of sleep schedule you’ve had going on.”

 

“Not much,” Jason admitted, and it was shockingly  _ honest _ . Roy nodded, stepping away from the couch.

 

“Well, we can pick back up in the morning. You know where my room is, if you need anything.” Jason nodded, and Roy walked around the couch, heading back for the kitchen. He heard Jason settling down on the couch, as he grabbed their coffee mugs, set them in the sink, gave them a little rinse so they’d be easier to wash, in the morning.

 

He took his time, wasn’t sure what he was waiting for- maybe he was hoping that Jason would say something, would change his mind. Maybe he was hoping Jason would just say his name.

 

Finally, he clicked the light off in the kitchen, walked back through the living room in the dark. He paused, at the doorway to the hallway, glanced back at Jason’s shape, which took up the whole couch and then some, now.

 

“Jay,” he said, one hand reaching out to grip at the doorway. “It’s good to have you back.”

 

Roy forced himself to leave, the moment he said it. Forced himself towards his room, wouldn’t let himself turn around, to drop down onto his knees in front of Jason and slump over him.

 

Wouldn’t let himself sob over the fact that, despite the fact that he  _ knew _ it was a cruel world they lived in, Jason had been given back to him.

 

*

 

Jason wasn’t sure when he fell asleep. He hadn’t  _ meant _ to- but there was a  _ familiarity _ to Roy’s couch, to the smell of his pillows, the feeling of one of his well worn tshirts. It was a comfort Jason hadn’t known in a long time. And even if the couch was a bit cramped now that he wasn’t a kid, it was better than what he’d put together for himself in Gotham.

 

He’d spent more time concerned about what he needed to teach  _ Bruce _ that he hadn’t much cared about how he was living. There’d be time for that, later. If he lived through this.

 

He came to, slowly, let his eyes flutter open. Roy’s living room was dim without a light on, and for a minute, Jason didn’t even realize where he was- he had been so far gone. He nestled down into the pillows more, let his eyes drop shut for a moment, before he heard something  _ clatter _ to the floor, out in the kitchen. His eyes shot open and he sat up, turning and glancing over the back of the couch.

 

In the kitchen, he could see Lian scrambling after his helmet, which she must have knocked off the table. One of the chairs was pulled out, and he assumed she had climbed up on it. She picked up the helmet, had her arms wrapped around it when she turned, caught him watching from over the back of the couch.

 

Jason leaned up over it, offered a single hand wave, and Lian smiled, hurrying out. Her footsteps were a little unsteady due to the size of the helmet, but she managed, walking all the way around and tossing it up onto the couch. Jason was just turning as Lian grasped at the couch cushion beneath the blankets, hoisting herself up without his help at all.

 

“Good morning,” Jason offered, felt a little  _ strange _ saying it. He’d been alone enough that there hadn’t really been anyone to greet, like this. Lian smiled, knocked her feet together.

 

“Mornin’. Your hair is messy.” Lian pointed to Jason’s curls, and Jason glanced up, before he reached up, raked his hands back through them. “Daddy gets messy hair in the morning too, because it’s so  _ long _ . We can wear matching ponytails!” Lian lifted her chin, as Jason continued, and  _ failed _ he knew, to tame his curls. “Daddy used to tell me you had pretty hair.”

 

“Did he?” Jason asked, looking down at her. Lian nodded.

 

“He said you had pretty hair and eyes that looked like walls and  _ freckles _ . Not as many as he does- he has  _ so many _ I can’t even count that high!” Lian scooched closer. “And pictures. Daddy has pictures on his arms.”

 

Jason nodded, felt his lips tugging into the softest of smiles. Was fairly sure no matter what he did, he couldn’t deny  _ smiling _ around Lian. He remembered Roy’s tattoos, remembered wanting to get his hands around his biceps, to hold onto them-

 

Jason gently shook his head, as Lian picked up his helmet. “What’s this?”

 

“Not a toy,” Jason said, even as Lian settled it on her head. She waved her arms around, giggling. He reached out, but instead of plucking it off her, rubbed the top of the helmet like it was her hair. “Careful, or your dad will get mad at me.”

 

“Why?” Lian pulled it off, shoved it to the side.

 

“Insighting you to be a future vigilante.” Lian stared at Jason, and he cleared his throat. “Giving you ideas about costumes and people who wear ‘em.”

 

“I know  _ lots _ of people that do. Daddy does! He wears a lot of red- it matches your  _ helmet _ ! One day I’m gonna fight bad guys with him.” Lian nodded. “Not yet, I’m too small. But  _ one day _ .” She seemed so intent, and Jason could only stare, until Lian looked up at him, and the seriousness on her face fell away. “Can I hug you?”

 

Jason leaned away, for a moment, purely out of shock. “What?”

 

“Daddy said you used to hug me all the time. He said I was always happy when you did. I don’t remember.” She knocked her feet together again, and Jason rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“If that’s what you want-” he cut off when Lian pushed up onto her knees, nearly threw her little body into his lap. She reached her arms around, clung to the sides of his tshirt, and pushed her cheek right against his chest. For a moment, Jason just sat there, before he gave in, got his arms around Lian and clung tightly.

 

Held her like he was afraid of losing her, again. Of  _ leaving _ .

 

Lian hummed, rubbed her cheek against his chest. “Daddy was right,” she said, “your hugs are nice.” She looked up, and Jason glanced down, smiling at her.

 

“So are yours…” he admitted, “I missed you, princess. You have no idea.”

 

Lian snuggled back in. “I don’t remember,” she said, “but I bet I missed you too, Jayjay.”

 

*

 

Roy woke up not to the feeling of Lian bouncing up onto his bed, but to a quiet bedroom. He pushed himself up slowly, blinked and stared down at his pillow, considered flopping back down into it-

 

Before he remembered who he had sleeping in his living room. And suddenly, sleep wasn’t  _ interesting _ .

 

He stood up, shaking out his hair as he shoved his bedroom door- and was met by the sound of  _ laughter _ . Lian’s laughter, a sound he knew by heart. He headed for the kitchen, where he found her on her knees, in one of the chairs, clinging to it and  _ watching _ -

 

Watching Jason Todd making breakfast in their kitchen, as if he had never left.

 

Roy stopped,  _ stared _ , as Jason spoke without turning around.

 

“You used to pull his hair all the time,” he said, “You couldn’t reach mine though. Your arms were too short.”

 

“Not anymore!” Lian said, “I got big, Jayjay.”

 

“So did I,” Jason said, turning around- and Roy swore he forgot how to breathe.

 

Jason was  _ smiling _ . An honest to god smile, the kind he used to have every day for Lian, the kind that had Roy’s stomach going to pure, painful knots.

 

The moment he saw Roy though, it faded. He swallowed, composed himself, and Lian turned her head, following his stare.

 

“Hi daddy!”

 

“Hi princess,” Roy said, walking over to kiss the top of her head. “Looks like I’m missing a good time.”

 

“Jayjay said he’d make me breakfast. He said he used to cook for you sometimes.” Roy glanced over at Jason, who looked away.

 

“He did.” Roy stroked Lian’s hair back. “Go wash your hands sweetheart, okay?” Lian nodded, maneuvering off the chair and heading for the bathroom. Roy could hear the sound of her pulling her step stool out to reach. He turned back to Jason, who had turned away, was moving the pan off the stove. “You didn’t have to do this.”

 

Jason shrugged a shoulder. He turned, headed for the coffee pot, which was gurgling. He gripped the counter, studying it, and Roy  _ knew _ he was avoiding his gaze.

 

He walked over, reached out, pressed his hand to the small of Jason’s back. “Jason.” The man didn’t look at him. “Jason, I can’t imagine what you went through, or what you’re feeling… but I want to understand it. I want you to tell me… let me in.”

 

“I let you in once,” Jason said, glancing at Roy, and the moment he said it, Roy could see the  _ regret _ in his eyes. “It’s not your war, Roy. Stay ignorant.”

 

“It  _ is _ my war,” Roy corrected, hand sliding along Jason’s lower back, rubbing affectionately. “It’s my war because I  _ care _ about you. I didn’t stop caring because you died, Jason. Nothing was ever going to make me stop. I just want to help you.”

 

“You can’t,” Jason said, turning and gently pushing at Roy, until their contact broke. Roy wanted to believe he saw pain in Jason’s eyes- if only to believe Jason was lying to himself and  _ knew it _ . “I have to do this. I have to make Bruce  _ see _ .”

 

“You can make him understand by  _ talking _ to him,” Roy countered. “Whatever you’re thinking of doing, Jason…  _ you don’t have to _ . I know what you’ve  _ done _ already. Wally knew, he  _ told _ me. I assume Dick has been spilling to him. And I don’t  _ care _ . Not if you  _ stop _ .”

 

Jason shook his head, taking a step back, and Roy sighed, folding his arms. He might have pressed more, but Lian’s footsteps stopped him, as she hurried over.

 

“Jayjay,  _ look _ .” She reached up with her hands, offering the small frame in her hands. “Daddy keeps this in my room by my bed. It’s been there  _ forever _ .”

 

Jason plucked the picture frame from Lian’s hands, holding it in his own to glance at it. Roy didn’t need to see it to know what it was-

 

The picture he’d found on Jason’s phone, all those years back. He’d printed it, framed it- kept it in Lian’s room so that she would know Jason’s face, as she grew up. So that she would have a picture to put to all the stories Roy told.

 

Jason glanced up from it, and Roy shifted. Felt like he could melt under those eyes. “Alfred gave me your phone,” he offered. “I didn't pry but… I saw that picture… and I wanted her to know.”

 

“But now I get the real thing,” Lian said, reaching up, taking Jason’s free hand. “Daddy said you used to never want to leave. Are you staying, Jayjay?”

 

Jason stared down at the little girl, before he looked up at Roy-

 

And Roy prayed to a god he had long forsaken that the uncertainty in Jason’s eyes wasn’t just his own wishful thinking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has had a good week!

Jason crouched atop the roof in Gotham, could see the Bat through the magnified lenses on his helm. The Bat and his new _brat_ at his side, taking on an after hours burglary.

 

He could swoop down there. He could _ruin_ their fun. Blast a few holes in whoever was causing the trouble, knock the kid out, get all of Bruce’s attention-

 

Strangely, the idea left his mouth tasting sour. He frowned, tapped his mask and eased the vision back to normal. He stood up, stretched- thought maybe he could track down _golden boy_ , knew that messing with him would _definitely_ get at Bruce-

 

Except that there hadn’t been a single sign of Dick in Gotham that night. And he was starting to think Roy had been telling the truth, that Dick had run himself ragged, to the bone-

 

 _Don’t think about Roy_.

 

Jason gritted his teeth, balled his hands into fists. He’d been back in the city a few hours and nothing felt _right_ now. Not like before, with how good it felt to think that he could have half this world up in smoke. Now it just felt… _dull_. Left him bitter, bile in his throat.

 

He _knew_ it was because of Roy. Because of the single day he had let himself spend with him. A means to an end- it meant Roy wouldn’t _interfere_ again, when the time came. And Jason needed to make sure there were as few chaos variables as possible, when he confronted Bruce with the _cause_ of all this hell. Except…

 

Except he kept thinking about Lian. About how _big_ she had gotten. How she smiled and laughed and how _good_ it felt to be around her. Like when he had been a kid, how he had always been happy when she smiled. And Roy, _Roy_ -

 

Roy saying his name, Roy trusting him around his daughter when Jason had pulled a damn _gun_ on him. Roy’s _faith_ that he wouldn’t ever hurt Lian- and it was true. Jason would rather saw his own arm off than _ever_ hurt Lian. And Roy… he had _told_ her about him.

 

He hadn’t forgotten. He’d made sure someone else _knew_ him. After all these years…

 

Jason cursed, turning abruptly away. He made his way down the building, onto his bike, tore off through the streets, away from the Bat, the replacement. Another night, when his head was on straight, and he could deal with that.

 

He made his way back to the Narrows, into the old, abandoned building he was calling home. He didn’t have anything _permanent_ yet. A part of him said he wouldn’t _need_ it, that he’d end up dead again by the end of all this. Which was _fine_ with him, as long as he dragged Bruce down screaming with him-

 

Except now it felt like the room he was standing in was a _shell_ . He was suddenly _cold_ , as he tore his helmet off, his jacket. Dropped them to the floor and collapsed on the hard cot, staring up at the dark ceiling, still in the rest of his gear. He missed Roy’s couch, in that moment. Missed the fact that he had _memories_ of sleeping there, that Roy’s pillows smelled like him, that Roy still took the time to make him comfortable-

 

He remember being _fifteen_ and losing his mind, over Roy tucking him in.

 

Jason groaned, scrubbed his gloved hands up over his face. He had gotten over this, he _swore_ he had. The years had withered away whatever _feelings_ he had for Roy Harper, that he’d died with. Even when Roy rejected him, he hadn’t stopped _loving_ him, even if it hurt to so much as _think_ of that.

 

But looking back, Jason _understood_ now. Maybe a part of him still _wished_ Roy had kissed him, had told him how perfect he was- even if Jason knew he _wasn’t_ \- had wrapped him up in his arms and swore to love him. But that part was outweighed by the _reality_ of the situation.

 

He had been fifteen. Roy was _six years_ older than him. It wouldn’t have been right.

 

And Roy rejecting him _had_ been Roy loving him, even if…

 

“Shut the fuckin’ hell up,” Jason muttered to himself, wanting his brain to go _silent_ . He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes until he saw sparks, bit at his cheek, _anything_ as a distraction. He couldn’t do this again. He _couldn’t_ fall for Roy a second time. Not _now_.

 

But his belly went tight, thinking about him. His heart rushed like a desperate animal, and god, _seeing_ him. Everything had flooded back, until Jason hadn’t known what to do except _fight_.

 

“The plan,” he mumbled to himself, rolling onto his side, feeling his various weapons digging into him and not caring. “The fuckin’ _plan_ , Todd.”

 

He closed his eyes, but instead of a burning city, instead of a screaming bat- he saw Roy’s smile, he heard Lian’s laugh.

 

*

 

Roy was attempting to clear up the mess that was his coffee table, when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced at the clock on his DVD player- and it was still _early_ . He’d barely been home from dropping Lian off at preschool, his hair still wet from his shower, and he wasn’t _expecting_ anyone.

 

He dropped the mess of coloring books Lian had left out from the night before back on the coffee table, heading for the door. He unchained it, pulling it open-

 

And had to lean against the door.

 

“Jason?” The man lacked his helmet, _his gear_ , that he had left in, the night before. When Roy had made the drive _back_ to Gotham, and had wanted to beg Jason to reconsider. Not to go back. Not yet. Stay another night, let Roy _help_ him.

 

But a promise had been a promise.

 

“Hey.” Jason looked down, and Roy noticed the bag he had slung over his shoulder. He stepped aside, managing a broken _come in_. Jason stepped in, as Roy shut the door. “Where’s Lian?”

 

“Preschool,” Roy said, heading around Jason, back for the living room. “She asked about you this morning. Asked if you were coming back to make breakfast again.”

 

Jason nodded, and Roy felt his eyes watching him, as he went back to collecting her coloring books. “What did you tell her?”

 

“That you were busy,” Roy said, settling them in a neat pile. “That you had to take care of all the things you came back to do. But hopefully you’d visit again before you went back home.” He glanced back at Jason, and Jason winced.

 

“Going to lecture me _again_? Because I didn’t come here for that.”

 

“Why did you come back?” Roy folded his arms, and Jason shifted.

 

“Honestly? I don’t know…” He glanced away for a moment, swallowed. “I just… keep thinking about you. About Lian. It’s _distracting_ .” He glanced back, and Roy saw, in those eyes, the boy from all those years ago. _His Jason_ . “I haven’t… it’s been a long time since I’ve been _distracted_. I just wanted to see you again.”

 

Jason was speaking slowly, almost softly, like he was committing himself to suicide. It made Roy’s heart crack. But gave him a surge of _hope_ , that maybe he could still get through to Jason. Could still save him.

 

He walked around the coffee table, heading for Jason, reaching out and pressing his hands to his shoulders, squeezing gently. “Okay,” he said, softly, as Jason’s eyes dragged to his own. “You’re always _welcome_ here, Jaybird. You always were. C’mon,” he grasped the strap of Jason’s bag, eased it off his shoulder. It fell to the floor, and Roy rubbed along Jason’s arm, over his well worn leather jacket. “Come sit down and-”

 

Roy broke off when Jason was _moving_ , and suddenly, his arms were around him. He clung to Roy, fisted his hands in the back of his shirt, hugging tightly. Roy lifted his own arms, wrapped them around Jason, held him close as one hand rubbed along his spine.

 

“Hey-”

 

“It’s so good to see you again,” Jason admitted, his cheek pressed to Roy’s shoulder, looking away.

 

Roy smiled, turned his head, _dared_ to kiss Jason’s hair. “It’s good to see you too, Jaybird.” He swallowed. “You have no idea how much I _missed_ you.” He felt Jason exhaled, shaky, and rubbed his back again. “C’mon, let’s sit down.” He hated to pull away, but he forced himself to, guided Jason back to the couch and sat down on it, tugging him down as well. Jason sat shockingly _close_ , close enough that their legs brushed, and Roy wanted to gather him up into his arms again. Wanted to hold him.

 

God, just wanted to revel in the fact that he was _back_.

 

And he had only let himself, in the dark of night. After Jason had left, after Roy had made it home, sent the babysitter on her way- he had sat on his bed and wanted to _cry_ because Jason was back, had been in his apartment again. Jason had said his name, Jason had _smiled_ -

 

Jason was moments from being lost again.

 

“Come here,” Roy said, when he noticed the way Jason was eyeing him. He lifted his arm, rested it along the back of the couch- and Jason, in a moment of weakness that he could hate himself over later, dared to lean into the space it created, pushing against Roy’s side, his head resting on his shoulder. Roy got his arm around him, stroked his shoulder and bicep, felt Jason sigh. “You can stay here,” Roy said, not even sure if that was what Jason _wanted_. “As long as you want. You’ve always been welcome, Jason. That’s not going to change.”

 

Jason said nothing, turned so he could get one arm around Roy’s waist, holding onto him. Roy felt his heart throbbing, climbing up his throat, and he tried to swallow it back down, to tell himself it was just the sweet rush of having Jason back.

 

Telling himself everything he had once _felt_ , he had let go. Over the years.

 

“Don’t go back to Gotham,” Roy said, moving, getting his other arm around Jason, feeling like he was clinging to him now. “ _Don’t go back_. It’s poison, Jay. Just… stay with me…”

 

Jason looked up, and the chuckle that leaked from his lips was bitter, but only around the edges. “Always wanted you to say that,” he admitted, and Roy’s chest _ached_.

 

“Jason, I-”

 

“Don’t. I know, I _get it_ .” He pressed closer, despite the obvious _ache_ in his voice. “I get it, Roy. You were looking out for me. _I know_ . No hard feelings.” He pushed himself up, kept holding onto Roy, but he was _looking_ at him-

 

He was so _close_.

 

“I just… wanted everything for you,” Roy admitted, reaching up, cupping Jason’s cheek. He watched Jason’s eyelids flutter, ran his thumb up along his cheekbone, over ghosts of freckles. “I wanted you to be _happy_ . I still do. I mean it, _stay with me_ . Whatever you think you need to do, Jason… just give it more thought. I’ll help you, _I swear_. We’ll fix things.”

 

“We can’t fix things,” Jason said, shaking his head, pulling away from Roy’s touch. “But… if you’re sure. I don’t want to leave yet…”

 

He hadn’t wanted to leave, the night before. Roy was sure he wasn’t supposed to see that, in his eyes, but he _did_.

 

And he wouldn’t _dare_ believe that they wouldn’t fix things. Jason was _alive_. Anything was possible.

 

*

 

Jason watched Lian was she colored intently, the crayon gripped tightly in her hand. She was kneeling on the floor, leaning up over the coffee table and her coloring book.

 

She had squealed, when Roy brought her home, and Jason was there. She had ran up to him and _hugged_ him and told him _she knew he’d be back_.

 

Said she knew how much her daddy had missed him, the first time he was gone. How he couldn’t leave again.

 

That still rang in Jason’s head. Being _missed_ . All these years of being convinced he _hadn’t_ been. Years of feeling the anger the pit had brought up in him, of knowing the man who _killed_ him was still alive, when he could have been rotting in the ground. Thinking Bruce had replaced him without a damn thought, that no one had ever _cared_.

 

When Roy had. He had _cared_ enough to mourn Jason, to miss him- to make sure his daughter never _forgot_ him. And if he could be wrong, about even just this one man- maybe Jason was _wrong_ about others, too.

 

And being wrong changed _everything_.

 

“Look Jayjay,” Lian said, turning around and holding up her coloring book. “It’s a kitty with a red face, just like your mask!”

 

“That’s great, Lian,” he said, leaning over to stroke her hair. “You’re very good at coloring.”

 

“Thank you! Daddy thinks so too. Sometimes he hangs my pictures up.” She turned, set her book back down and went back to coloring, and Jason leaned back onto the couch. He could hear Roy shuffling around the kitchen, before he was emerging, carrying a plate and setting it down on the coffee table.

 

“Alright munchkin, lunch time.” Lian looked at the sandwich and smiled.

 

“You cut the crust off!”

 

“Of course I did princess. Now, I expect those carrots gone too, okay?” Roy glanced at the stack of carrot slices, next to the sandwich, and Lian nodded, grabbing one and shoving it into her mouth, as she turned back to continue coloring. The moment she did, Roy’s phone began to buzz from his pocket, and he sighed, digging it out and unlocking it.

 

“Hello?” Jason _watched_ his face pale a little, as Roy glanced at him. “Dick, hi. Good to hear your voice.”

 

Jason felt something in his stomach _dropping_ . And something in him, god, _was it anger?_ , waking up. Pulling tight, aching-

 

“Yeah? It’s been quiet? That’s good? … No, Wally called me and told me. I haven’t been to Gotham at all.” Jason’s head jerked at that, but Roy was moving away, still talking.

 

Why was he _lying_ ? Granted, Jason knew if Roy _said_ he was there, he could expect to see his former _brother_ at the apartment doorway in record time, but…

 

Was Roy _protecting_ him?

 

It took Jason the rest of Roy's conversation to swallow that thought down, to tame it in his gut, to keep the hope from showing in his eyes. _Protection_ was something he hadn’t… hadn’t had in a long time. Talia had offered it, in this mild way-

 

But it was _different_ , coming from Roy.

 

Jason stood up, leaving Lian with her coloring and her lunch, heading for the kitchen. Roy was just setting his phone down, as Jason leaned a hip against the kitchen table.

 

“You didn’t tell him I was here.”

 

Roy turned, leaned back against the counter, shook his head. “No. When you’re ready to talk to Dick… he’ll know then. But it’s not my place.” Roy reached back, rubbed the back of his neck. “He just wanted to tell me he got a tip about a weapon smuggling ring we’ve been sort of working together. I need to go out tonight. I have to go call the babysitter-”

 

“Why?” Jason folded his arms. “I’ll be here.” And it was second nature, all over again. To just _assume_ he would be watching Lian, while he was here. A second nature he had missed.

 

Roy stared at him for a minute. “I… I didn’t just want to make you do that…”

 

Jason shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t mind.” He swallowed, added, “Besides, you basically just gave me an open invitation to live on your couch.” He cracked a half smile, and Roy _laughed_ over that.

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t _expect_ anything for that. But if you don’t mind? I’d feel better with you here anyway. And Lian would love it.” Jason nodded, tried to swallow down the excitement he could feel bubbling, over the fact that Roy _wanted_ it to be him. Felt safe with him taking care of Lian.

 

For a moment, it was like Jason had never left.

 

*

 

“You know, I think you’re tired,” Jason said, later that night, as Lian lay flopped on the couch, mostly asleep. She mumbled at him, tugging the blanket up to her chin. It was _well past_ when she should have been in bed- but Jason found he didn’t want to see her go. Wanted to keep her close. She’d been sleeping on the couch for a while, woke only when Jason had tried to scoop her up to finally take her to bed, before Roy came home and questioned his ability to watch his kid.

 

“C’mon princess,” Jason whispered, this time successfully scooping her and the blanket up. “Trust me, I don’t want to, but you’ve gotta go to bed. Your daddy will get mad at me.”

 

“Daddy can’t get mad at you,” Lian said, resting her cheek against Jason’s chest. “He always said you were perfect, Jayjay.” She yawned, and Jason felt his chest clenching so tightly.

 

“Trust me, I’m not,” he admitted, managing to get her bedroom door open. He laid her down, fighting with the blankets as she squirmed around, until she was under them. She grabbed one of the teddy bears on her bed, tugging it to her chest.

 

“Daddy said you were,” she said again. “Daddy said he loved you,” she broke off, yawned, “A lot. Said I did too.” She smiled, pushing her face into the teddy bear, and Jason adjusted the blanket, stroked her hair.

 

“I loved you,” he whispered, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “I still do,” he admitted.

 

And, silently, to himself, _I never stopped_.

 

Lian smiled. “I love you too,” she said, and Jason felt his ribs pressing into his lungs, felt the breath being taken from him- because, _god_ , to be _loved_ -

 

It was all he wanted. All he had _ever_ wanted.

 

Jason leaned over, kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams, Lian,” he said, before he stood up, walking out of her room and pulling the door shut. The moment it clicked shut he leaned against it, tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes shut, felt the corners growing wet. He wiped at them quickly, told himself to pull it together-

 

But Lian had, for a moment, given him everything he’d ever wanted.

 

Jason inhaled slowly, pushed off the door, heading back for the living room. He wasn’t there long before he heard the front door opening- closing, quickly, and Roy working all the locks.

 

“Someday, someone is going to see you,” Jason mused, turning to lean against the back of the couch, watched Roy walking into the light of the room. Jason frowned, when he noticed Roy’s split lip, the blood on his chin. “You’re bleeding.”

 

It came out _concerned_.

 

“Nothing major,” Roy said, tugging his mask off, walking past Jason and heading for his bedroom. Jason pushed off the couch, following him, stood in the doorway as he began pulling cases from beneath his bed, unlocking them to stow his gear.

 

“Had to start locking everything up,” Roy said, tucking his quiver away, “when Lian got bigger, and I had babysitters coming in.”

 

“You need more space,” Jason mused, leaning against the doorway, as Roy pulled his gauntlets off.

 

“I know.” He tossed them down. “I’ve been looking into moving. I like the city, but I don’t have the space I need. And I miss having a real _workshop_ . I went this tiny studio to work in, but it’s a good twenty minute bus ride- and you know if I _drove_ the traffic would make it worse. I want a space _attached_ to where I live to work. Besides, even _that_ is too small.”

 

“Stop building monstrosities,” Jason teased, and Roy looked over at him, grinned.

 

“ _Never_ .” He pulled his chest armor off, before he worked on the clothing beneath- and then all that scarred, freckled _skin_ was there, for Jason’s eyes. He swallowed thickly, noted the spot along Roy’s ribs that was an angry, blossoming red- soon to be purple.

 

“How about I clean you up?” Jason asked, before he left, without waiting for an answer. He headed straight for the bathroom, found Roy’s first aid kit- in all these years, he hadn’t _moved_ it- and had it open and on the sink, when Roy walked in.

 

“I think I’m getting deja vu,” Roy admitted, sitting on the closed toilet as Jason pulled out a piece of gauze.

 

“Last time we did this, we were _switched_. And I was a little… smaller.” Jason smiled fondly, and Roy returned it. He leaned over, gripped Roy’s chin, dabbing at the split in his lip, cleaning the blood away.

 

“Trust me, I know,” Roy said, when Jason moved to wipe up the blood on his chin. “You’re bigger than _me_ now.” Jason felt heat rising in his cheeks, tried to ease it down, as he tipped Roy’s head back a little, got the last of the blood off of him.

 

“So where would you move to?” he asked, moving back to the conversation they had been having, in Roy’s room.

 

“I considered Star City,” Roy said. “Ollie and I might never be on the _best_ of terms, but Lian loves Dinah… and she could have so much _space_ there. It’s just a matter of finding a place. I was hoping to move before the next school year, that way Lian can start fresh.” Jason nodded, tossing the gauze away.

 

“You’re a good dad,” he said, rather quietly. Roy looked at him for a moment, before he offered a small smile.

 

“You can say that because you didn’t get to see all the times I fucked up.” Roy leaned his forearms onto his knees, slumping forward. “I lost Lian, for a while.”

 

Jason paused, at the first aid kit. He looked back, but Roy was studying the tiles on the floor.

 

“A couple months after you… died. Everyone was still… a mess, and then, Jade came back. She _missed_ our daughter, and I couldn’t blame her but- she wanted her back. She thought she had come to a solution, a safe way to raise Lian and not stop what she was doing. Thought she could give her a good life.” Roy paused, licked his lips. “I didn’t want to lose my daughter, but I couldn’t _keep_ Jade from her, either. But the first night in this place… without Lian… I was just… “ Roy paused, exhaled. “I was _lonely_ , Jason. I’d gotten so used to having my babygirl around, all the time. And there wasn’t anyone to fall back on. Not with Dick still in shambles after losing you, dealing with the mess Bruce was… the Titans had their own shit to handle…”

 

Roy shook his head.

 

“I started drinking. _A lot_ . Like if I got to the bottom of a bottle, I’d forget I was alone. It was like, before Lian came into my life. I wanted to use again, on the bad nights. I never did but… there were a few dark months, Jason. I didn’t get Lian back until _after_ her birthday. I didn’t see my baby for months, because Jade just _dropped_ off the face of the Earth. She’s so damn _good_ at that. I don’t even know where she is right now.” He waved his hand, and the glimpse of his eyes showed Jason pure misery. “Jade only brought her back because she realized that, as much as she loves our daughter, she _couldn’t_ keep her safe. She wasn’t sure I could though, either. I swore off the bottle the moment she offered her back to me.”

 

Roy lifted his head, looked fully at Jason.

 

“But I wasn’t a man you would’ve wanted to know, during those few months.”

 

“That doesn’t make you a bad father,” Jason said, closing the kit, realizing Roy didn’t have another other wounds that needed cleaning. “You _love_ your daughter. I know that. You’re doing a damn good job with her, Roy.”

 

That earned Jason a small smile. Roy straightened up, swiped a hand back through his hair. “Means the most, coming from you,” he admitted.

 

Jason exhaled, gripped at the sink with one hand. And when he continued speaking, his voice had a gentle waver to it. “You and Jade… so you’re not…”

 

“Together? You know that wouldn’t ever work. Doesn’t matter how much I loved her once, it wasn't meant to last. She pops up, unannounced, at times. I’ll never stop her.” Roy stood up. “I won’t ever keep her from our daughter. We both _love_ her, and even if sometimes we don’t _agree_ , we both just want her safe, happy. If the day ever does come where that isn’t possible with me…” he paused, his eyes so damn _raw_ that Jason felt the ache, in his own bones, “then I hope she takes Lian away from me again.”

 

He _knew_ that wasn’t something Roy would ever say lightly.

 

“It’s late,” Roy said, “how about we get some sleep? I’ve gotta be up in a couple hours to get Lian to school.” Jason nodded, watched Roy walk out of the room, before he stowed the first aid kit, flicked off the light. He headed back out towards the couch, where Roy was fixing it up to be a make-shift bed again. “I feel bad that you, you know, _out grew_ it and all,” he admitted, and Jason shook his head.

 

“Doesn’t matter. Thanks,” he sat down, looked up at Roy, at the freckles that dusted his navel, a few small scars along the curves of muscle- all so close to his face. “For letting me stay here. It’s better than being alone.”

 

For the first time, there _was_ something better than being alone.

 

Roy nodded, bent over, brushed Jason’s hair back- fingers lingering along the white streak in his curls. “Never a second I don’t want you here,” he admitted, and he was so close, with Jason’s head tipped back- Jason could just… “That’s never changed, Jaybird.”

 

Roy leaned in, pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, and Jason, for a moment, _let_ himself feel small again. Let himself feel like Roy could dwarf him, wrap him up, protect him, _love him_. When Roy pulled back, Jason leaned forward, for just a moment, almost wanted to chase him, wanted the kiss he had never been given-

 

And it was as if all those years apart, they ceased to exist. And Jason’s love for Roy, it burned in his gut as strong and hot as it ever had.

 

“Sleep well,” Roy offered, taking a step back, before he turned, left Jason alone, with his thoughts, with the realization that some things were almost as he had left them, all those years ago.

 

*

 

The first day, after Jason came back, that Roy woke up, he was _happy_ to find him still sleeping on his couch. He’d tried to keep Lian quiet while she was getting ready, but Jason had woken up anyway, had jumped right into the role of making sure she was all set for school. Like he had never left.

 

Each day that Roy woke up, and Jason was still there, the anxiousness in him faded, bit by bit. The worry that he’d wake up, and Jason would have left, gone back to Gotham-

 

Or never been there at all.

 

Lian yawned, from where she sat on the couch, snuggled up between the two of them. Roy was working on his laptop, and she was leaning more against Jason, who had no reservations about watching whatever Disney movie was playing she had picked out. Roy hadn’t paid much attention, he was finishing up a few case write ups to send off-

 

The joys of still doing work for the _government_.

 

“I think it’s bed time,” Roy said, not even looking up. Lian shook her head, turning and burying her face in Jason’s arm, kicking her legs. That got her father to look up, glance over at her. “Oh, it _definitely_ is if we’re acting like that.” He shut his laptop, set it on the coffee table, stood up and scooped her up. Lian huffed, but flopped over his shoulder, yawning again- and from the couch, Jason chuckled.

 

“Did you hate going to bed this much?” he asked, as he stood up, followed Roy towards Lian’s room. Roy laughed, paused at the bed as Jason moved and pulled the blankets down.

 

“Yeah,” Roy admitted, leaning over, settling Lian into bed. He kissed her forehead. “You have sweet dreams, okay princess?”

 

Lian stretched, grabbing her teddy bear. “Kiss Peter g’night too,” she said, holding him out, and Roy kissed the tip of the bear’s nose.

 

“Good night Peter. Make sure Lian goes right to sleep.” Roy stepped back, and Jason leaned over, kissed Lian’s cheek. Had learned, from the first time he had dared to almost leave without a goodnight kiss, that it simply wasn’t _acceptable_. They both stepped out of the room, and once the door was shut, Jason was asking,

 

“Peter?”

 

Roy looked back at him, when they got back to the couch. He looked down at his laptop, shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants.

 

And he could _lie_ . Could tell Jason the bear was named after _Peter Pan_ or something, but…

 

“He’s named after you,” Roy admitted. “Your middle name. Lian didn’t know what to name him… and I was… thinking about you.” He shrugged a shoulder. “He’s been around quite a while. He’s her _favorite_ , because I explained why I liked that name.”

 

Roy shifted, as Jason simply _stared_ at him. Like he couldn’t believe that Roy could ever… could ever miss him so much, could care so much. He reached up, rubbed the back of his neck, working at the crook of it, staring down at the floor, and Roy just…

 

Just wanted to reach out to him, to do _anything_ that would convince Jason that he had loved him, endlessly. God, that he had never _stopped_.

 

“You alright?” he asked, realizing it wasn’t just a nervous action- that Jason was working a knot loose.

 

“Fine,” he said, “Just a little stiff.”

 

Roy chuckled. “Guess you’re not meant for my couch anymore. You uh, you could…” he trailed off for a second, pulled his hands from his pockets, waved one like it could magically materialize the words form the air. “You could sleep with me. My bed’s not huge but-”

 

“Alright.”

 

The answer came before Roy was done, and Jason was looking just as shocked as Roy was. Like he hadn't meant to speak. He clamped his mouth shut, and Roy smiled, despite the fact that his stomach was twisting up.

 

“Okay. C’mon, how about we get a _full_ night’s sleep? And let me work that kink out of your shoulders.” Before Jason could speak, Roy reached out, took his arm and turned him, leading him towards his room. Once Roy had the door shut, he walked around the bed, sat down on it and patted the spot in front of him. Jason was silent, didn’t move for a breath, two, before hs finally took the few steps towards it. He settled down, in front of Roy, and Roy shifted up onto his knees, pressed his thumbs into the base of Jason’s neck.

 

The pressure had Jason groaning, eyelids fluttering shut, and Roy swallowed, closed his own eyes as he worked from the back of his neck down, between his shoulders. Told himself _not_ to enjoy the way Jason exhaled.

 

Still, when Roy asked, as he began on his shoulders, “feel good?” and Jason was _breathy_ in his _yes_ , he couldn’t help but nearly whine. He tried to focus on something else, on the way Jason’s tshirt felt beneath his hands- and not the lines of muscle beneath it, not the way Jason had dropped his head forward-

 

 _And Roy thought it’d be a good idea to share a bed with him_.

 

He bit at his cheek, worried it until Jason was straightening up, gently guiding his hands off. “Thank you.” Roy only nodded, pulling back, flopping back into his pillows and staring up at the ceiling, in the dark. Counting his breaths, as a way to ease the _drum_ of his pulse, in his skull. He heard the bed creak, as Jason laid out next to him, careful not to let a single part of his body touch Roy.

 

Roy continued to stare up at the ceiling, and _knew_ neither of them was going to sleep like this. He licked his lips, and in an attempt to break the silence, asked, “What was it like?”

 

He didn’t need to _specify_ , and he knew the moment he _asked_ it was probably the stupidest thing he could have questioned Jason about. Jason shifted, rolled onto his side to face him, and Roy looked over.

 

“Fuck, okay… that was stupid. Forget I asked-”

 

“I don’t remember,” Jason admitted, “Anything when I was dead. Don’t really remember my year of… being brain dead, I guess. But the pit… it made me feel like I was…” Jason paused, and Roy watched his lips pushing together, trying to think of the right words, if there were any. “Like I was burning. Like someone put acid in my lungs and kerosene in my veins. Like what hell would feel like.”

 

“You weren’t in hell,” Roy said, “if you even _believe_ in it. You’re a good guy.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that _now_.” Roy rolled onto his side as well, face Jason.

 

“I _would_ . I know what you started to do, Jason. I _know_ there’s blood on your hands. And from what you’ve told me about your _training_ after Bruce, there’s _buckets_ . But I still think, in your core, you’re _good_ . You’re taking steps some people wouldn’t. Hell… sometimes I wonder if maybe we’re all too soft.” He reached out, idly touched Jason’s arm, traced up along his forearm. “I’ve seen shit in this city I wish I didn’t. Like you saw in Gotham. That _alone_ makes me wonder if we should just _ditch_ the rules.”

 

“So why don’t you?”

 

“Because I want to be a man my daughter is proud of.” Roy smiled, felt Jason’s arm flipping, and then his fingers, touching Roy’s arm, as Roy got the tender skin near the crook of his elbow. “I want Lian to understand what I’m doing someday, to know that I want to protect _everyone_ . That we all deserve the chance to change. None of us are good forever- nor do we have to be _bad_ forever, either.” Roy grasped Jason’s arm then, tugged him in a little closer. “You’re good in your soul, Jason. And I won’t ever believe otherwise. You just have to _face_ your demons.”

 

“And if I can’t?”

 

“You _can_ . I’ll face them with you, if that’s what you want. Or I’ll wait until you’re done, and be there after. Whatever you _need_ Jason, let me _be_ that.”

 

Roy pushed himself up, slightly, reached out, got his hand behind Jason’s neck. He leaned in, pressed his forehead to Jason’s, thumb stroking behind his ear.

 

“You don’t have to do anything alone,” Roy promised, from the depths of his very core. “ _Never again_.”

 

Jason licked his lips, before he hooked his arm around Roy, slid down to press his face into his neck. Roy held him there, as Jason trembled once, sucking in a breath.

 

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” Jason mumbled, his belly twisting, writhing, his chest so tight he couldn’t breathe. “I wanted Bruce _dead_ . I wanted the whole city to burn. I wanted _answers_ as to why he didn’t _care about my death_ . But now I just… I…” he shook his head, and his breath caught, a half sob that had Roy clutching onto him tighter. “I just want everything _back_.”

 

Roy rubbed at his spine, the space between Jason’s shoulders. Clutched onto him and swore, never again, would be let go. “We’ll fix everything,” he promised, “Okay? It’s not too late. You’re _alive_ and that’s what matters. That’s all anyone is going to see. Your family _missed_ you.” Jason swallowed, his warm cheek sliding along Roy’s throat. “I can call Dick, we can start one at a time. He was so torn up over losing you, Jason. He’ll forgive anything you’ve done, if it means he has his little wing back.”

 

Jason said nothing, and Roy added a quiet, _when you’re ready_ , before he eased back down, stretching out on his back, keeping Jason against his chest. Jason curled closer, his breathing began to calm- yet he didn’t try to move.

 

Roy didn’t ask him to.

 

*

 

Jason woke up to a flood of warmth, against his chest. To the gentle rise and fall of Roy’s chest- the subtle beat of his heart, beneath his ear. He squinted, lifted his head slowly, could only push up so far, as Roy’s arm was locked around him.

 

He hadn’t been dreaming. He was asleep, in Roy Harper’s bed. With Roy clutching onto him.

 

Jason felt a smile pulling at his lips, and he let it happen. Let his cheeks ache with it, like when he had been a child and he’d been forced to dive under a blanket, over Roy’s affection. He squeezed his eyes shut let his cheek rest against Roy’s chest again, reaching an arm up to drape over him.

 

Maybe there had been _validity_ to Roy’s words. Maybe… maybe things could be alright. Maybe if Jason took this a single step at a time, he could _fix_ what he had so badly wanted to _burn_. And while the anger still boiled in him, in his gut- the solace of Roy’s room, the heat of the man against him- it dulled it, until it was a whisper, something Jason could almost ignore.

 

Maybe things weren’t as he had always thought, and _yes_ , he hoped it had been wrong, all along. Hoped he had been loved and mourned and _missed_.

 

Because Jason didn’t really _want_ the world to go up in smoke. All he wanted was everything that had been stolen from him-

 

He heard Roy give a tiny, sleep laced groan- felt the arm around him tighten. Out of instinct, he nestled into his chest more, sighed as Roy’s hand splayed on his back, fingers flexing.

 

“You awake?” Roy’s voice was a little hoarse from sleep, and it made Jason feel static, all in his belly, up his spine. Jason lifted his head, settled his chin on Roy’s chest.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Sleep alright?”

 

“Better than I ever have,” Jason admitted, and it was _true_. Nothing compared to the calm he could feel, around Roy. How everything could seep right out of his muscles and bones, stress and fear and anger dissipate into thin air. “I didn’t dream.”

 

“Do you usually?”

 

Jason pushed himself up, balanced on both hands and hovered over Roy, trying not to get lost in the way his hair fanned out over his pillows, along his shoulders. “Nightmares,” Jason admitted. “The pit _does_ things to you. I’ll die before they go away.”

 

“Then just sleep in my bed every night,” Roy offered, “If that keeps them away.” Jason let his mouth fall open, slightly, a subtle part to his lips, and Roy reached up, cupped his cheek.

 

“You’re killing me,” Jason whispered, pushing towards that hand. “Saying things like that… _looking_ at me like that.” And it was true, because it was everything Jason had wanted, had never _stopped_ wanting, even when it fell like ash beneath the shadows of his rage. “I thought I was over this.”

 

It took every ounce of courage he had to _say_ that. Because, he knew, admitting to Roy that he was _loving_ him again, like he always had- he ran to risk of _losing_ him. Of Roy rejecting him again, pushing him away and-

 

“I never was,” Roy admitted. Without another word he leaned up, and suddenly there was heat, against Jason’s lips. Suddenly, there was Roy’s _mouth_ , and Jason’s brain sparked, his nerves frying as he could barely comprehend that _this_ was reality. The kiss was soft, was the sweetest, slowest, _subtlest_ movements of Roy’s mouth, before he eased back, fell back to the pillows. “I missed you, all these years. I don’t want to have to miss you again.”

 

Jason stared down at him, before doing what he had _dreamed_ of doing, what felt like a lifetime ago.

 

Leaning down, and kissing Roy as if it was his last moment on this Earth. Roy’s mouth moved with ease beneath his, as Roy’s palm rubbed along his cheek, the stubble on Jason’s jaw. Roy’s other hand grasped at his side, his head tipping back so he could kiss Jason deeper, and Jason shivered, couldn’t breathe and didn’t _care_.

 

This, _this_ was the start of everything he had ever wanted.

 

“Jay,” Roy breathed, against his mouth, and Jason shivered.

 

“Help me fix everything,” Jason said, pressing his forehead down against Roy’s. “Don’t let me leave again. Don’t let anyone _take me from you again_.”

 

“Never.” Roy’s hand slid from his side to his back, arm hooking around him. “I swear, Jason. _I swear_ .” Jason smiled, soft, _loving_ , and in that moment, there was no anger, no _rage_ , there was just… affection. Love.

  
The need to right a world Jason could have so easily split in two.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I might post the last two chapters on this coming Sunday, instead of splitting it. Chapter 8 is the final chapter and it's rather long, while chapter 9 is just a very short epilogue. Unless I end up adding more to it, I'll probably just give us the full ending this weekend :3

Jason’s stomach ached with nerves, as he sat at Roy’s kitchen table. Lian was there as well, coloring with a new set of markers Roy had bought her-  _ for the kitchen only _ he had stressed, knowing she’d  _ probably _ get some on the table. He was trying to focus on her, how she would stick her tongue out when she was  _ intent _ on trying to stay in the lines- but his mind was racing.

 

Because they were expecting  _ company _ .

 

“Jayjay, what color should her dress be?” Lian asked, pointing to the princess on her coloring page. He snapped his head up, looked at her marker, because he pointed to a  _ blue _ , the same shade that was stained in his memory, a slash of color over a chest, drawn down over arms, along fingers.

 

The kind that he would  _ always _ associate with  _ Dick Grayson _ .

 

Lian picked it up, before she nodded in agreement, uncapping it and setting to work. She’d barely gotten half the skirt covered, when there was a knock at the door, and Jason heard Roy, from the living room, getting off the couch and heading for the door. He stayed where he was, even as the door opened, as he  _ heard _ Roy greeting who he  _ knew _ was standing there.

 

And then, a moment later, Roy walking into the kitchen. “C’mon Lian, uncle Wally is here to take you out for ice cream.”

 

“Ice cream!” she shouted, dropping her marker and hopping off her chair. Jason grabbed it, put the cap on it, as Wally appeared, just in time to have Lian wrap her arms around his legs in a tight hug.

 

“There’s the jelly bean,” he said, hoisting her up and kissing one of her cheeks. “You ready to eat  _ so much ice cream _ that your dad has to come roll us home?”

 

“Yes!” She squealed, as Roy grimaced.

 

“Wally, please don’t put her in a sugar coma.”

 

“No promises.” Wally grinned, before he glanced from Roy towards the table- and the smile fell away, when he saw Jason.

 

He didn’t look much different from what Jason remembered. Older, sure, but his hair was the same, same freckles, and when he  _ had _ smiled, it was the kind Jason remembered.

 

“It’s really you, isn’t it?” he asked, and Jason didn’t know what to  _ say _ to that. He could only nod, and watch Wally’s smiled soften.

 

“Whaddya mean, Wally?” Lian asked, turning and smiling at Jason. “Of  _ course _ it’s Jayjay!” Jason could only return her smile, as Wally set her down and took her hand, leading her out of the kitchen. Roy followed, and Jason could hear voices, at the door, more than just  _ two _ adults, and knit his hands together. Didn’t know what to do with himself- did he stand, did he stay sitting-

 

Did he leave the damn room and wonder if this was a  _ mistake _ ? If he could really fix what he had come back to burn?

 

He heard the door close, and then silence, filling the apartment. There was the sound of his pulse, pounding against his temples, each breath he took- and then gentle footsteps, with Roy appearing back in the doorway.

 

And next to him, Dick.

 

Jason turned his head, stared at the man, whose blue eyes had gone so wide, like he was staring at the sun. Like it hurt, but he couldn’t look away-

 

And then, as a subtle breath, “Little wing.”

 

Jason stood up, pushed the chair back- wasn’t sure  _ what _ he was ready for. The only time he’d seen Dick since returning was in costume, and that… it was  _ different _ , when you were going for someone’s throat. When Dick couldn’t be exactly  _ sure _ .

 

Different now that Jason didn’t want blood.

 

There was a moment where he just  _ stood there _ , before Dick was moving, rushing towards him, getting his arms around Jason and pulling him tight against him. Jason wanted to contain himself, to keep  _ composed _ -

 

But Dick was  _ Dick _ , was the big brother he had wanted to  _ be _ , and before he could stop himself, he had his arms around him, was squeezing so tightly he swore their bones would break and reknit together.

 

“Oh god it’s you,” Dick said, stroking Jason’s hair, “it’s  _ really _ you.”

 

Jason nodded, settling his cheek against Dick’s shoulder. “Yeah wonder boy,” he whispered, lost in Dick’s cologne and how  _ good _ it felt to have him holding him again. “In the flesh.”

 

Dick squeezed tighter, before pulling back a little, and from behind them, Roy spoke up.

 

“I can go,” he said, “if you guys want to be alone.” Jason glanced over at him- knew the only reason he hadn’t left with Wally and Lian was because he wanted to make sure this got off  _ right _ . That he and Dick didn’t dissolve to blows-

 

It was apparent within thirty seconds they  _ wouldn’t _ .

 

“It’s your apartment,” Jason said, even as Roy headed for the counter, plucking his keys out of his little junk bowl.

 

“Yeah, and you live here too. I’ll be back in a bit, I need to pick some things up at the store anyway.” He gave them both a nod- and Jason wondered if he wanted to cross the room, to grip Dick’s shoulder, to calm his friend. If he wanted to press his mouth to Jason’s temple-

 

Jason wanted that affection, but it would have to wait.

 

Neither moved, until the door was clicking shut, and Dick finally took a step back, getting his hands on Jason’s arms and looking him over. “Good, look at you now.” Dick’s eyes softened, his smile  _ sad _ . “You grew up.”

 

Jason nodded, couldn’t believe that he looked  _ down _ at Dick now. He’d spent all those years tipping his head back just trying to see him smile.

 

“What happened?” Dick asked, squeezing Jason’s biceps. “Jay, you were  _ dead _ .”

 

Jason glanced past Dick, out the doorway towards the living room. Dick turned, followed his stare, before letting go of Jason, moving- albeit reluctantly- away, towards the couch. Once they were settled on it- Dick sitting as close to Jason as he could, without touching, which Jason could just see in his eyes was  _ hard _ .

 

“Talk to me,” Dick said, reaching out for Jason’s hand and taking it, letting it settle against Jason’s thigh as he stroked his palm. “If you can.”

 

Jason sighed- but he  _ did _ . He didn’t have it in him to keep secrets from Dick, not now. Not when he wanted to move past the  _ hate _ the pit had brought out in him- not when the brother he loved was right there, like he had always wanted him to be. Looking at him with eyes that brimmed with so much affection it made Jason ache in every inch of his being.

 

“I was with Talia,” he said, knowing he didn’t need to  _ explain _ her to Dick. “She found me. For a year I was a walking  _ coma _ . But she… she refused to throw me away. She shoved me into a Lazarus Pit and it… reconnected a few things.” Jason sighed. “I get sick thinking about it, though. I came back to a world where Bruce  _ replaced _ me and the fucking Joker was still alive, and it felt like… no one  _ cared _ . Like I was forgotten. And that anger… Dick, it  _ festers _ in you. Whatever is in the Lazarus Pits, it isn’t  _ heaven sent _ that’s for sure. But she… helped me. She kept me distracted, she sent me around the world  _ learning _ . Things maybe Bruce might have taught me- but a lot he  _ never would _ . I like to think she kept me from running back here and getting myself killed before I was ready.”

 

Dick’s fingers traced the lines in his palm, again, and Jason felt his heart stutter.

 

“She couldn’t keep me forever though. And I was just… I was  _ angry _ , Dick. At everyone. I wanted Bruce  _ dead _ and I wanted him to die knowing I  _ hated him _ . I wanted to burn Gotham to the ground with everyone who had ever touched my life in it.”

 

“You’re in the past tense,” Dick noted, and Jason exhaled.

 

“Someone… talked to me. Saw through the  _ anger _ and  _ listened _ . Someone stopped to actually wonder if I was okay…” he shook his head. “I’m  _ not _ , and I know that. But I want to be. I want… I want things to be okay. I don’t want to hate anyone…”

 

“This seems like a good first step.” Dick shifted closer, his thigh pressed tight to Jason. “Jason, none of us ever  _ forgot _ you. I didn’t know what to do with myself, after you died. Bruce didn’t  _ tell _ me, and I lived with so much  _ hate _ that I missed your funeral. That I couldn’t at least be there to give you the goodbye you deserved. I woke up so many damn nights wondering if I could’ve done something… if maybe I had just gotten over myself and dealt with Bruce better, that you would’ve opened up to me. That you would’ve come to  _ me _ and maybe…” Dick sighed. “I wondered if  _ I _ was there, if you would’ve died.” He squeezed Jason’s hand, lifted it, pressed his knuckles to his mouth- and Jason could see the corners of his eyes were wet. “Jason we  _ loved _ you. I  _ love _ you now. You were-  _ are _ my brother.” His lips, on Jason’s knuckles again.

 

Jason’s stomach was flipping, he was almost sick with everything inside him. He had thought Dick lost, for so long. Had forced himself to  _ hate _ the man he wanted to love, he wanted to  _ be _ .

 

“If I had known you were  _ alive _ … I would have gone anywhere to find you. But we… how… I don’t even have words, Jay. Because this can’t be real.”

 

“It is,” Jason admitted. “I’m… sorry, for what I’ve done. For how I came back.”

 

“Forgiven,” Dick said, before Jason could barely finish. “God, burn the fucking world, you’re  _ back _ and I’ll forgive anything you’ve done.” Dick reached out, got his arms back around Jason and pulled him down, against his chest. Jason went with the motion, settled in to where he had once felt so comfortable, as a boy. “Bruce is going to be  _ beside _ himself.”

 

“I’m not ready,” Jason whispered, clutching at one of Dick’s arms, as Dick’s other hand stroked his hair back, played with the white streak in his curls. “I can’t face him. Not… not  _ yet _ , Dick. It took a lot of support for me to see you.”

 

Dick was quiet for a moment. “He mourned so much,” he offered, “for you, Jason. I thought we were going to bury Bruce within a year of losing you. It  _ broke _ him. I think Tim’s one of the only things that held him together.” Jason gripped Dick’s arm, at the sound of his  _ replacement’s _ name. Dick noticed and bent his head, kissed Jason’s hair. “You’re going to love him,” he said, “when you’re ready. Tim looks at you like a  _ god _ , Jason. You have no idea. He never wanted to replace you… he just wanted to be  _ good enough _ .”

 

Jason choked, because,  _ god _ , that was a feeling he could understand. He’d only ever wanted to be good enough, to fill Dick’s place- good enough for Bruce to look at him and  _ smile _ and love him like the damn son he wanted to be.

 

Another kiss to his curls. “I’ll be there, if you want,” Dick said, “Whenever you’re ready. I won’t leave you, little wing. Never again.”

 

Jason exhaled, said softly, “you never left me, Dick.” And it was  _ true _ . So much of him wanted to believe everyone had left him, because it was  _ easier _ to be angry- but he  _ knew _ it wasn’t true. He had to fight through the hot nails digging into his mind, pulling and making him  _ ache  _ to be angry- because he knew it wasn’t true, he knew no one had  _ left _ him. They had mourned, they had  _ hurt _ .

 

They hadn’t  _ known _ he’d lived again.

 

“You can stay with me,” Dick said, moving back to stroking Jason’s hair, “if you want. Wally and I, we’ve got plenty of room.”

 

Jason smiled. “You and Wally…” he trailed off, glanced up, watched the  _ grin _ that spread across Dick’s face.

 

“You know me and redheads.”

 

Jason  _ laughed _ over that, and the way Dick’s face lit up, over hearing his laugh, made Jason feel so warm he could have drowned in the heat.

 

“But really, Jason…you’re welcome. Always.” Jason nodded, glanced back ahead of him, his own smile forming.

 

“Thanks, but… I’m pretty comfortable here.” He felt Dick’s hand pass over his hair again, before Dick was gently guiding him back up, so he could see him properly. “Roy… he’s helped me with so much. I wouldn’t  _ be _ talking to you, if it weren’t for him. And I can’t imagine not having Lian asking me every morning how long breakfast will take.”

 

Dick chuckled at that, leaning his elbow against the back of the couch and resting his cheek against his hand. “She is a wonder,” he said, “I can’t imagine Roy without her, now. It’s good to see you with her again, too…”

 

“Roy told her all about me,” Jason said, “She has a picture of us, in her room. I think… that’s what did it, for me. Roy made sure his daughter  _ knew _ who I was, even if I was only around for a fraction of her life.” He smiled, couldn’t keep the affection from shining in his eyes, the smile from hurting his cheeks. “He’s been good to me.”

 

Dick’s smile grew. “You look like the kid who had a crush on him, all those years ago.” Jason felt a little color in his cheeks, and Dick chuckled. “Don’t think I didn't  _ know _ . You were easy to read, little wing.”

 

“Somethings never change,” Jason admitted, daring, for just a moment, to think of the way Roy’s lips felt against his. What it was like to wake up with his heartbeat, in his ear. “Except I grew up.”

 

Something in his smile, in his tone, had Dick shifting closer, straightening up. “You and Roy…” he trailed off for a second, licked his lips, “are you…”

 

And all Jason could do was shrug a shoulder. There hadn’t been  _ words _ about what this was- but that kiss hadn’t lied, Jason was sure. And he believed Roy, when Roy said he never wanted to miss Jason again.

 

*

 

Roy shifted the bags around his wrists as he headed up the last flight of stairs. He’d wasted as much time as he could, picking up the few odds and ends he could think of. He’d ended up with  _ another _ coloring book for Lian- but it was hard to say no, when she could spend a whole day working on them. Plus, it had  _ dragons _ , and she had been all about dragons lately, and less about princesses.

 

He hit the top of the steps and headed to his apartment, managing to get his key fished out of his pocket. He unlocked the door, shoving it back in as he pushed it open, closing it with his foot. He wasn’t sure what he expected- but the sound of Jason  _ laughing _ from his living room hadn’t exactly been it.

 

“Everyone in one piece?” Roy asked, peeking into his living room. Dick and Jason looked up from the couch, both flashing smiles at him.

 

“Yeah,” Dick said, “Just telling Jason about some of Wally’s  _ finer _ moments.”

 

“Oh god,” Roy said, rolling his eyes and turning, leaving them be. He headed for the kitchen, dropping the bags on the counter and pulling his keys back out, tossing them into the bowl. He considered putting things away, before he shrugged it off and headed back out to the living room. He walked around the couch, gently shoving Jason closer to Dick so he could sit next to him. His thigh pressed right against Jason, who leaned back into him, and Roy, without a second though, wrapped an arm up around his shoulders, leaned his chin onto his shoulder. “So which story? Please tell me I didn't miss the one about him sleepwalking and sleep  _ eating _ two tubs of ice cream.”

 

Jason  _ snorted _ , and Roy noticed that Dick wasn’t laughing. He was  _ studying _ them- the ease with which Jason relaxed into Roy, the fact that they  _ fit _ together.

 

And after a moment, there was the softest of smiles.

 

“No, but I guess that one’s next,” he said, folding his arms.

 

*

 

Dick was still talking, when Wally returned, let himself in, Lian rushing in front of him. She ran right for the voices, pulling herself up onto the couch between Dick and Jason. She crawled right into Jason’s lap, leaning against him to look at her father, who was still settled behind him, still had his arm around Jason.

 

“Daddy I have peanut butter ice cream!” she said, in greeting, and Roy gasped as Jason and Dick both chuckled, Wally walking into the room.

 

“Really? Did you save me  _ any _ ?”

 

“No it would’a melted!” Lian squirmed up towards Jason’s shoulder, and Roy leaned over, started showering her cheeks and nose with kisses.

 

“Well at least you  _ smell _ like peanut butter,” he teased, as Jason got an arm around Lian, kept her from squirming right off the couch onto the floor as she laughed. He glanced in front of him, just in time to see Wally lean over, kiss Dick gently on the mouth- brief, but the kind that left a lingering smile on Dick’s face. “You’re going to have no room for dinner,” Roy said, bringing Jason back. He turned, glanced at Lian, before tugging her down and kissing her cheek.  

 

“She will if I’m cooking,” he said, and Lian nodded excitedly, snuggling right into Jason’s chest happily. He kept her steady, a hand rubbing over her back, glanced up just to see Dick and Wally watching him.

 

“What?” he asked, and Dick simply  _ smiled _ .

 

“Nothing, little wing.” He reached out, gave his knee an affectionate squeeze. “Nothing at all.”

 

*

 

“You’re okay, right?” Roy asked, in the dark of his bedroom. Jason was curled up into him, head by his shoulder, Roy stroking fingers up along his spine. Despite Jason’s tshirt, he wanted to shiver.

 

“Yeah,” he whispered, his hand splayed on Roy’s belly. “It was…  _ good _ to talk to Dick. It felt right.”

 

“And you didn’t want to put a bullet in his head?”

 

Jason chuckled. “No more than I ever did.” Roy snorted, tipping his head back. “He offered to let me stay with him.”

 

“Yeah?” Roy kept his eyes on the ceiling, as Jason curled closer, nuzzled into his neck.

 

“I told him no.” He sighed, the mingling of Roy’s cheap cologne and soap a concoction that could rock him to his core. “That I’m happy here.”

 

Roy smiled at that, felt Jason’s mouth ghosting against his neck. It made his heart jump, for a moment, before it settled back, as Jason’s hand rubbed gently along his abs. Roy could feel his tank top riding up slightly with each movement. “I’m happy with you here,” Roy admitted, reaching his free hand down, covering Jason’s. “But, Jay…” Jason lifted his head, propped himself up on one elbow, so Roy could look at him, see the contours of his face in the dark. “Is this really what you want?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“This, Lian,  _ me _ . You’re still… god you’re still  _ young _ . You’re too young to sign your life away to being a dad, to being tied down to me.”

 

Jason studied him for a minute, and keeping his face completely stoic, said, “I wasn’t aware we were  _ serious _ , Roy.” Roy felt his heart begin to twist, before Jason cracked a grin, and Roy smacked his hand off his belly.

 

“You  _ ass _ ,” he said, as Jason grinned, leaning in, close enough that Roy could  _ just _ feel him breathe.

 

“Had to,” he admitted, “But Roy, I’m not being  _ tied down _ . I’ve loved you for too damn long to walk away from this. And I love Lian- you have no idea. I  _ missed _ her, even when I was angry at everyone else. I want this, I want  _ you _ .” He placed his hand back, needed more contact. “I’m not too young- you don’t get to play that card anymore. I’m making a  _ decision _ Roy. I’m making a choice-”

 

He leaned a little closer, added,

 

“I’m choosing  _ you _ .”

 

And when Jason kissed Roy, Roy knew he  _ meant _ it. Jason’s hand flexed on his belly, fingers digging into his tank top, as he tilted his head, kissed Roy like he had always wanted to. And Roy, he didn’t have to  _ stop _ him, this time. Didn’t have to tell Jason  _ no _ .

 

Maybe he should have, maybe in his gut he wondered if this was really the right path for Jason- but he pushed that all away. He’d loved him for too long,  _ lost him _ for too long, to want to push him away again. He reached up, hooked his arm around Jason’s shoulders, traced the seam of his tongue with his tongue- and when Jason gasped, Roy shivered.

 

He pushed in, was met with warmth, the plush of Jason’s cheeks, the points of his teeth. His tongue shockingly  _ gentle _ when it pushed against Roy’s. Jason made a little sound, pushing himself up more, trying to suck at Roy’s tongue. His kisses were a little clumsy, but Roy  _ loved _ them, was sure he could never get sick of this.

 

Jason’s hand clenched at his tank top, before sliding down, dipping under it to rest against his abs. He felt the muscles  _ flex _ and groaned over that, right into Roy’s mouth as he finally pushed his tongue back, got inside his mouth. Roy reached up with both hands, tangled them in Jason’s hair and tugged, breaking off his mouth and leaned up to kiss at his throat. He sucked at the center, and when Jason  _ whined _ , Roy couldn’t help the way his hips rolled up, slightly. He let his teeth graze the sensitive skin, mouthing lower, felt Jason’s hand sliding down his belly, fingertips slipping just past the waistband of his sweatpants-

 

And,  _ and _ \- “Jay, baby, hold on.” Roy pulled his mouth away from his neck, untangling his hands from Jason’s hair and reaching down for his hand, guiding it back up his stomach. Jason frowned, looked at Roy like something was  _ wrong _ , and Roy just offered him a smile. “How about we slow it down a notch? Hmm?” He leaned back up, pecked his jaw, then his cheek. “How about you come back down here, and I hold you for a bit?”

 

Jason swallowed, but didn’t  _ argue _ . Roy relaxed back into his pillows, and Jason curled back up, against his chest, sighing at the gentle rhythm of Roy’s heartbeat filling his head again.

 

“You’ve been through so much,” Roy offered, “and today… I know it was good, but I’m sure it took a lot out of you. We’ve got other nights.” Jason swallowed, and Roy added, like he just  _ knew _ what was in Jason’s head, “Don’t think I don’t want you, okay? Because, trust me Jaybird,  _ I do _ . But we’ve got time.” He gave him a squeeze with one arm, reaching down to lace his fingers in with Jason’s, with the hand that was settled on his belly.

  
Jason said nothing, let his eyes fall shut. Because Roy was  _ right _ . They had time. They had  _ time _ and Jason trusted that Roy would make sure  _ nothing _ took that away from them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Happy Sunday! I've decided I'll be posting both this (the final chapter) and the epilogue today, as the epilogue is very short, and it seems pointless to have y'all wait until Tuesday for that c:

Jason chuckled, leaning against the counter, Roy’s cell phone pressed up by his cheek. “You put up with this on a daily basis?” he asked, as Dick sighed, exasperated at Wally for probably the third time during their conversation. Over the past few days, since seeing Dick, Jason had spoken with him. Every day.

 

Reconnecting, re _ learning _ . It felt good, felt like he was easing back into his old life. Dick had  _ sworn _ to keep silent to Bruce about all of this, and like Roy keeping Jason’s staying there a secret until he was ready, he believed Dick.

 

“Yeah, the princess is passed out,” Jason said, walking across the kitchen and leaning out the doorway, watching Roy hoist Lian up into his arms. He smiled at Jason, which had Jason’s belly going up tight, before heading out of the room. “I better go. If I don’t kiss her goodnight I swear she  _ knows _ .”

 

He said his goodbyes, ended the call, and left Roy’s phone on the table, before hurrying towards Lian’s room. Roy had just gotten her tucked in when Jason walked in, heading for the bed. He leaned over, as Roy clicked on her nightlight, kissed her forehead.

 

“Sweet dreams darlin’,” he whispered, pulling her teddy bear closer. He felt Roy’s hand, rubbing along his back, and straightened up, smiling at him, before his friend-  _ boyfriend _ Jason corrected- took his hand and led him out, shutting the door behind them. Roy tugged him back towards the living room, flopping down on the couch and pulling Jason down with him. Jason laughed, quiet, as he got his hands on Roy’s shoulders, partially sprawling on him. Roy lost his breath, and Jason stole a kiss, smiling into Roy’s mouth- so much so that it was barely a kiss, and mostly Jason giggling against Roy’s mouth.

 

Roy would take it anyday.

 

Jason didn’t think he’d ever get used to kissing Roy. He was stealing them, every chance he got. The moment they crawled into bed- in the mornings, before Roy’s alarm sounded, and if he wasn’t out of bed within five minutes, Lian was hopping up onto it, complaing that she was going to be  _ late _ .

 

He hadn’t kissed Roy in front of Lian yet, they hadn’t sat her down to try to explain  _ anything _ , but there was always time for that. Jason was happy to take this lazy and slow, over the past week.

 

Except in moments like this, where the giggles against Roy’s mouth turned into little sounds- when Roy got a hand in his hair and on his waist, his tongue in Jason’s mouth and stealing his breath. He was learning how to  _ kiss _ Roy-

 

Because, before Roy, there had been  _ no one _ . No one except one night-

 

“I’m going to bruise your mouth one of these days,” Roy teased, before he nipped at Jason’s lower lip. Jason shuddered, hips rocking forward, dragging along the couch and against Roy’s thigh- and Roy gave a small, breathy groan.

 

“Say things like that,” Jason whispered, feeling his pulse picking up, “and I’ll ask ya to.”

 

Roy laughed, kissed the corner of his mouth, along his jawline. “You wouldn’t have to ask,” Roy pointed out, dipping down to his neck. “Hard enough to keep my hands off you.”

 

Another shudder, and Jason groaned, let his eyelids flutter. He didn’t  _ want  _ Roy to keep his hands off him. God, Roy was his damned teenage  _ wet dream _ , he’d never felt so attracted to someone-

 

“Then don’t,” Jason whispered. The moment he did, he was being shoved back, sliding along the couch until he was pressed up against the other arm. Roy pushed up, straddled one of Jason’s thighs. He leaned over Jason, one hand gripping the arm of the couch, and those green eyes burned like a damned Lazarus fire.

 

“Mean it,” Roy said, leaning so close to Jason’s mouth that Jason could take in his breath.

 

“I do,” Jason said, his voice breaking. “You gave me  _ time _ . You haven’t rushed me, but-  _ let me have this _ .”

 

He’d wanted it for too long. Wanted  _ everything _ with Roy for too long, and there were so many  _ sensations _ he wanted to know what the felt like, caused by someone else-

 

His thoughts cut out when Roy kissed him, crashed their mouths together. Jason groaned, and Roy was all tongue and teeth, driving into him and making him feel delirious. Jason shuddered, felt Roy’s other hand between them- and suddenly he was cupping Jason, through his pajama pants. Jason surged up, mouth and hips, whining, as Roy palmed him carefully. Jason felt his cock throb,  _ pulse _ , and Roy smiled against his mouth.

 

“Fuck, I can feel you getting hard.” Jason shuddered, mouth falling open, and Roy was back, abusing it in the sweetest of ways. His teeth worried Jason’s lower lip until it was sore, as Roy rocked against his thick thigh-

 

And Jason could  _ feel _ him, and god,  _ god _ , he didn’t- didn’t know- but  _ wanted _ -

 

“I haven’t done this,” Jason admitted, between kisses, as Roy’s hand moved from his groin up to his stomach, pushing his tshirt up. It froze, and Roy pulled back, staring down at him with eyes having gone wide.

 

“You haven’t-  _ oh shit _ .” Roy swallowed, his voice a little strained. “God, I didn’t even think…”

 

“Not a lot of time for  _ sex _ when you’re galavanting around the world, learning how to destroy it,” Jason managed- and Roy leaned further back. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want it, Roy.  _ I do _ .” He leaned up, turned and kissed Roy’s bicep, one of the redhead’s hands still gripping the couch arm. “I’ve thought about you since I was a teenager.”

 

“You still  _ are _ , technically.”

 

Jason chuckled. “Easy to forget. Seen enough shit I feel  _ ancient _ .” It was true, down to Jason’s core. “Really gonna turn me down,  _ Roytoy _ ?” Roy shuddered over that, and Jason realized he had some power here.

 

It made him dizzy.

 

“No,” Roy admitted, leaning back down, kissing Jason’s temple. “I’m not a fuckin’ saint, and you’re  _ gorgeous _ . We’ll go slow-”

 

“I’m not  _ that _ much of a virgin,” Jason said, frowning. “I had sex  _ once _ .”

 

“Mhm. With who?” Roy bent lower, pressed his mouth to Jason’s neck. Jason shivered, let his eyes fall shut.

 

“Talia.”

 

Roy was straightening right back up again. “No  _ shit _ Jay.” Jason sighed, cracked his eyes back open, frowned.

 

“I  _ did _ . But it wasn’t… I don’t know. It was like a blur. And it was  _ once _ . Now… can we not talk about other people? WOuldn’t want you getting other  _ ideas _ .” Jason smirked, and Roy leaned back down, pecked his lips.

 

“Trust me,” he murmured, “there’s only  _ you _ in my head, Jason.” He kissed him, slower now, his hand tugging at the waistband of his pajama pants. Jason shifted, lifted his hips, let Roy tug them apart way down his thighs- and then there was his hand, cupping him through just his boxer briefs, squeezing him in all the right ways. Jason gasped, got his hands on Roy’s biceps and squeezed, turning away from the kiss so that he could  _ breathe _ . “Okay?” Roy asked, rubbing his thumb over the shape of Jason’s cockhead. There was a damp spot, growing from the precum he was leaking.

 

“God yeah,” Jason breathed, still holding onto Roy’s biceps. He bucked up, and Roy chuckled.

 

“You sure? Because it feels like you might crush my bones Jay.” Jason flushed, loosening his grip, and Roy leaned back in, kissed at his neck as he got a hold of Jason’s underwear now. It took a moment longer of maneuvering, but they joined Jason’s pants, around his thighs, his cock springing free to brush against his belly. Roy glanced down, still mouthing at Jason’s neck, and Jason could  _ feel _ him exhale. “Oh,  _ Jay _ .”

 

“What?” he managed, eyes half lidded, cheeks  _ burning _ . He was so damn  _ exposed _ and Roy was  _ looking _ at him-

 

He’d dreamt about this for  _ years _ .

 

“You’re so  _ pretty _ .” Jason sucked on his lip,  _ whined _ out a  _ no _ , but Roy was reaching down, wrapping his hand around him. “Fuck baby, look how thick you are.”

 

“ _ Roy _ .” Jason shook his head, as Roy slowly stroked his hand up. It felt so  _ different _ from his own touch- and he could barely  _ remember _ sex with Talia, it had been a blur of just  _ needing _ something-

 

He could barely  _ breathe _ .

 

“God Jason, you have such a pretty cock.” Jason shuddered over that, a wave of precum leaking out, dripping down over Roy’s knuckles. Roy smirked, got his fist settled just below the head and rubbed his thumb up, teasing Jason’s slit. “You like when I tell you that?”

 

Jason swallowed thickly, nodded, as Roy placed one gentle kiss to his neck again, before easing up up to his jaw, towards his mouth. His hand slid back down, began a slow but steady rhythm, the kind that had Jason’s hips rocking up, each time.

 

He felt utterly out of his skin. This was Roy- kissing him now, pushing back into his mouth. This was Roy  _ touching _ him in ways he had only dreamed of. Roy, acting like Jason was gorgeous and he  _ wanted _ him.

 

It was too much, and the coils in Jason’s belly were so  _ tight _ they hurt.

 

“Roy,” he moaned, felt like he could only say his name. It was muffled, with Roy’s tongue exploring his mouth again, but the redhead eased back, squeezing the base of his cock.

 

“Yeah baby? Everything okay?”

 

Jason bit at his lip, nodded, arching a little. “I- I just- feels like…” he groaned, and Roy leaned back, supported himself so he could push Jason’s tshirt up to rest at his ribs.

 

“It’s okay if you’re already there,” Roy whispered, stroking a little faster now. “It’s  _ okay _ . I just want you to feel good.” Jason continued to worry about his lip, hips rocking up- until his mouth fell open and he gave a little cry, when Roy twisted his fist around the head. Roy leaned in, kissed him again. “Shhh baby,” he whispered, kissing at Jason’s slack mouth. “We have to be a little  _ quiet _ .”

 

Jason tried to nod, tried to kiss Roy, but he couldn’t even  _ think _ . The pressure at the base of his spine was driving him wild- his balls were so tight they ached, and Roy’s hand was stroking even faster now, seeking his orgasm just as badly as Jason was. He was almost glad when Roy’s mouth sealed over his again, kissed and  _ kissed _ so muffle all the moans he kept giving.

 

When Jason came, when that knot in him got so tight it  _ snapped _ , he cried into Roy’s mouth, his eyes squeezing shut. He could feel the corners going wet, and was  _ glad _ the tears stopped there- had too many memories of feeling  _ too good _ , alone as a teenager, and ending up with soaked cheeks. He was trembling, felt the sticky stains of cum up along his belly- but Roy was still  _ kissing _ him, smiling against his mouth.

 

“That’s it Jay,” he whispered,  _ still _ stroking him. Jason shivered, body clenching again, a final rush of cum dripping over Roy’s knuckles. His strokes slowed then- stopped, when Jason tipped his head back, grey eyes glossy, mouth curved in the faintest of smiles. Roy kissed his cheek, was smiling more, before he straightened up. Jason caught a glimpse of him lifting his hand, looking it in the lack of light, before he was licking up along the side.

 

Jason groaned, dropped his head back completely, and Roy groaned. “ _ Fuck _ I can't wait to have you come in my mouth.”

 

“Jesus fuck,” Jason mumbled, reaching up to rub his hand along his face. “You’re going to kill me.” He pushed himself up a little, just as Roy slid back, leaned over- and that was his tongue, tracing along Jason’s abs, lapping up the mess he’d helped cause. Jason gave a sharp gasp, stared down. Roy glanced up, once he’d licked Jason clean, and- holding Jason’s stare- licked at the head of his softening cock. Jason’s eyes went wide, hips jerking up so hard Roy was pushed up as well, and he started  _ laughing _ .

 

“Sorry,” he said, pulling away and grasping Jason’s clothing, helping to pull it all back up. “Couldn’t help it. Too much?”

 

“For… now,” Jason admitted, trying to catch his breath.

 

“You’ve really never had someone touch you before?”

 

Jason nodded. “Like I said… Talia and I… but it was  _ once _ . And it just… I don’t know. I only remember bits. It felt like it wasn’t  _ physical _ , like we just… needed something.” He shrugged a shoulder, and Roy nodded. “Either way, doesn’t matter  _ now _ .” Jason managed a grin, even as the flush to his cheeks remained. “Sorry that I, uh…”

 

“It’s fine. Pretty sure my first handjob I came in like twenty seconds flat.” Roy flopped back, sprawling slightly on the couch. “Trust me, it’ll last longer the more I do it.”

 

“That a challenge or a promise?”

 

Roy’s grin was pure  _ sin _ . “Both.” Jason shuddered again, could still hear his pulse hammering in his head. He was itching for  _ something _ , still- but he knew if Roy touched him again he’d probably end up screaming, waking the damn  _ dead _ . His nerves needed a minute to recompose themselves, but-

 

Jason let his eyes drag along Roy, before he smirked. It must have shown some sort of pseudo  _ confidence _ , because Roy was quirking up a brow as Jason pushed up, slid right off the couch and got on his knees, between it and the coffee table.

 

“Jay?”

 

“Did it work you up?” Jason asked, leaning over Roy and getting his hands on his thighs. “Getting me off?” It took every ounce of strength to keep his voice from wavering, but it  _ worked _ . Roy swallowed thickly, nodded, and Jason’s hands moved up to the juncture of his thighs, squeezed- thumbs pushing in, showing off the obvious shape of Roy’s cock. “Maybe I can do something about that.”

 

“Jason, you don’t have to-” Jason snapped his head up, looking at Roy with eyes that were  _ buzzing _ .

 

“Want to,” he managed, thumbs dragging up along the shape of Roy’s cock. The redhead lifted his hips, shifting so he was turned more directly towards Jason, boxing him in with his legs. “Just tell me  _ how _ .”

 

Roy  _ groaned _ over that. “That’s hot,” he said, as he reached down, grasped the waistband of his sweatpants and underwear, “god, Jay,  _ that’s so fucking hot _ .” He lifted his hips, tugging everything down, just under the curve of his ass, his cock springing free, bobbing up and almost brushing Jason’s mouth. Jason’s cheeks flushed, as Roy reached for him, stroked along his cheeks. “You sure?” Jason nodded, trying to surprise the fact that he’d  _ jerked off _ to the mere  _ idea _ of blowing Roy so many times, years ago.

 

Trying to process it was going to  _ happen _ , all in the post-orgasmic buzz caused by the same damn man that was going to pull his sanity apart.

 

Jason leaned forward, gently kissed the head of Roy’s cock, and Roy exhaled. “Tease me a little,” he whispered, one hand stroking through Jason’s curls, couldn’t stop  _ touching _ him. Jason nearly purred, lips moving down along his shaft, until he hit the ginger curls at the base. He glanced back up, and Roy was  _ watching _ him, hair falling into his face.

 

“Okay?” he managed to ask, leaving another opened mouth kiss against the warm, hard flesh. Roy swallowed, nodded, and Jason mouthed back up, paused at the head before he let his tongue lap out, swiping away the precum beginning to bead there. Roy shivered at the warm, wet touch, and Jason smiled, felt  _ good _ about causing it. He pressed his tongue flat to the underside of the head, lapped slowly, and Roy smirked.

 

“Babe, you don’t  _ need _ my help,” he said, and Jason broke away to laugh. Roy’s smirk turned to a grin, and his hand in Jason’s hair moved down to his chin, pinched it tightly and held him steady. “Open your mouth,” he said, getting a hand around his cock, stroking himself once, more precum beading up along his head now. Jason listened, parted his lips, and Roy rubbed his cockhead against them, smeared them wet before guiding it into Jason’s mouth. Jason groaned, tongue pinned down, as he leaned forward, took a little more. Roy eased his own hand off his cock, Jason’s replacing it, his other hand moving back to Jason’s hair-

 

After pausing to stroke one warm cheek.

 

Jason eased down, until his lips met his own fist, then eased back, all in unison. He didn’t dare take too much- didn’t want to choke, to  _ ruin this _ \- but Roy’s thighs trembled just over that.

 

“Shit, that’s good Jay,” he said, fingers tangling in his hair now. Jason wanted to smile, but a full mouth didn’t allow for that- and settled for humming his approval, which had Roy  _ moaning _ . He set back to moving, rhythm slow to start but  _ steady _ , had Roy resisting so hard to meet each movement with a rise of his own hips. He kept  _ talking _ , Jason’s name over and over again, little praises that had Jason’s belly gone to butterflies- those fingers in his hair  _ pulling _ when Jason’s tongue would move, making his scalp sting and his cock when Roy’s hand, all over again.

 

Jason’s jaw began to ache, but he didn’t want to  _ stop _ . He could feel Roy’s cock throbbing against his tongue, and he wanted to be the cause of all that  _ good _ Roy had caused in him. He tried to ease down a little more, but didn’t quite get his mouth wide enough, heard Roy  _ hiss _ , and then he was pulling back, coughing over nearly choking.

 

“Sorry,” Jason mumbled, and Roy’s hand moved from his hair down to his chin, tilting his head up, rubbing his thumb along his swollen lower lip.

 

“S’okay,” Roy managed, his breathing rushed. “Teeth just aren’t fun.” He cracked a joking smile. “You can stop-”

 

“I want you to come,” Jason said, and Roy groaned, forcing Jason’s mouth open again and pushing right back in. Jason’s eyes went a little wide- but god, the  _ forcefulness _ had his hips rocking, his cock half hard. He grabbed at Roy’s thighs, leaning over him and telling himself he could  _ do this _ , as Roy got both hands in his hair, hips rising and pushing well past Jason’s tongue.

 

The new angle made it easier for Jason to swallow him, and he didn’t choke this time, as Roy sighed, blissfully, half fucking Jason’s mouth as Jason’s head bobbed.

 

“Fuckin’ god Jay baby,  _ like that _ .” Jason whined, couldn’t care less about how vulnerable that sound made him seem, as he tried to meet each of Roy’s thrusts. “You’re gonna make me come,” Roy panted, and Jason squeezed his thighs so tightly he threatened to leave bruises behind. Roy tugged at his hair, pulling until Jason’s scalp  _ burned _ , when he let out a long groan, hips rising and stilling.

 

There was a flood of liquid  _ fire _ in Jason’s mouth, bitter over his tongue. He swallowed, trying to keep from choking- but not pulling off as Roy’s cock pulsed, his thighs trembling through his orgasm. He swallowed again, finally pulled off and gulped down a breath, as Roy’s fingers began to relax in his hair. Jason eased off his cock, looked up at him-

 

And Roy was  _ smiling _ at him. A little disheveled, his breaths coming quickly still, but  _ smiling _ . He doubled over, hand moving to cup the back of Jason’s neck, kissed him slowly. His tongue traced Jason’s now tender lips, pushing in carefully, licking  _ himself _ from his mouth, and Jason clutched at Roy’s thighs like he might fall off the edge of the world.

 

“You’re so good, Jason,” he whispered, and Jason floundered, swallowed air and didn’t know what to  _ say _ .

 

Because that was all he wanted, he wanted to be  _ good _ for someone. To someone.

 

He felt his eyes beginning to burn and squeezed them shut, shaking his head a little. Roy’s fingertips played with the ends of his curls. “No? Baby, you’re  _ perfect. _ Jay. Jay, open your eyes.” Jason dared to, for a moment say nothing but a film of water, before it spilled over his lashes, down his cheeks, navigating over freckles. “Jason don’t  _ cry _ .” Roy moved, got both his hands to cup Jason’s face, stroking over his wet cheeks. “Babe.” He kissed the bridge of Jason’s nose. “Come up here.”

 

He pulled back, and Jason stood up, feeling shaky on his legs. Roy took a second to pull his clothing back into place, as Jason crawled onto the couch- before Roy was pulling him into his lap. Jason curled there, as Roy got his arms around him, kissed his shoulder.

 

“Talk to me,” Roy said, softly, rubbing Jason’s back. “What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s not… wrong,” he admitted, blinking, hating the feeling of tears on his cheeks, hating that something had made him  _ cry _ like he was a child again. “Just… I just want to be  _ good _ for you.” He looked at Roy desperately, and Roy smiled, pulling him in and pressing his forehead to Jason’s.

 

“Jaybird, you have no idea how perfect you are.” He smiled, and it was a little shaky. “You have no idea what you make my heart  _ do _ . What it’s always done around you, even when I couldn’t admit it. You’re amazing.” He pulled back to kiss Jason’s cheek. “I love you, Jason. You’re perfect in my life.” Another kiss. “Perfect for my  _ daughter _ .”

 

A kiss to the other cheek.

 

“Perfect for  _ me _ .”

 

A peck to his lips, and Jason’s mouth was curling into a smile.

 

“And trust me, for a novice-  _ damn perfect _ with your mouth.”

 

Jason sputtered, laughed so hard his eyes nearly shut, and Roy  _ grinned _ . He reached up, rubbed his thumbs out from the corners of Jason’s eyes, along the creases that had appeared.

 

“I told you,” he whispered, “One day, you’d be happy, and I’d see you  _ laugh _ and see these lines again.” Jason’s laughter slowed, and Roy’s smile was brimming with so much love, Jason swore his heart stopped. “I never dreamed you’d be happy with  _ me _ .”

 

He leaned back in, gently kissed Jason’s mouth, and when he pulled back, Jason managed, in a voice a little hoarse, shaking slightly,

 

“I  _ always _ dreamed it’d be with you.”

 

*

 

Jason heard Roy’s phone vibrating on his nightstand, chiming at them  _ indignantly _ . He groaned, pushed his face more into Roy’s chest, reaching over him blindly, trying to reach it.

 

“Roy, get up,” Jason mumbled, fingers grazing the phone but not quite reaching. He pushed himself half way onto his boyfriend, and Roy’s breath was forced out as he cracked his eyes open.

 

“Kinda hard when you’re  _ on top of me _ , babe.” Jason rolled his eyes, grabbed the phone and shut it off, before he flopped back down, pressing his cheek to Roy’s bare shoulder. “Not helping Jay.”

 

“Mhm, I know.” He squirmed a little, turned so he could kiss one of the many patches of freckles on Roy’s body. Roy smiled, rubbed along Jason’s back, over scars the pit had never healed, down to the waistband of his pajama pants. Jason smiled, lifted his hips- and Roy got a hand on his ass, squeezing and earning himself a breathy laugh. Jason was still chuckling when he kissed Roy, slow and lazy, still high in his mind from the night before, from all those  _ touches _ and Roy’s  _ reassurance _ .

 

“Daddy! Jayjay! I’m gonna be late!” Lian was throwing the bedroom door opened as she yelled. Jason jerked back, turning his head and looking at the door, as Roy turned as well, his hand falling away from Jason’s ass. Lian inclined her head, squinting a little. “Whatcha doin’?”

 

“Uh, nothing pumpkin,” Roy said, as Jason pushed himself up, straddled one of Roy’s thighs. “Go on to your room and I’ll come help you get dressed for school, okay?”

 

Lian frowned like she didn’t believe him, but turned, heading back to her room. Roy turned to look back up at Jason, who scrubbed a hand up over his face. “Sorry,” Jason mumbled, “Should’ve known better.”

 

“What? To not possibly try to start something in the morning?” Roy flashed a grin, cocky and lazy, and Jason’s belly was diluting so fast. “I can start setting my alarm a little  _ earlier _ if you want, Jaybird.”

 

Jason felt a little heat in his cheeks, but had to  _ smile _ . “Don’t tempt me. I could use the practice.” He winked, and Roy sputtered, as Jason climbed off the bed. Roy shot up, hooked an arm around his waist and pulled him back, pressing right up against his ass.

 

“You’re the devil, Jason Todd,” Roy breathed, into his ear, “virgin be  _ damned _ , you know how to wreck me.”

 

Jason said nothing,  _ couldn’t _ with his heart hammering in his throat, with the way his cock jumped. But Roy was pulling away all too soon, grabbing a shirt up off the floor and tugging it on, just as Lian started to yell for him again.

 

*

 

“What’s wrong with the blue shoes?” Roy asked, holding up Lian’s shoes. She shook her head, folding her arms and pouting.

 

“They’re  _ ugly _ .” Roy sighed, setting them back down.

 

“You liked them when I bought them, princess.” Lian said nothing, and Roy pulled the bin out from under her bed, pulling out a little pair of pink boots. “Pink then?” Lian nodded, hoisting herself up onto her bed and sticking her legs out, so Roy could slip them on over her little polka dot leggings.

 

“Daddy?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you like Jayjay?”

 

Roy looked up as he adjusted the first boot, before Lian dropped that leg, straightening out the other. “‘Course I like Jayjay, you know that.”

 

Lian scrunched up her face, like she was thinking. “But do you  _ like _ him?”

 

Roy got her boot on, paused at the zipper. “What do you mean?”

 

“Like the kids in my class, like their daddies like their mommies.” Roy zipped her boot up, and Lian dropped her leg down.

 

Roy reached out, brushed some of her hair back. It wasn’t done yet- they had discovered the other day that apparently  _ Jason _ breaded better than Roy did- and Lian was now convinced  _ he _ had to do her hair. “Lian, sweetie- remember all those stories I told you about Jason?” Lian nodded. “Remember how I told you he loved you very much?” Another nod. “Well, daddy has loved him for a very long time. I like him  _ exactly _ like that. And he loves me too. And he still loves you.”

 

Lian nodded, and Roy gave her arms a little squeeze.

 

“Do you have questions pumpkin?”

 

She hesitated, and Roy  _ knew _ her thinking face. He didn’t push, let her take as long as she needed to. “Is Jayjay my new daddy?”

 

Roy laughed over that. “You know sweetheart, he is. Think you can handle having the  _ old _ one hang around too?” Lian nodded, reaching out and wrapping her arms around Roy’s neck. He squeezed her back, before jerking his head towards the doorway. “Now go get your breakfast, I bet Jason made something delicious  _ like always _ .”

 

Lian was up and running, and from the kitchen, Roy heard her yelling  _ Jayjay _ , over and over again. He stood up, walked towards the kitchen, got to the doorway just in time to see Jason setting a plate down in front of her chair, before hoisting her up and kissing her cheek.

 

“What what  _ what _ buttercup?”

 

“Daddy says you’re my new daddy!” She threw her arms around his neck, hugging tightly- and Roy watched Jason’s eyes go a little wide, before he hugged her back, his cheek resting against her hair.

 

And in  _ that _ exact moment, Roy didn’t have a doubt, everything would work out.

 

*

 

Jason wrung his hands together, one foot tapping as Roy’s car pulled along the curved drive Jason remembered from childhood. The Manor loomed like a haunting ghost, endlessly tall and wide, a  _ wall of sorts _ , keeping the demons at bay behind it.

 

Roy slowed the car to a stop, tossed it in park- but didn’t kill the engine. He glanced over at Jason, reached out and placed his hand atop of both of his. “Hey,” he said, and Jason dragged his eyes up to Roy’s. “You’re okay. This… it’s going to be good.”

 

Jason swallowed. There was a writhing  _ thing _ in his gut, an anger, a need for destruction- mostly of the  _ self _ \- the desire to place the blame on  _ everyone _ so it was easier to take what he felt was due to him. The thing that made him want Bruce to  _ bleed _ , to hate and to  _ feel _ everything Jason had felt, when he was ripped from the pit.

 

Roy squeezed his hands. “You’ll see. If you can give him the chance to  _ talk _ , Jay, you’ll see how much he hurt for you. But if you’re not ready-”

 

“No,” Jason croaked, before he cleared his throat. “No… it has to be now.”

 

Because if Jason kept waiting, he’d never do this. He’d fall back into the hate that threatened to consume, if he didn’t find closure. Or worse, he’d  _ disappear _ completely.

 

Roy nodded, pulled his hand back and killed the engine. Jason opened his door, climbing out, leaning against it to just study the Manor again. So many damn memories, trying to flood his mind, cloud him in nostalgia like a well worn blanket- something to protect him, keep him safe.

 

But he had to be  _ raw _ , or he wouldn’t get what he needed.

 

“The first time I saw this place,” Jason said, still staring, as Roy walked around the front of the car, “I thought it was a castle. I knew that was  _ silly _ , and I’d seen way bigger buildings in the city… but I was convinced Bruce was a king, and this was his kingdom. Or better yet… a  _ god _ , and this was his temple.” Jason sighed, let his eyes drop down to Roy. “I barely slept at first because I didn’t know how I’d ever prove himself  _ enough _ to even deserve to look at it.”

 

He slammed his door shut, walking up to his boyfriend, and Roy took his hand, lacing their fingers together.

 

“Jay,” he said, smoothly,  _ calmly _ , “you’ll always be enough.”

 

Jason didn’t say a word, let Roy lead him down the drive, up the wide set steps. Roy was the one to ring the bell, Jason hovering a step back, squeezing his fingers.

 

When the door opened, Jason felt, for just a single moment, all the rage in him  _ gone _ . Couldn’t find a single thing to hate when Alfred’s aged eyes met his, and the man’s composure utterly  _ disappeared _ as his mouth opened in awe.

 

“Hey Alf,” Jason managed, as the butler left the door wide open, taking a step outside.

 

“Master Jason… it truly  _ is _ you.” Jason cracked a nervous smile, and Roy stepped aside, so Alfred could look him over. “You have gotten so… tall.”

 

Jason  _ laughed _ over that, let go of Roy’s hand so he could reach out, get his arms around Alfred. Because in all his rage filled days, nights,  _ seconds _ -

 

It had never been for this man.

 

Alfred felt small,  _ brittle _ , in his arms- and yet, his bones were iron. It was just a  _ law _ Jason had accepted- that Alfred would outlive them all. He’d  _ have _ to. Because he couldn’t imagine a world without him.

 

Alfred’s embraced was tight, and when he leaned back, looked up at Jason, those eyes that had seen so much, so many years, threatened to spill tears. “It is good to have you back with us,” Alfred admitted, and there was a waver to his voice that Jason wasn’t sure he’d ever heard.

 

He could only smile.

 

Alfred led them inside, through the entrance foyer that Jason remembered running through, after school. Up the stairs he used to  _ jump _ to take two at a time, when he couldn’t wait to get to the new books Alfred had brought him- or when he knew Bruce was in his study, was already  _ home _ and he’d get to see him before patrol. Through the halls that were ghostly hollow veins, laced with memories that were poison like heroin.

 

Past a door to a room that Jason knew, without seeing, had barely been touched in four years.

 

“He is in his study,” Alfred said, “he’s… been waiting.” Jason nodded, glanced over at Roy, who leaned in, kissed his cheek, splayed a hand low on his back.

 

“I’ll be here,” he promised, “ _ right _ out here. When you need me.” Jason nodded, took a step away from Roy- two, three,  _ four _ -

 

Paused at the old wood doors that somehow seemed just as towering as they had when he was a kid. He took a deep breath, before he wrapped his knuckles against one. Bruce’s voice was muffled through it, softer than Jason expected, but he could just make it out.

 

He reached for the knob, grasped it and simply  _ held _ for a second. This was his last moment, his last chance to go  _ back _ . To admit he wasn’t ready, he’d never be ready, that he couldn’t  _ do _ this-

 

Jason turned it, pushed the door open and stepped in, suffocated every doubt as he let the door close heavy behind him.

 

Bruce was sitting across the room, at his desk, hands folded together. Laptop closed, pushed aside, tablet forgotten. Papers, ignored. He looked as if he could have been staring at the door for  _ hours _ .

 

Jason didn’t move, under that stare. Hard blue eyes, darker than he remembered, now that he could see without Bruce’s mask. Like the color had slowly muddled, over the years. He swallowed, thickly, watched as Bruce pushed his chair back, stood slowly. He looked endlessly large, as he walked around the desk, kept a hand on it, trailing slowly.

 

Bruce Wayne would  _ always _ be bigger than Batman.

 

“Jason,” he said, slowly, like he was tasting the name for the first time. Jason let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding- lifted his chin slowly and told himself to be  _ just as big _ .

 

“In the flesh, B,” he managed, concentrating on each word to keep his voice from wavering. Bruce took another step, to the end of his desk.

 

“Come here.”

 

It took Jason a moment to get his feet to move, his legs to listen. Each step felt like he was crossing oceans, leaping gorges towards some high standing unknown. He paused, a step from Bruce, watched the man’s eyes flick along him,  _ really seeing _ him for the first time.

 

And then, after what felt like years of silence, in a voice that wasn’t anything like the Bat, and was everything like the father who had lost and mourned, “ _ You’ve grown _ .” Bruce reached out, his hand hovered, flinching, and Jason reached up, grasped it, pushed it against his cheek and wanted to nuzzle his palm, get lost in the cologne Bruce  _ still _ wore- wanted to forget every bit of anger he had ever felt.

 

Because he was  _ home _ , and he was looking at the father he  _ deserved _ , for just a moment.

 

Bruce lifted his other hand from the desk, pulled Jason in, got his arms around him- and he was  _ vulnerable _ . With all the hell Jason had raised in Gotham, since his return, he could have gutted Bruce on the spot- could have ripped him to piece in any number of ways, within that single motion-

 

And yet, he didn’t.

 

He fell into the embrace and clung to Bruce like a scared boy, with a bomb ticking in his head. And when he exhaled, when it was a  _ shudder _ , Jason didn’t even bother to lie to himself.

 

He wanted to sob, to scream, to beg Bruce to love him again.

 

“You came back to me,” Bruce murmured, got a hand on the back of Jason’s neck, was studying his face, taking in all the changes time had brought. “Look at you.”

 

“Sight for sore eyes,” Jason teased, as his eyes began to sting. Bruce only shook his head. “Shouldn’t be you lecturing me, B?”

 

Another shake of his head. “You know what you’ve done.” He guided Jason’s head down, and Jason rested against his shoulder, relaxed in a way he hadn’t expected to  _ ever _ again, in Bruce’s arms. “You’re showing me who you really are, Jason. And it’s not that.” Bruce paused, exhaled. “Talk to me.”

 

Bruce wanting to  _ talk _ made Jason wonder if the world was ending.

 

But when Jason didn’t speak up, Bruce took up the words himself. “A day didn’t go bye that I didn’t miss you, Jason. That I didn’t  _ mourn you _ . That I didn’t blame myself, for what happened to you. Your suit… it’s a memorial and a ghost. I couldn’t ever let what happened to you happen to anyone, again.”

 

“You replaced me,” Jason whispered, and Bruce’s arms  _ tightened _ .

 

“There was never a way to replace you, Jay.” Jason choked. “Just like you didn’t replace Dick. You were unique,  _ Tim _ is unique. He wasn’t ever meant to replace you, Jason.  _ No one can replace you _ .” Jason lifted his head, needed to see Bruce’s eyes- and the  _ storm _ in them, the utter turmoil.

 

Because he must have  _ known _ what Jason was going to say, next.

 

“You didn’t  _ do _ anything about my death,” he said, and the anger- it was  _ anguish _ now. Pain, agony, in the hollows of his bones. “The Joker is  _ alive _ and in  _ Arkham _ . Who the hell stays in Arkham for more than a stint? He shouldn’t be  _ alive _ Bruce. He should’ve been buried with me.” Jason pulled back, broke the contact. “Bury all your demons in one grave, save yourself the backache of digging two.”

 

“You were  _ never _ my demon. Even now,” Bruce shook his head. “You were-  _ are _ my  _ son _ , Jason. That doesn’t change. You’re a  _ man _ and you can learn, change- it doesn't have to be like… like that. What it  _ was _ .”

 

The fire and brimstone and utter  _ hellish hate _ when Jason first returned to Gotham.

 

“Let me make it right,” Bruce said, “Let me be there for you now. I wasn’t, before. And I have to live with that- but let me  _ try _ to make amends.”

 

“You won’t kill him,” Jason said, keeping his stare level with Bruce.

 

“No.” There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. “I thought about it- plenty of times. I thought about getting my hands around the Joker’s neck and wringing the life out of him, for ever touching you. Thought about pulling him apart with my bare hands, just to hear him scream.”

 

Jason swallowed. “I’m not asking you to kill just  _ anyone _ ,” he pointed out, “not Crane or anyone like that. I’m just asking for  _ him _ to be gone- because he took me from you.”

 

“I know,” Bruce said, voice  _ soft _ , not exactly a whisper but so  _ close _ . “I know, Jay. And I  _ wish _ I could give you that. But I  _ can’t _ . Because if I break once… if I give in. I might never stop.” Bruce looked down at his hands. “You don’t know how much I  _ broke _ when I lost you, Jason.”

 

Jason didn’t ask him to specify, if he meant how much  _ he broke _ those around him- or how much broke  _ inside _ him. Knew it was  _ both _ .

 

“I should be dead,” Bruce admitted, “with how I was. I should’ve been buried next to you. I think… no, I  _ know _ , that’s what a part of me wanted. To be in that grave with you.” Jason swallowed thickly, and Bruce’s voice was so  _ broken _ . “You don’t know how much I loved you, Jason.”

 

“I do,” Jason offered, as much as speaking hurt his chest, his lungs, his throat. “I died knowing you  _ loved me _ , Bruce. I didn’t question that. I did’t blame you  _ then _ . I died wishing I could’ve saved everyone, I died angry at myself for  _ not _ \- but I didn’t die ever doubting you loved me.”

 

This time,  _ Jason _ was the one that pulled Bruce into an embrace.

 

“I loved you,” Jason whispered, “I wanted to be enough, for you. To make you  _ proud _ .”

 

“You always did.” It was mumbled, into his hair, as Bruce kissed gently, squeezed his eyes shut. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son.” Jason blinked back the tears, as he leaned back enough for Bruce to get his hands up on his face, cup his cheeks. “I want you to be my family again, Jason.”

 

Jason reached up, got his hands around Bruce’s wrists- but when he squeezed, it was subtle,  _ comforting _ . “I want to  _ be _ family. I want you back in my life. I… I wouldn’t be here, if I didn’t. I want you to do  _ so much _ still… but I am  _ trying _ to see the reason beyond that, trying to see why you  _ can’t _ .”

 

“I’ll help you see, everyday,” Bruce promised. And then, “You’ve got a support system, Jason. I know you’ve seen Dick. I know… where you are. Who you’re with.” For a moment, Jason was braced for  _ judgement _ , but Bruce’s smile was genuine. “You always fancied him.”

 

That had Jason  _ laughing _ . And when he did, Bruce’s face lit up like he had found god, in that sound. “ _ Fancied _ ? Really B?” Bruce pulled back, shrugged a shoulder, and Jason folded his own arms. “... You’re not wrong, though. Roy… listened, when I needed someone to. I could have burned this city until the smoke killed me  _ again _ , if he hadn’t stopped to just… ask me if I was okay. Give me a chance.”

 

Bruce nodded. “As long as you’re happy, Jason. That’s all I care about.”

 

Jason smiled, slowly. Knew that he was  _ definitely _ happy, when it came to the new family he was forging.

 

*

 

“Just take a deep breath, Master Timothy,” Alfred said, brushing at the teen’s shoulders. Roy watched, arms folded, closer to the doors. Not listening, because this was  _ private _ , between Jason and Bruce- but on alert, should the muffled voices suddenly become  _ chaotic _ . “Everything will be fine.”

 

“If you say so, Alfred.” The kid glanced at Roy, who offered him a smile. He’d seen him grow, over the past few years, and he  _ liked _ this kid. He was smart, he was  _ driven _ -

 

He was as broken as every little bird the Bat had ever taken in. But he was mending- Roy hoped, at least.

 

But he also  _ knew _ the rage Jason came back to this city with- and knew that plenty of it was directed at  _ him _ . And staring at those doors, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, Tim Drake looked so small- ready to stare at greatness with awe and  _ fear _ and desperation.

 

He just wanted approval. In ways,  _ he was so like Jason _ , and it blew Roy’s mind.

 

Roy turned when the door hand knob began to jostle- and the door was opening. Bruce stepped out first, stepping aside and keeping it open, as Jason followed. He glanced at Roy, gave his boyfriend the smallest of smiles- before he turned, stared at the kid just in front of Alfred.

 

“Jason,” Bruce said, but Jason simply walked past him, heavy, long strides right towards Tim. To Tim’s credit, he didn’t flinch, kept almost perfectly still, crystalline eyes studying each twitch of Jason’s muscles. He paused in front of Tim, folded his arms over his chest.

 

“Replacement’s kind of small,” he said, inclining his head slightly- and Roy exhaled, because it was a  _ joke _ , and even if he couldn’t see Jason, he was sure there was a quirk, at the corner of his mouth.

 

Tim frowned, but the endearing kind. “You were small once,” he said, “I’ve seen your suit.” Jason’s smile grew, and Tim’s cheeks tinged a little. “You seemed bigger back then, tho,” he added, mumbling, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “It’s… it’s uh…  _ awesome to meet you holy shit _ .” The last bit came out in a rush, and Jason’s eyes widened a little as the kid’s controlled expression  _ broke _ .

 

There was  _ wonder in his eyes _ .

 

“Not sure I’d go with  _ awesome _ ,” Jason said, but Tim shook his head.

 

“No  _ way _ . I  _ saw _ you as Robin. You were so cool- you have no  _ idea _ how hard it is to try and be half that good.” More color to his cheeks, and Tim glanced down, looked the perfect part of the nervous fifteen year old.

 

He was Jason, in a way that made Roy’s stomach ache.

 

“I’m Tim,” he said, offering up his hand. Jason looked at it for a moment, before he unfolded his arms, took it in his own and gave it a little shake.

 

“Jason,” he said, “good to see at least B let a  _ decent _ kid into my shoes.”

 

Tim’s face broke into a grin, and he was a boy looking up at a god, meeting an idol- Roy figured he’d had the same smile, when he met Bruce, when he confronted Dick.

 

He  _ hoped _ Jason saw it, held it as proof that he had never been forgotten.

 

“Only decent because you and Dick left some standards that really push me,” he said, as Jason let go of his hand. “Also… I’m sorry if you… think I took your place or anything. I  _ didn’t _ , I didn’t ever want that and-”

 

“Master Tim,” Alfred said, reaching out and resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I believe Master Jason has seen reason and fully understands that no one could have ever replaced him.”

 

Roy dragged his stare from Alfred and Tim, back towards Bruce, who was watching with this unguarded look- something Roy rarely ever saw, when he saw the man. He was watching these two with the same look Roy knew he had, when he stared at Lian and the world melted away.

 

It was a  _ father’s _ loving stare.

 

He glanced back at Jason, watched him ruffle Tim’s hair, heard him asking if Bruce was still a miserable terror in the morning, and he could only grin. Could only think that Jason, after all these years, had his family back.

 

Plus a few new faces.

 

*

 

“Is she asleep?” Jason asked, from where he sat on Roy- no,  _ he and Roy’s _ bed. He was against the pillows, an old, overly loved paperback in his hands. Pages dog-eared from much younger fingers.

 

“Out like a light,” Roy said, closing his door. He walked towards the bed, sitting on the edge as Jason’s glanced dropped back down to the page. The old copy of  _ Romeo and Juliet _ had obviously seen better days- but the fact that it had come from Jason’s old room, that is was  _ Jason’s _ from his life before- it made all the wear and tear perfect.

 

There was a stack of similar paperbacks on the nightstand, on Jason’s side of the bed. Taken from his old room. He’d gone in, before they left- after they had had  _ lunch _ with the family, after Roy had watched Jason and Tim talk about every little  _ annoying _ thing Bruce ever did.

 

“How are you feeling?” Roy asked, as Jason flipped the page, smiling to himself. He paused, glanced up, and the smile  _ remained _ .

 

“Better than I expected.”

 

“Good. I mean, there wasn’t any  _ blood _ so I’d call today a success.” Jason frowned, closed the paperback and tossed it at Roy. It smacked against his shoulder, and Roy turned properly, lurched up over Jason and pushed him down. Jason laughed, his breath rushing out, as Roy tried to pin him down to the bed. “Brat,” Roy breathed, squeezing his thighs against Jason’s hips, getting his hands in Jason’s and shoving them up over his head.

 

Jason only  _ grinned _ . “You can’t take the brat out of a bat,  _ Harper _ . You oughtta know.”

 

“Oh,  _ I do _ .” He leaned down, kissed the bridge of Jason’s nose. “But really… you’re okay?”

 

“As okay as I can be,” he admitted. “I’m still… I still feel  _ angry _ . But it’s not… not what it was.” He tipped his head back, as Roy kissed the tip of his nose now, the affection coiling tight in Jason’s belly. “I’m going to work through it. I  _ can _ work through it.”

 

“You’ve got the support of the world,” Roy said, smiling in that lazy and loving way that had Jason falling, each and every time. “You’ve got a  _ family _ , Jason. Bruce always loved you. Alfred…”

 

“Wild to see him lose his composure for even a minute.”

 

“ _ Exactly _ . And Dick, he’d do anything for you. And I think you’ll fall so in love with Tim. He’s more like you than you realize.”

 

“You’re forgetting,” Jason said, catching Roy’s pretty eyes, “my family right  _ here _ .” Roy’s lazy smile grew, and Jason leaned up, kissed him very gently. “You and Lian saved me, Roy.”

 

“No one saved you except yourself,” Roy corrected, “we just offered the support you  _ deserved _ .” Roy eased back up, flopped onto the bed next to Jason, settling on his side to rest his hand on Jason’s chest.

 

“You asked if I was okay when no one else  _ would have dared _ . You gave me a chance, Roy… you did more than most people would have.” He reached up, covered Roy’s hand with his own, squeezed his fingers. “You know, you were right, all those years ago.”

 

“About what?”

 

Jason lifted Roy’s hand, kissed his fingertips, cheeks pulling up as he smiled, freckles disappearing against his eyelashes. “You said you’d see me happy,” he whispered, glancing over at him. “And I am, Roy. For the first time in a long time… I’m happy again.” Jason turned, got his hand on Roy’s cheek, rubbed his thumb over his prominent freckles as he leaned in, kissed tentatively. “You and Lian- you’re the best thing to happen to me, in all these years.”

 

Roy smiled, reached out and clung to Jason, kissing him with a passionate  _ tenderness _ he couldn’t even define. Jason sighed, against his mouth, tangled himself with Roy, until they were pressed so tight Roy was sure Jason was making a home, within his ribs. Jason’s mind was still blown, every time Roy kissed him- and he thought back to the moment in his life, when he was sos rue he’d  _ never _ know what Roy’s kisses felt like. What secrets he held in his mouth.

 

Jason pressed harder, wanted  _ more of it _ , always wanted more of Roy now. And the fact that he was  _ allowed _ to want, allowed to  _ have _ , it was a concept that still made his head spin.

 

“Slow down Jay,” Roy whispered, laughing lightly against his mouth. “You had a pretty taxing day,  _ emotionally _ at least. There’s-”

 

“Other nights?” Jason finished, before he kissed Roy’s jaw slowly. “Mhm, I know there are. But there’s also  _ tonight _ . Besides…” he exhaled, pressed his face into Roy’s neck, swore he could feel his pulse against his cheek. “I feel…  _ special _ , when you touch me. I want that. I…” Jason sighed. “I think I need it right now.”

 

Jason tipped his head back, as Roy kissed his forehead slowly. “Okay,” he whispered, one hand sliding down along the curve of Jason’s side. “Whatever you need, Jason.  _ Always _ .”

 

Roy could give him the world, if he could. Give him the time he lost. Give him  _ anything _ , to keep him smiling.

 

Roy’s hand slid around the waist of Jason’s jeans, began work opening them. He rolled them slightly, until Roy was on his back, his other hand sliding up Jason’s shirt, long his chest. Jason sighed, closed his eyes as Roy gently rolled one nipple between his fingers, his other hand tugging his zipper down, diving in and palming him through his underwear.

 

Jason’s breath rushed out, as Roy asked, “what do you want me to do, Jay?”

 

Jason’s eyes opened, heavy and half lidded, stared down at Roy like he was a secret wonder of the world. His hips moved slowly, towards Roy’s hand, and when he spoke, his lips curved into a pure, small smile. “ _ Take me _ .”

 

Roy’s hands stopped, and he simply stared up at his boyfriend. Because… “Jason, you want me to  _ fuck _ you? Babe, I don’t know-”

 

“ _ I do _ ,” Jason breathed, leaning down and kissing Roy again. It was hard but so  _ loving _ , the sort of kiss that had Roy wondering if this was even real- if he could be this lucky. “Used to think about it,” Jason whispered, “when I was younger. Wanted to feel like you were in my  _ bones _ .” Another kiss, the push of Jason’s tongue- and Roy’s hands were moving again, the one of his chest shoving his tshirt up now. “Wanna be vulnerable for  _ you _ , Roy.”

 

Silently,  _ for no one else _ . Roy tipped his head back, stared up at Jason, and that was  _ it _ . He’d opened up so much of himself, today- and he needed someone, needed  _ Roy _ , to be the one to take care of him. To show him it was  _ okay _ to let his walls down. Needed Roy to read him like a sacred scripture, and still look at him when they were done like Jason was a mountain.

 

“Okay,” Roy whispered, and Jason smiled, kissed him again. Roy pulled him down until he lay flat over him, a pleasant weight against Roy’s lungs, as his hands began shoving at clothing. Jason’s were desperate, trying to get Roy unclothed while remaining on top of him. By the time their clothing was shed, they had rolled across the bed multiple times- had knocked a pillow off, dislodged the blanket and left it half crumpled down by the foot of the bed.

 

It didn’t matter, when Roy had Jason on his back, was sucking at his neck as Jason rocke dup, ground into his abdomen. He wasn’t hard yet, but Roy didn’t think it would take much- and there was something about that, with Jason, that he  _ loved _ .

 

“I want you to roll over,” Roy whispered, kissing Jason’s pulse- feeling it beat against his tongue like robin’s wings. He pushed himself up and off of Jason, and Jason  _ listened _ without a question. He rolled onto his belly, hooked his arms up under one of the remaining pillows and rested his cheek against it, as Roy loomed over him, pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. He eased down the length of his spine slowly, pausing to get lost in old scars, trying to learn the roadmap that was Jason’s body.

 

By the time he reached the small of Jason’s back, his hips were shifting, but his breath came in small sighs- and Roy could feel the muscles under his mouth were relaxed. Jason was  _ trusting _ whatever Roy would do to him.

 

Blindly. Like he was silently swearing to never question Roy, in this life. Or the next.

 

Roy settled over one of Jason’s thighs, rubbed his hands up over them, onto his ass. Gently, he kneaded flesh, parted it, so that when he exhaled, it was against Jason’s hole- and then his tongue was there, lapping up over the muscle before tracing around it. Jason groaned, pushed back towards Roy’s mouth, as Roy’s tongue pushed harder.

 

“R-oy,” Jason managed, broken sounding already, as Roy moved to lapping against his hole, over and over again. Jason lifted his hips, raised his ass like he was baring himself more, his cock swelling with every damn stroke of his tongue. “God,  _ Roy _ , you-”

 

“Feels good?” Roy asked, pausing just enough to suck in a deep breath. He could forget to  _ breathe _ when he was getting lost in Jason. He lifted his head, nodding, and Roy smiled, leaning back down, tongue going back to work. The muscle began to relax, and when Roy pushed his tongue just past it, Jason let out a loud cry, head falling back into the pillows. Roy had to pull back at that, turning and kissing one cheek. “Shhh, babe, you’ll wake Lian up.”

 

Jason nodded, sucked on his lower lip- expected Roy to stop, to move on- but his mouth was  _ back _ , tongue pushing into him again, over and over again, making Jason pant, bury his face in the pillow and tremble. His cock throbbed, leaked down into the sheets, and there was a buzzing moment where his spine was laced with static, his belly tightening up, and he was so  _ sure _ he’d be undone already-

 

And  _ that _ was when Roy eased back, settled up on his knees. Jason turned his head, watched him wipe his chin on the back of his hand and flash a grin.

 

“Back on your back for me, gorgeous,” he said, as he maneuvered off his thigh. Jason shifted, settled- acutely aware that he was wet now, that he was trying to shove his ass down into the bed to find some friction- the motion making his cock bob, as Roy fumbled through his nightstand, silently cursing himself because he  _ swore _ \- “There we are,” he said, pulling out a little plastic bottle and turning back to Jason. He crawled over his legs, reached out and idly traced his fingers up along his cock, watched Jason’s hips lift slightly, chasing the contact. “You’re sure?”

 

Jason nodded, tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. Roy popped open the bottle, pouring lube down onto his fingers- sure to use  _ too much _ because the last thing he wanted was Jason uncomfortable. Especially now. He reached beneath him, rubbing his fingerpads against his hole, as Jason swallowed, spread his legs a little wider.

 

Roy placed his other hand on Jason’s belly, splayed, a firm grounding to the moment, as he pushed one finger into Jason’s body. His boyfriend’s mouth opened, and he exhaled, as Roy carefully moved it.

 

“Okay?” Jason nodded, and Roy smiled, thumb rubbing little circles over Jason’s skin as he worked that single finger, until Jason seemed relaxed enough. The moment he pushed a second in, Jason gasped louder, head tipping back and baring his neck- and god, Roy wished he could be there, sucking bruises into that skin, laying claim to Jason’s damn  _ soul _ through his skin.

 

Because he was damn sure Jason already owned his.

 

Roy moved them slowly, little lazy thrusts, watched Jason’s eyes fall shut, his hands beginning to pull at the sheets. “You’re so beautiful,” Roy admitted, a little awe struck, in that moment, over Jason. Over the scars crossing tanned skin, the freckles hiding behind the flush on his cheeks- the way he was  _ trusting _ Roy so much, in that moment.

 

Over all the trust he had ever poured into Roy.

 

Jason lifted his head, smiled in a way that had Roy’s heart utterly stopping- and those little lines, around his gorgeous eyes, felt like an impossibility. Like he should never be that happy, like everything had pitted fate against such a thing-

 

And here was Jason,  _ smiling _ .

 

“I love you,” Roy said, dumbfounded, and Jason  _ laughed _ , until his eyes shut. Roy shook his head, laughing at himself, leaned over as Jason pushed himself up on his hands, got his lips against Roy’s in a somewhat awkward but  _ oh-so perfect _ kiss.

 

“I know,” Jason whispered, “ _ I know Roy _ .”

 

It was the best thing Jason could ever say to him.

 

He fell back down, to the bed, and Roy dragged himself back to the heat around his fingers, to exploring Jason- a short lived exploration, as his fingers brushed over nerves that had Jason gasping.

 

Roy smiled, watched his boyfriend’s cock twitch, before he bent over- and wordlessly, wrapped his mouth around the head. His name flew from Jason’s lips, desperately, as Jason bucked up- slide further into his mouth. Roy moaned around it, was ignoring his own desires completely, in favor or having Jason feel  _ so good _ he could rise straight from his skin.

 

“Roy, I’ll-” Jason managed, the words breaking off as Roy slid a third finger into his body. He pulled off his cock, and as he spoke, his breath fell over the wet skin, had Jason shivering.

 

“I know.  _ I want you to _ . Trust me, Jason.” He bowed his head again, lapped at the head of Jason’s cock, before he was swallowing again- and Jason  _ did _ trust him. His thighs trembled, and he didn’t know where to move to- what to push towards. He tugged at the sheets, head tipped back, shoulders digging into the bed as he arched, as Roy took so much of him into his mouth he wasn’t sure how he didn’t  _ choke _ .

 

When Jason’s orgasm finally came, he could barely even  _ tell _ , he was already feeling so good. His body went tight around Roy’s fingers, and suddenly his cock was pulsing, and Roy was swallowing as Jason choked out his name, sounding so broken and open and  _ perfect _ . Roy moaned, closing his eyes and feeling like he could get off on  _ Jason’s _ pleasure alone.

 

When he did pull off, licking his lips, he slit his eyes open to find Jason staring, cheeks flushed, mouth open as he panted.

 

“I wanted- you to-”

 

“I know,” Roy said, pulling his fingers from his body. “ _ I still will _ .” Jason’s eyes went a little wide, and Roy bent over, kissed the pucker of a bullet scar, near his abdomen.

 

One of the many scars he was sure Jason hadn’t had, as Robin. One of the many he would someday ask about- if only to know every story that made up this man.

 

“Trust me,” he mumbled, lifting back up, and Jason nodded. Roy smiled, grabbed the lube and poured it onto his palm, began stroking himself- which was  _ dangerous _ , he quickly realized. He hadn’t even noticed how  _ badly _ he had begun to ache, had been so lost in Jason, in needing him to fly higher than the heavens.

 

Roy pulled his hand away, spreading Jason’s thighs, as his boyfriend dug his heels into the bed, lifting himself up slightly. Roy leaned over him, pressed against him but didn’t push in- had to find Jason’s eyes, first. Find that grey like storm clouds, like smoke, and let himself drown in it.

 

When he had lost his own breath, he eased inside his body. Jason’s mouth fell open, those eyes widening, and Roy’s own mouth went slack, an obscene moan sliding off his tongue, only ending when Jason’s ass nestled perfectly to Roy’s pelvis.

 

“Babe,” Roy panted, not moving, so  _ afraid _ that would be all it would take. Jason gave a whimper, in response, hooking one leg behind Roy and holding tightly.

 

“You’re-” he started, had to stop to swallow, “ _ you could be the death of me _ .”

 

Roy leaned over Jason, let himself fall, braced himself up on his hands and found Jason’s mouth. He kissed him as he eased his hips back slowly, subtle rocks into Jason’s body that were just enough to keep Roy buzzing, to let Jason acclimate to sharing his body. “Not again,” Roy mumbled, “you’re not allowed to  _ ever die _ , Jason.”

 

Jason smiled, gave a breathy chuckle, before it ended in a moan. He got his arms up around Roy’s neck and shoulders, clutched onto his back and  _ held tight _ , as Roy moved more, the two of them tangled so tightly together Jason’s whole body seemed to shift, with each thrust.

 

Jason wasn’t even  _ hard _ , but the way Roy made him feel so open and full and  _ like he was in every damn pore _ , it was enough to have his mind buzzing. Coupled with the fact that Roy didn’t even seem to need to try, and yet he was brushing up against his prostate with each movement, making Jason feel things he hadn’t felt in years- and with such an  _ intensity _ .

 

“Jaybird,” Roy murmured, against his mouth, “how’re you- feeling.”

 

Jason sighed, trying to push back against Roy’s thrusts as best as he could. They could have moved, changed the angle- but Jason didn’t  _ want _ to. Wanted to be able to clutch Roy, to  _ kiss him _ . “Like I could die,” he admitted, but in the  _ best possible way _ . Like everything was crystal clear and he was seeing heaven, was touching perfection.

 

Roy dropped his head, buried it in Jason’s neck, continued murmuring his name, calling him  _ beautiful _ and telling him he was  _ perfect _ , over and over again. Telling him how he  _ loved _ him-

 

“Always loved you,” Roy managed, his thrusts growing faster now, as Jason’s blunt nails dug into his skin. “ _ Always fucking loved you, Jason _ .”

 

And Jason, now- he  _ knew _ . But that didn’t meant he didn’t want to hear it. Roy’s mouth crashed into his jaw, clumsy, and he turned, sought it out with his own, kissed wet and desperate as Jason felt like he was pulling apart from his own body. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt this  _ good _ , and he must have been  _ babbling _ about it, because Roy was groaning into the kiss, pulling away and staring down at him.

 

“Promise to make you feel better,” he said, snapping his hips forward- and catching Jason’s mouth in a kiss as he opened it to scream. Jason dug to hard into his back he nearly broke skin, spreading his shaking thighs wider as Roy let himself go, drove into Jason like he truly did want to grind into his bones. Jason gasped with each thrust, Roy’s name broken on his tongue- until suddenly everything felt so damn  _ good _ he swore his heart was stopping, his eyes rolling as his body clutched at Roy so tightly, the redhead had to turn his thrusts shallow. “That’s it,” Roy breathed, “Jay, baby,  _ come again _ .”

 

Jason shuddered, whining, slid a hand up into Roy’s hair and pulled him down for a shapeless kiss. But it was enough _ , more than again _ , to be breathing Roy in when he came again- his body having  _ nothing _ to give but trying to take from Roy, rhythmically clenching around him over and over again, as Jason’s eyes squeezed shut, and suddenly  _ his cheeks were wet _ .

 

He wasn’t sure  _ when _ he had started crying, just that it felt so  _ good _ , that he couldn’t  _ stop- _

 

And then Roy was falling his name, breaking off his mouth and panting it into his ear, as his hips stuttered- and Jason could  _ feel _ him, feel the rush of heat, the licks of fire- and for a moment, he was sure he’d  _ black out _ . He felt Roy carefully lay down against him, his entire weight resting on Jason, as he stroked his hair back.

 

“Jason,” he whispered, as Jason let his eyes flutter open, stared up at him. “Hey there. You alright?” Jason nodded, licked his lips, and Roy’s smile was the most pure thing Jason had ever seen. His hand moved from Jason’s hair, stroked down his cheek, collecting tears and wiping them away. “These are good, right?”

 

Jason nodded, turning to kiss Roy’s wrist. “Everything’s good with you,” he offered, his tongue feeling sluggish, his mind in a fog. Roy chuckled, leaned over and kissed his forehead, rubbed his thumb along the ghosts of freckles on Jason’s cheek.

 

“Because you’re here,” Roy added, “it’s good because it’s  _ complete _ .” Another kiss, to the bridge of Jason’s nose, and Roy added, “welcome to your future, Jason. I hope I see you happy everyday.”

 

Jason’s smile hurt his cheeks, his heart pounding up into his throat- but the ache was  _ good _ . It was everything he needed.

  
Roy, in that moment, was everything he needed.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone for reading this! This was definitely one of my more enjoyable fics to write. Thanks for all the encouragement!

Roy hoisted the box from the floor up to the kitchen counter, ripping it open and frowning. It was  _ labeled _ kitchen, but those were  _ definitely _ some of Lian’s shoes, and that coat he bought her that he was fairly sure she’d already outgrown.

 

The writing on the box was his own, so he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He sighed, grabbing the box and walking around the kitchen table- out of the kitchen that felt so  _ large _ compared to the one in his old apartment, heading for the stairs.

 

They had  _ stairs _ . They had  _ levels _ . “Jay!” he yelled up them, heard the sounds of boxes being shoved around, Lian’s laugh. A moment later,

 

“Yeah babe?”

 

“Is there a box for the kitchen up there? I have one of Lian’s.”

 

More shuffling, the sound of packing tape tearing, and then Lian saying very clearly, “I don’t need spoons for my room!” Roy chuckled to himself, watched his boyfriend appearing at the top of the steps with the box, heading down slowly. Roy stepped aside, and Jason quirked up a brow.

 

“Leave the shoes,” he said, “I better put the kitchen together.”

 

Roy stooped down, setting the box down. “What? Don’t trust me in your space?” Jason grinned, simply walked past Roy silently, who turned, followed him into the room. Jason dropped the box on the counter, began digging through it, setting things on the table.

 

“Have you been down to your workshop at all?” Jason asked, stacking the plates.

 

“Not  _ yet _ . God, I swear moving didn’t take this long the last time.” Roy reached up, rubbed the back of his neck. It had been an ordeal, to empty out the apartment in New York City, and get everything to make the trek all the way to  _ Gotham _ . The building was  _ worth _ it though, the house was a huge upgrade- and the basement massive enough for not only a full workshop for Roy, but to properly store both their gear.

 

“You moved farther,  _ more people _ , and Lian has  _ way _ more stuff now. Good thing her room is bigger, I thought she was going to get evicted by all her toys.”

 

“She doesn’t have  _ that _ many,” Roy countered, and Jason simply leveled a stare at him. Roy offered a sheepish smile, because it was a  _ lie _ , but it wasn’t like Jason had any argument in the world for giving Lian anything she wanted. “So, which drawer are we using for silverware?”

 

“That one,” Jason said, pointing towards one. “We have to find the holder for the silverware first. It’s… in one of these boxes.” He turned, looked at the mess his kitchen was, and sighed, swiping a hand back through his hair.

 

“Look on the bright side,” Roy said, walking over and wrapping his arms around Jason’s waist, leaning his chin onto his shoulder. “We’re close enough that you can drag all your family into helping us unpack.”

 

Jason smiled over that- and the smile alone was enough to make Roy feel  _ good _ about this. It hadn’t been the  _ easiest _ of decisions, moving to Gotham. Roy had mulled over where he wanted to  _ go _ , but knew once he realized Jason definitely wasn’t going anywhere that the apartment  _ wasn’t _ going to work for the three of them. He’d already wanted to move  _ before _ Jason.

 

And as much as he considered Star City… he didn’t want to live there. Not again. Jason had been the one, one late night while he was reading in bed and Roy was reading over files for a  _ job _ he was doing to suggest Gotham. After all, Roy wasn’t a  _ stranger _ , and they were still relatively close to Dick and Wally, over in Blüdhaven.

 

Roy had been afraid it’d be too much, for Jason to  _ constantly _ be in the city he had come home to destroy. That being so close to his family would be moving too fast- but the few months Jason had been back had shown Roy just how much progress a single person could make.

 

Not that he didn’t  _ know _ , with his own experience- but being outside to see it, watching Jason each day, knowing where he had started, that night in Gotham with a gun to Roy’s head- he was so  _ proud _ of him. He was not only friendly but  _ brotherly _ with  _ his replacement _ , as he so lovingly called Tim- Roy swore more often than not he was talking to Dick about  _ something _ -

 

Hell, they’d gone to dinner at the manor. Roy had watched the entire meal pass with Bruce and Jason just being  _ family _ . No threat of bloodshed.

 

But even with that, Roy knew coming back to all these  _ memories _ , it was hard. And, beyond that- this city housed the one thing that Roy knew could send Jason back over the edge. Knew that locked up in Arkham, the Joker still had strings around the man he loved.

 

“I do not want Tim organizing my kitchen,” Jason said, “you  _ saw _ his room. And Dick… no. He’ll purposefully put things in strange places so he has an excuse to climb things. It’s just you and me, babe.” He turned, freeing himself from Roy’s hold, kissed his cheek. “Hope you’re ready for a long week.”

 

Roy laughed, reaching for Jason and getting his fingers in the belt loops of his jeans. He tugged him in, hovered right over his mouth as he said, “As long as the nights are long too, Jay baby, I’m ready.”

 

Jason smirked, as Roy kissed him, falling right into it, for a moment both completely  _ forgetting _ what they were trying to do.

 

“Daddy, Jayjay-  _ eewww _ gross.” Roy pulled back, and he and Jason both turned towards the doorway, where Lian was standing, face scrunched up. “Can’t you make kissy faces  _ somewhere else _ ?”

 

Roy laughed, let go of Jason so that Jason could walk over, scoop Lian up and kiss one of her cheeks. “Sorry,” he said, “Sometimes I just love your daddy so much I can’t help it.”

 

Lian pouted, and Jason kissed her other cheek- then her nose- and she was playfully pushing at his face, hands on his cheeks like she was a baby again. “Jayjay!” she yelled, squealing with another laugh, as she pushed his face until his lips pursed.

 

Roy smiled, folding his arms and simply staring. Watching, because it felt like this wasn’t  _ new _ , at all. It felt like Jason had always been there, waiting for this moment. Like there wasn’t a four year gap in his time with Roy, with Roy’s daughter-  _ their daughter _ , Roy would dare say. He knew Jason loved her as fiercely as Roy did.

 

But Roy figured maybe Jason always  _ had  _ been around. He’d been a ghost in his apartment, in the pictures he kept of him, in the stories he told Lian. A phantom that Roy dreamt about, on his worst days. Cried for, on his worst nights.

 

And here he was, in the flesh, where he always  _ should _ have been. In the city that housed his family, his memories- and even with his own  _ devil _ resting at the heart of it, Roy felt secure. Knew that Jason was  _ strong _ , that he could keep himself from falling into the wretched creature he could have so easily become- that he got a taste of. That he had support, now. He had his family  _ back _ , and he was allowing himself to love them, again.

 

He had Roy, he had Lian- he had the family Jason had so badly wanted to be a part of, before his death. The family, Roy hoped, Jason always  _ needed _ . Because heaven knew it was the family Roy wanted,  _ needed _ , to give him the reason to be the man he had become. Knew it was the family his little girl  _ deserved _ .

 

He watched Jason hoist her up over his shoulder, letting her sprawl out, as he marched out of the kitchen, heading back up the stairs towards her room to continue unpacking it. Roy shook his head, heading after them, stopping to pick up the box he had left at the foot of the stairs- and thinking the longs days, they’d be worth it.

 

After all, each day would give him Jason’s smile, those laughter lines along his eyes when he laughed, the way his freckles disappeared atop his cheeks, beneath his eyelashes-

 

The way he said Roy’s  _ name _ .

  
All the things Roy never thought he could be allowed to enjoy and love to the level he did. All the things he’d wake up thankful for, everyday, because he had gone far too long  _ without _ them.


End file.
